Dare to Dream

Tuckman, a psychologist identified four stages of group development: Forming which is defined by polite, cautious interaction; Storming which encompasses power struggles or clashes in personality; Norming which happens when the group begins to resolve conflicts and establish norms for working together and lastly, Performing which is when members are competent thus needing minimal supervision.

While attending the studio launch of my wedding photographer, I had an epiphany. For him to get where he was, he was first employed. The constant earning and saving of income is what brought his studio to fruition. Okay, that, support from family, friends, well wishers and him daring to dream. I do get wild ideas. Wild enough with potential to take off. I do research, I develop interest but I never commit my finances to see the idea into fruition. If I did, I would currently have at least 5 flourishing or failing business under my belt but here we are. I remember reading in big magic something to the lines that ideas are like butterflies. They visit us and stay with us but when we do not implement them, they take leave and land on someone else. This was the explanation to why later in life we come across someone who implemented “our idea”.

Still while at the launch, the guest speaker cautioned us against sharing our profound ideas with friends and family for validation. He mentioned, and I will borrow from the butterfly analogy above; The idea only came to you. You are the one the butterfly visited. It is pointless asking friends and families what they think about a butterfly that did not land on their porch because it was on yours. He said when you have that idea, sit down with yourself, understand the idea as best as possible, execute it.

I am liking the flow of this post. It enables me touch on the various tidbits. My current read is a book called Execution. I am forced to put a pause on it because I have to finish The Pearl that Broke its Shell, my until 2025 consistent book of the month book club read and quicky re read Before I let Go by Kennedy Ryan the book of the month for my until 2025 inconsistent book club. In Execution, the author points out how several companies have a strategy but a failure to execute the strategy leads to the downfall of most companies. The book gives scenarios of various companies failing to execute strategy. It does this by looking at the leadership strategy employed by various CEOs faced with similar challenges.

Earlier in the year, my strategy was to focus on the book club reads of my consistent book club as I had limited time and anyway this book club had a proven track record of hosting the discussions each month without fail thus my reading would not be in vain. I attended the first meeting of the inconsistent book club because I thoroughly enjoyed their December book pick and also to reconnect with the members as it had been my OG book club. As the year carried on, my inconsistent book club consistently read, discussed and picked books each month while the so called consistent book club met only once. My strategy going to the next half of the year is to read and show up for each as one or the other might fail to meet.

I pride myself in being so confident, I do things scared. Lately, I also developed the confidence that whatever I channeled my energy in was bound to succeed. Safe to say, I have currently had 3 humble pies and the pies were not so humble. I did have egg on my face. The egg I was sure will miss my face has now landed and as usual, I lack wet wipes or tissue papers with me. At the very least, I tell myself, I should at least have wet wipes or tissue. a handkerchief even. Oh well, maybe this is the lesson that I learn from and better yet, a colleague has plugged me on the best smelling affordable shea butter in the market, I am about to unlock girl 101 habits.

While I have not been getting egg on my face, I have been listening to Kenyan True Crime documentary called Silent Shadows on Youtube. This of course heightened my apprehension of humanity because people are willing to go great miles. My memory of Nairobi roads is now anchored on the true crime I was listening to while on that road.

I may no longer be attending book club discussions of my inconsistent book club. Last week I kept time only to wait for an hour thirty minutes. It is one thing to be thirty minutes late but one hour thirty minutes in and no show?! A book club member who joined me an hour into my wait time shared that she only waits for 30 minutes and then leaves. Her resolve is far grounded than mine because even when you walk in as she was getting up, she will not seat for the meet up. This exact scenario happened to us and as I was now taken under her wing, we both left. to say the least I am still very disappointed in the utter disrespect of people’s time but I should not have expected any better.

more egg on my face even this week but you know what, punda huchoka.

