valentine’s

I have broken my annual beginning of the year post which is on books read in the previous year. I have two drafts on that which I thought I would publish in January but somehow I felt that I could do better in my writing. I have edited the posts severally and as January came to a close, I convinced myself better late than never and now that we are in February, I feel that posting travel in books in 2024 is a moment already gone. 2025 has started with a bang. I like that every time I come to the WordPress explore page I find a post from either My Black Glitter, Sassy Snippets with San San or Lwile the Leo. I am still waiting with baited breath for the day themythg and will grace our reading with her blog posts.

Valentine’s week in 2020 is one in the books for me. I was reading Something Blue by Emily Grifin and I remember smiling sheepishly that each time I looked up strangers who had not noticed the book thought I had received a cute message. I am now struggling to remember who I lent this book but please please do return. Valentine’s in 2018 was a moment of growth for a me and a foundation of friendship with the girls who stood by my side on my wedding. Having lost my brother on 1st February, they took me out for dinner and a memory of the day from snapchat has literally taken me back. To show my appreciation, I ensured each of them got a rose on valentine’s. Valentine’s in university or should I say Galentine’s was each spent watching Fifty Shades of Grey at the Cinema with my Maid of Honour.

2023 valentine’s is my best one yet. I got to go on my first date with my now Husband having randomly bumped into 3 of my possible suitors at various times during the day who casually dropped the what are you doing later in the evening without having made serious plans or any attempt were it not for the universe orchestrating our meetups. 2023 valentine’s would also be the only valentine’s I had celebrated romantically Once upon a time there was you. If I thought I was smiling sheepishly to Emily Grifin’s book, this memory has just put me in all my feels. I am feeling the butterflies I had then. I am remembering the conversation we had and time flying only to be interrupted by waiters bringing the next course. I remember both of us saying we should call it a night at 10.00pm because the next day was work and only because we would get carried away and converse deep into the night.

We had mutually agreed we would skip 2024 valentine’s way in advance. Unfortunately, we were mid fighting and communication between us was sparse. Nevertheless, I had dressed up for Valentine’s in a red pencil skirt, a black top and black heels and my nails were painted pink with multiple black hearts on each finger. Little did I know this would also be the set I would still have on come my engagement. I was pleasantly surprised when my husband (then boyfriend) sent me a text that he will be picking me up after work. He recreated our 1st valentine’s and from that moment to date, I forgot whatever we were fighting over.

2025 valentine’s…

I have been looking at various hotels and analyzing their valentine’s packages. On my list, 5 senses is currently the most expensive package with a 3 course dinner going for 30,000 per couple. A 6 course meal at Movenpick’s The View is following at 9,500 per person. Now more that ever I realize how over commercialized the day is. The prices of flowers and chocolates are about to reach an all time high but the prices wedding vendors quote for flowers is unmatched. Now being more financially conscious, I cannot be part of the givers of this get rich scheme all in the name of love; a receiver, I would not mind.

Nevertheless, I would like to have something that I can be gifted or gift whose price does not skyrocket in this one day and that holds a special place in my heart and signifies our love ( I am open to receiving suggestions). Meanwhile I am aware that everyone in the office will be closely watching, who gets flowers, what kind of flowers, whose bouquet is the biggest, whose flowers are the prettiest, who looks like they are being taken out for the night, who looks like they will be dining alone and for this reason, I am tempted to send a lady bird to whisper to my Husband’s ears where and which flowers He should get me but the thought that this will be orchestrated does not make it palatable. I do already know who will check all those boxes unrivaled, my colleague who has been receiving the most gorgeous arrangement of flowers all year round and all other previous years from her long term husband to whom gifting occurs naturally. A gift from the heart is always unrivaled.

Eager for Valentine’s is an understatement. I have unbridled joy. This year I do not want a table at a restaurant, people watching, looking at couples on their phones as they exchange a few words then each goes back to laughing at whatever a stranger who is self entertaining at home is posting on twitter. I do not want to feel pressured not to reach for my phone so that I am not that couple for someone else. I would have loved a vacation out of town but seeing how the best hotel rooms are also being overpriced, I will pass for another dull day later in the year when the hotel staff can fully attend to the fewer guests.

