Falling…

I always thought it would be fast

I’d see you and my heart would just increase its beats per second.

I’d have butterflies all over, goosebumps I mean.

I thought you would take my breath away, you’d be running on my mind all day and I wouldn’t be able to think, sleep, eat, obsession is the word

I must not have fallen

It’s been quite steady, rational.

I think, I eat, I sleep, I don’t obsess over you (at least not yet)

It wasn’t how you look.

Mostly how you made me feel.

I was this new subject that you wanted to learn and pass the exam.

You would stop me in my tracks and ask questions.

You would follow me after class sessions and seek clarification.

You would tackle questions and bring them to me to asses your mastery of the subject.

It is the dedication you put that made me take a step back and realize I had always been looking forward to class sessions.

Because of you, I taught passionately, I knew you were keen.

I silently hoped and even prayed that you would find time to do the questions and bring my way to asses.

It was slow, subtle, but the effect was tremendous

Just the other day we barely knew of each other’s existence. Today we are inseparable. Constant phone calls, lots of take cares at the end of each quarter of the day as if we had not been doing that all along with no one to remind us. It has become unbearable to stay without being in each other’s presence for more than 3 days.

The honeymoon stage is over, just as predicted.

I’m wondering whether this, us, is too good to be true.

I searched for reasons that would be the deal breaker; perhaps you snore and it might be loud and I’ll never get to sleep soundly again.

Is it that you drink too much, and reek of it.

You miss dates because you couldn’t wake up on time.

You promise what you do not deliver because your words don’t count.

The mundane.. you worry too much, call too often, always thinking of the next thing we will do together and how much I would love whatever you have set yourself to spend on for me.

You have to call it off.. don’t you see.

I make it harder for you on a daily, harder to reach, harder to read, harder for you to tell whether I am done with you or you should bid more time.

The thing is, I fear…

I fear being the one on the other end, constantly calling, always spending time with you, losing my independence,

falling…