THE MASK

People who mean everything they say think everyone else does too.
I am really tired.
tired and angry.
tired of office politics.
tired of reading in between the lines.
tired of friendly faces meant to deceive.
angry that I trust easily and think everyone means good.
angry that when people were throwing each other under the bus, I did not realize I was already under it.
angry that I allowed myself to be under the bus.
tired of sharing fake smiles.
angry that when I claim my turn an example is made of me.
angry that I have to second guess colleagues and their actions or inactions
tired of listening to what is not being said when someone is speaking
angry that I get it all wrong and I am cautious when I need not be and I let my guard down when I should not.
angry that I let myself trust the process
angry that I let myself believe hard work pays and disregarded that the reward for hard work in corporate is more work as you can work well under pressure.
tired of picking up slack
angry that when I do not pick up slack my reputation is marred alongside the slackers
angry that I do not have a mask, I do not wear a mask, I do not mask my feelings and facial expressions
the other players do not get tired or angry
they try me everyday and apparently me showing them I am tired and angry fuels them further.
Since my personality makes it hard for me to wear a mask, I will carry a mirror.
I will be what you want me to be
I will make you believe in me
whatever you see is what you will get and I will be telling you what you want to hear
finally learning to ride the wave and not swim against the tide

No disguise, only reflection

Listen to make you believe – Lucy Hale

September

Plug

Kevin Mwachiro’s voice in Nipe Story kills me every time. After taking a long break from the podcast for reasons unknown to me I am back with a bang. I cannot remember the story that brought me back to the fold but listening to blue bra on a samsonite bag got me writing. It brought so much nostalgia and a reminder of Js and how for a period of my life it was my go to entertainment scene.

Js had an unwritten rule, everyone was friendly. It was a place you could go without much money and have a good time. The live performances from the artistes, the bands, the music, the crowd, Js was literally it. This takes me back to when the Alchemist had outdoor movie screenings. I have been out of touch with the art world for a minute and it seems a minute too long. Kindly help me play catchup by plugging me on what’s new and which places are popping. Of Course I am happy that our day one’s the likes of Alliance Francaise and Goethe Institute still got it.

Books

Last Thursday I went to the launch of half portraits under water. Is it only me or would this be a fitting cover?

The moment I heard the book’s title this is the image that came to mind. I arrived on time and unfortunately the event started 30 minutes late. I was exhausted and was debating between going home to rest and taking a cup of coffee to help me soldier through the evening, I went with the latter choice.

This was my first author book reading. I loved the sequence of the interview and getting to know the writer. Much as it is hinted to be our next month’s book club read, I was not ready to purchase the book but as soon as the interview ended, I knew I had to. I am looking forward to reading another Kenyan short stories and since the bar was set low by Joan Thatiah’s confessions of Nairobi series, I hope this one gives something to write home.

Below are the gems the writer dropped during his interview:

  • what is the use of holding time in a photograph if you cannot go back to it. – Before this event, I had read in the invisible life of Addie Larue that photographs do not give context. The photographer was talking about a picture that was taken of him and his younger brother, seated on grass infront of their house, looking at the photographer and smiling. When he sees the photo, it takes him back to that day. His parents were in the house and could be heard shouting at each other. A stranger would pick up the photo and admire the happy boys. The boys were far from happy. They were trying to block all the noise by plastering a smile.
  • Once you write a story, it belongs to the people who read. They in turn hope that something of themselves will be reflected.- When the reflection is achieved, we have a good book, a bestseller.
  • Stories are how we organize our lives. Friends and family meet ups are simply occasions curated for each to give updates on what is happening in their life and their perspective on the commonalities i.e politics, weather, economy etc

Work

I have been really angry at work. I felt that I could not openly say the things affecting me at work and unfortunately I also could not expect better because I was only putting myself up for disappointment over again. There was a day I just wanted to blurt it out and see what the worst was that could happen but wisdom prevailed and I took a walk. The daunting issue which looked like I could not move past became minute and I wondered why I gave as much of a fuss over it. I am tired of complaining about work and my friends and family are tired of hearing me complain. I have now decided that the best work environment is my own and I am actualizing it by practicing what I think my current job lacks as I wait upon the Lord because I know surely when the time is right, he will open a door for me as he does.

I no longer read books, I read authors.