2025 valentine’s, I want to curate my best date yet, with all my best meals sourced from each of my favorite restaurants. I want to utilize the balcony on our 6th floor apartment watching Van Gogh’s inspiration, the starry night. I want fairy lights, I want candles, I want a good bottle of chilled white wine only because on other days I have red and because of the heat, I would prefer my wine chilled ( also taking recommendations for the bottle) or maybe I try port wine. I want to play the saxophone version of music I like. I want to talk, play games, dance, laugh and when I tire, fall soundly asleep because I am in no rush to get home fast or being distracted by all that is happening around me and forgetting to focus on us, our love.

and do you know what got me planning, excited, … he asked me to be his Valentine, apparently it is not so obvious.

It’s quite simple what is perceived as good and what would fundamentally be bad. Did you know you are not just supposed to love your neighbor but love them more than you love yourself? Apparently, if you aspire to a higher standard the world would eventually become a better place.

What a fucking cunt! That is what he thought he was for watching the phone ring and not being bothered because the caller would have ruined his mood.

Was he a fundamentally bad person for telling his colleague earlier that he had to take his lunch break because helping the colleague was not supposed to go over his mealtime. Was he mean when he blatantly said that he would not put in extra time to help a colleague who should have better managed their time so as not to be caught working past office hours. The same colleague who devotes every minute of every day to his desk without taking as much as a water break. He would delegate his lavatory visits if he could.

Would he be a fundamentally bad person if he expresses how distasteful it is to only gift ranging from socks, wallets, belts and or boxers. Is it so much to ask to be dined for a change or be the one receiving a phone call instead of constantly making the routine phone calls. Would he be breaking the social norms if he lets her pay the bill, if he throws a tantrum because his one and only request fell on deaf ears, or if he suggests that they each gift themselves instead of gifting each other because maybe then he would get what he truly wants. Would he be selfish if he lets their daily phone call slip his mind because of their inability to engage each other’s minds in thought-provoking conversation.

He follows rules … Rules dictate that he has to be obedient to his parents. Would he be a fundamentally bad person if he chooses what to obey because he can deduce right from wrong. Should he be a stickler to their wants and needs and put his aside never to be met. When would he be right to choose what is best for him? Would he be an ungrateful child if he recognizes the heartache that came with their love, the toxicity that accompanied their parenting.

Who came up with the rules? Who made right and wrong? Why did his conscience haunt him and he gave fucks about everything. He always thought about his mannerisms during the day. Was he too loud, did that sound arrogant, was he patient enough, could he devote more of his time, was this or that behaviour befitting of him. Could he walk away when angry and not torment himself on how he could have handled the situation better. Why could the other person not check their offensive tone it has to be him. Why should he be the one to apologize. Would he be loving her more than he loves himself if he stops pointing out the things he does not like and take her for who she is. Should he pretend he did not see it coming yet ever since the first time, the second, third, and fourth he knows she wants to act differently but keeps acting in the same way.. something about teaching an old dog new tricks.

He wonders if he is a fundamentally bad person for wearing his emotions on his sleeve. He does not smile at people he is not happy with. If he is cross at you, you will only need to be in his presence to find out because the disdain will be all over the face. When you ask, he will tell you unflinchingly what actions of yours have brought out the animal in him. His mother warned that he should learn to mask his feelings. Just smile even when deep down you want to grab the person’s throat and block their airwave. Smile even when they are stepping on your toes and it hurts. Laugh with your enemies and even dine with them… That is what it means to love another more than you love yourself.

He does not want that … He does not want fake smiles and niceties which are only a facade. He does not want to spend any minute longer than necessary exchanging pleasantries with people he much rather presume dead and buried as far as he is concerned. He is tired of being kind to everybody. He is tired of this mask that he has to put on. He is tired of the phrase everything will be alright and that God is in control. He will stand up for himself. He will occupy space, he will wear his emotions on his sleeve and for once watch the other person get uncomfortable and decide whether to stay put or leave. He will stop overthinking his actions and questioning whether he is fundamentally wrong.

Tag: valentine’s

The life of a perfectionist