Tag: Office

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THE MASK

People who mean everything they say think everyone else does too.
I am really tired.
tired and angry.
tired of office politics.
tired of reading in between the lines.
tired of friendly faces meant to deceive.
angry that I trust easily and think everyone means good.
angry that when people were throwing each other under the bus, I did not realize I was already under it.
angry that I allowed myself to be under the bus.
tired of sharing fake smiles.
angry that when I claim my turn an example is made of me.
angry that I have to second guess colleagues and their actions or inactions
tired of listening to what is not being said when someone is speaking
angry that I get it all wrong and I am cautious when I need not be and I let my guard down when I should not.
angry that I let myself trust the process
angry that I let myself believe hard work pays and disregarded that the reward for hard work in corporate is more work as you can work well under pressure.
tired of picking up slack
angry that when I do not pick up slack my reputation is marred alongside the slackers
angry that I do not have a mask, I do not wear a mask, I do not mask my feelings and facial expressions
the other players do not get tired or angry
they try me everyday and apparently me showing them I am tired and angry fuels them further.
Since my personality makes it hard for me to wear a mask, I will carry a mirror.
I will be what you want me to be
I will make you believe in me
whatever you see is what you will get and I will be telling you what you want to hear
finally learning to ride the wave and not swim against the tide

No disguise, only reflection

Listen to make you believe – Lucy Hale

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September

Plug

Kevin Mwachiro’s voice in Nipe Story kills me every time. After taking a long break from the podcast for reasons unknown to me I am back with a bang. I cannot remember the story that brought me back to the fold but listening to blue bra on a samsonite bag got me writing. It brought so much nostalgia and a reminder of Js and how for a period of my life it was my go to entertainment scene.

Js had an unwritten rule, everyone was friendly. It was a place you could go without much money and have a good time. The live performances from the artistes, the bands, the music, the crowd, Js was literally it. This takes me back to when the Alchemist had outdoor movie screenings. I have been out of touch with the art world for a minute and it seems a minute too long. Kindly help me play catchup by plugging me on what’s new and which places are popping. Of Course I am happy that our day one’s the likes of Alliance Francaise and Goethe Institute still got it.

Books

Last Thursday I went to the launch of half portraits under water. Is it only me or would this be a fitting cover?

The moment I heard the book’s title this is the image that came to mind. I arrived on time and unfortunately the event started 30 minutes late. I was exhausted and was debating between going home to rest and taking a cup of coffee to help me soldier through the evening, I went with the latter choice.

This was my first author book reading. I loved the sequence of the interview and getting to know the writer. Much as it is hinted to be our next month’s book club read, I was not ready to purchase the book but as soon as the interview ended, I knew I had to. I am looking forward to reading another Kenyan short stories and since the bar was set low by Joan Thatiah’s confessions of Nairobi series, I hope this one gives something to write home.

Below are the gems the writer dropped during his interview:

  • what is the use of holding time in a photograph if you cannot go back to it. – Before this event, I had read in the invisible life of Addie Larue that photographs do not give context. The photographer was talking about a picture that was taken of him and his younger brother, seated on grass infront of their house, looking at the photographer and smiling. When he sees the photo, it takes him back to that day. His parents were in the house and could be heard shouting at each other. A stranger would pick up the photo and admire the happy boys. The boys were far from happy. They were trying to block all the noise by plastering a smile.
  • Once you write a story, it belongs to the people who read. They in turn hope that something of themselves will be reflected.- When the reflection is achieved, we have a good book, a bestseller.
  • Stories are how we organize our lives. Friends and family meet ups are simply occasions curated for each to give updates on what is happening in their life and their perspective on the commonalities i.e politics, weather, economy etc

Work

I have been really angry at work. I felt that I could not openly say the things affecting me at work and unfortunately I also could not expect better because I was only putting myself up for disappointment over again. There was a day I just wanted to blurt it out and see what the worst was that could happen but wisdom prevailed and I took a walk. The daunting issue which looked like I could not move past became minute and I wondered why I gave as much of a fuss over it. I am tired of complaining about work and my friends and family are tired of hearing me complain. I have now decided that the best work environment is my own and I am actualizing it by practicing what I think my current job lacks as I wait upon the Lord because I know surely when the time is right, he will open a door for me as he does.

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There are no toxic jobs

Monday evening after work, I had the pleasure of being part of an audience watching a screening of The Cleaners. It was primarily about content moderators who work for social media sites and the nature of their job. They sieve through content uploaded by social media users across the world and their task is to delete or ignore a post or photo or video that does not meet the particular social media community guidelines.