The biggest challenge every writer faces is writing the first word, the first sentence, that first paragraph. This is the foundation and it has to be solid otherwise everything else topples. For one to write, you have to read. You spend days reading different authors, taking walks, looking for inspiration at 3 am and nothing!! Nothing that you consider worthy to be put down on paper especially because it can be traced back to you. As a writer you expose yourself, your intricate thoughts, your life, your dreams everything and anything and still the constant fear that it may not be good enough is ever present.

I no longer read books, I read authors. I read about their childhood, their education, their career path, their lives. Everything and anything including watching their interviews. I want to understand the person behind the words, I want to know them, think of their thought process and identify with their reality. My interest in knowing the person behind the writing was piqued by one of colleen Hoover’s books. By knowing the writer I not only mean authors; script writers, poets, musicians everyone and anyone involved in the writing process at whatever stage.

I would be intrigued by anyone who can decipher the different author’s I’ll pick on by description and bonus points for the book in mind.

We often assume that one must have gone through some pain in order to write about it so deeply in a way that evokes our empathy. In the same vein, we assume that if an author writes something so dark they must be going through some difficult moment in their life. Both scenarios are not necessarily true. In fact, an author revealed that when writing one of the darkest books I have read to date they first had the original story as it had occurred then using antagonistic journaling turned it into the thriller it became. This technique involves writing the opposite of what happens in the original story thus making it easy for a writer to pretend to be someone they aren’t.

Often, it is easy for writers to separate reality from fiction in a way that they live in both worlds though at different times. When a writer’s world becomes dark, they can retrieve to a happier fictional place or even write about a darker world than the one they are living just to make their reality feel a lot better. In another book that literally drove me to tears, I was shocked to learn that the events described had not taken place as narrated but were actually fiction imagined after the writer saw a picture from a newspaper clipping.

It reminds me of a book that drove millions into anger after learning that the story depicted was not a memoir by the author as it was categorized to be. The book won several awards, it was on the bestseller list for months and even featured in the famous book club’s read for the month. Thinking back, perhaps the book sold because people could put a face on the character. The author’s face, as the troubled person who eventually overcame. Given the era the book was published, overcoming that incident was a major milestone. Fortunately, by the time this knowledge became public, the book had sold several copies and even brought the author to limelight. Thanks to this controversy, I enjoyed a different book by the author who was not deterred by the angry fans and put more content for those who could look past the incident to relish.

It’s a jungle out here! Somehow writers still find their way given the numerous material being published. Some readers also have an epiphany. Going through the reviews of a book I had just put down, a reader was generous enough to share her mind blowing discovery. The entire book was a tribute to a famous musician who had died a couple of years back. The writer was alluding to one of the singer’s greatest hit songs and even named a character after the album tittle. In the book, one of the characters had this journaling lifestyle and he would name his journals. The particular journal we get to see him write was named after the singer’s hit song. The entire plot is based on the singer and how he eventually died. I would never have joined the dots but following the trail blew my mind.

Some writers are all together just lucky. First time writing about their experiences, their lessons, their truth and they spring to limelight. The trouble is, after such a huge success, writing the next book is hard. Their readers have identified with the story, they want more but the writer gave their all to the first book. There are only so many times you can re create your life story eh.. if only writers were cats! This particular book surpasses the writers wildest imaginations and got signed for a movie adaptation. Despite the odds, the writer manages to publish not one, not two but several books. In fact, I am yet to read my best work from the author and between me and you, Its either that first book was overrated or the movie was downplayed. I have enjoyed the 2nd book that the writer had difficulty writing but this is what drew me. The one that I claim is the writer’s best work and I am yet to read has already been published. Every time I am about to get hold of it literally the person ahead of me picks it up and it is always the last copy. That is why I consider it the best work.

If anything, this article should motivate you to put out your work. I hope these techniques help cure that writer’s block and give you ideas of how to write. Luckily for me it has given me what to write. I can’t end this piece without mentioning the author who doubled the words I have searched for in a single reading. I have really tried throwing in one or two here but the nature of my writing renders it otiose. I was taken aback to learn that it was the writer’s first. Well, the story was neither here nor there but its rattling nature would make you keep an eye out for the next book.

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