At first, I thought, such a cool job. I determine which posts stay uploaded and which ones are taken down. In retrospect, that job would be a menace! I do not spend that much time on social media and constantly seeing other people’s thoughts and engaging in other people’s content will not help me reach deep within and create. Also, I have days that I disengage so what will happen then. Probably why my solution to the toxicity of this job would be to have the content moderators work one day and take the next off. This will mean they get ample time to disengage from what they see on a daily.

There was a robust discussion following this screening that made me miss my school years. People with differing opinions on whether this particular job was toxic or not. It opened up to the root problem which is the content people upload on their phones. This reminded me of a recent tweet by Nkatha which raised a hullabaloo. I think she innocently tweeted about how an intern in their law firm was sent to run an errand within Nairobi CBD and the intern used an uber.

On first reading I got how that struck her as appalling. Back in the day when I started this blog, I was an intern and we covered most of the distance walking, if need be we would be given bus fare. I remember being given uber fare once but that was more an exception than the rule. In my reading of Nkatha’s tweet, I Imagined the place the intern was sent around the vicinity. Sides were taken, and the people who shared my line of thought confirmed that within the Nairobi Central Business District it would take one longer to use an uber than walk on foot.

The tweet did not reveal whether the intern was sent with documents that hindered their movement or made it more reasonable to use a car. I remember my colleague and I using the trolley guys to help us ferry the documents we had and they go so fast! Luckily my colleague would keep up with their pace and I would catch up with them.

this is what we used; image sourced from google

Nkatha was muddled with tweets stating how she is a toxic senior for posting that about her intern and they attributed all other evils to her. I imagined how distraught she must have been reading those spiteful comments from people who do not know her in person but went to the extent of looking up her workplace, school history and getting her image. To make it worse it continued the next day and it still comes up in reference to toxicity. Yaani on average 3 people interact with your tweet then one day as you are tweeting with just your audience of 3 in mind it blows up to the unforgiving Kenyans on Twitter (KOT) and that is your end.

I consider the following when determining a toxic work environment:
1. lack of boundaries when it comes to employee breaks
2. An understaffed department that over works employees instead of recruiting
3.How seniors in the team handle mistakes committed by juniors who are new in the team
4. General interaction amongst employees

I had an interview earlier this week and boy do I think I have grown since interviewing for my first job. I was more timid then thinking if a particular organization does not want me I will not find one that does. I thought not getting a call back after an interview reflected a lack on my part. Now I understand that interviews are two way, they get to see whether I fit in their organization and I get to determine whether I will conform to their organization or find one that already accomodates me.

I do recognize that having supportive parents allows me to have my basic needs met in the absence of a job. I have also known how much getting a job that I am constantly trying to conform to just to provide my basic needs is harmful in the long run. These effects may take a long while to dissipate if I notice before making them the new normal. Frankly, between healing my inner child and adding onto work related trauma I would rather handle the former and avoid the latter.

The content moderators in the film tried having their concerns addressed and they were reminded of their bad economic position and the supervisor without micing words said you signed a contract shut up and work. A man in the audience saw no wrong in that comment. He told us that there are no toxic jobs. The film creators set out to appeal to people’s emotions; from the background music selected, to constant potrayal of poor neighbourhoods insinuating that as the lives the moderators led. He boldly informed the audience that content moderators are well renumerated and they knew what they were getting themselves into.

The audience became charged from that comment and many hands shot up in a bid to bring the context closer home and explain to him how individual circumstances vary. Notwithstanding the content of the employment contract, some people’s troubles deprive them bargaining power and thus the law should create an even playing field for such disadvantaged people. Tech Bros in the room were cautioned not to create the world’s biggest problem while trying to make the biggest pay cheque from their innovations.

What’s your take, are there toxic jobs?

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The office Episode 2

The office was a series for a reason. All the things that happen in there have to be documented over time. When you think you have got the hang of it, ta da!

This week has really tried me.. one week in and I already have something to write. ( of course I never finished writing during that week ) I have decided to write lessons that I had to learn the hard way and maybe then they will stick.

Rule no 1. Do not make plans out loud. I remember this afternoon vividly. I had had a busy morning by busy I don’t mean running helter skelter busy, I changed departments and where I’m currently at, I can afford to smell the roses. Its not that there isn’t much to do here, Its because I came from a more demanding team where everything was urgent and needed a second ago. Having finished my deliverables, I went to talk about this and that just to sharpen my wits. I mentioned how things were going well for me and that my deadlines were always met. Between the walk from that office to my sitting area, I got phone calls and emails with instructions on what I was to work on. I did not leave the office late because with working from home my laptop and I are the office. We work from anywhere anytime and that’s how my not so busy time took a turn of its own.

Rule no 2. Cross the river at the shallowest. This is my mantra the whole year. I always strive to get work off my desk the earliest possible and so far so good. Its a bit of a balance between this and managing expectations because once people know things don’t sleep on your desk, they tend to push over the last minute work to you. After all, you have worked hard to prove time and again that you have a fast food chain same day delivery work ethic.

Rule no. 3 I will be done in just a moment means take a break. I know I did mention that my department allows me to smell the roses but knowing there are seasons and roses do not bloom all year round, the same applies to work. Every time someone has told me or I have told myself it will just be a moment, it becomes several moments. Our cleaner used to pity me on my first weeks at my first department. She would call me for snacks, she would offer to warm my food as she told me work never ends, I have to schedule my breaks. To date, this advice has saved me from developing ulcers and I tell my boss that I’m off to lunch. I can only eat so much so its a guarantee I will be back at my desk.

Rule no. 4 share but don’t reveal. There is a very thin line between office gossip and colleague bonding. Not to mention that we have various personalities with ulterior motives. It is quite unhealthy to always have your guard up expecting for someone to pounce. You’ll just have to trust your gut on this. If you think something is off, act cautiously.

Rule no. 6 its okay to screw up. Your first time won’t be your last. I remember how my colleague’s jaw dropped when I told her this. She was in a fit, judging herself harshly like I do. Today you make a mistake that you know is going to cost the company money and tomorrow another that is going to cost the company a client and your gut tells you today is the day you get laid off for that. You dread the confrontation and you willingly accept your fault and you are ready to pack up but that is exactly when you should stay. Growth at times comes from the most uncomfortable situations and we have to wait it out.

Rule no. 7. There is no job without hurdles. For some reason I used to think some people have it easy. That I would do what they do anytime without breaking a sweat. I would envy people who do online writing and think they make easy money. On a hectic day I envy the cleaner because there is nothing hard about cleaning or my boss because I would think all they do is delegate and supervise. I realized that the cleaner probably has a hard time and there are things in their line of work that they dread. Bosses have to take in a lot. They make hard choices that we never know about because they shield us. It is true that everyone is fighting battles we never know about.

Rule no. 8 clap for yourself. If you wait, others may never and you will be demoralised. Set your own parameters, your goals you are your truest coach. Remember only the shoe wearer can know where it pinches. Most times, I only get feedback if the work needs amending and the other times not even the computer generated well received. I do my best each time because success is rented not owned and rent is due every day.

Rule no 9. Plan your meet ups after work. You might be thinking, who has energy for that; not only will you but you will also get to feed off that energy. On my most stressful week, I pushed my two weekend meet ups to during the week after work. All week I was looking forward to that and it kept me going. On the day scheduled for my meet up, work was going overboard; it was one of those days that demanded putting in extra hours. I assured everyone that their work will be delivered on time but that I needed to leave the office. Not once during my meet up did I think of the work waiting for me when I got home. I enjoyed myself and headed home full of renewed energy. I’m sure the opposite is true that I would have hated whatever would have pushed me to cancel my plans.Getting away gives your mind and soul a breather so you can get back to the grind with a refreshed perspective.

Speaking of planning, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. Looking at my calendar, there is never room for working at the beach. I could go for weeks working remotely and when I tell myself perhaps this is the week to work from Coast I guarantee you the day will not end before I am needed to be physically present in the office. This is the shallowest of my rivers, other departments will never allow me this luxury.

Today has been one of those eye opening moments.. maybe I have been doing it all wrong, maybe there is no right way to do anything apart from just attempting. I was invited for a graduation ceremony and when I was accepting the invite, I literally had nothing on my desk much as I had gone the extra mile of offering my assistance. When I was about to leave for the graduation, my boss emails me that he needs some work done by C.O.B . Nevertheless, I decided to make an appearance even if I would have to work through the ceremony. I’m glad I did because on my way home, I see a picture posted in one of the whatsaap groups advertising the availability of my current job position. It is contract based anyway and I should not be shocked, I replaced someone in the same manner. Probably a good reminder that enjoy the present because this too shall pass. This just makes it to rule no. 10

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The Office

The office is apparently the most streamed series in America in 2020. I have watched enough episodes to bring the concept home. Much of 2020 was adjusting to working from home and working in shifts but currently some work spaces have resumed working from the office. As in every other situation, there were pros and cons. The biggest pro for most was eliminating the commute. Have you walked in this hot sun? It’s worse when you are dressed in a full suit your bag heavy with packed lunch as you try to maneuver the busy streets getting knocked on your shoulder every so often.

Cutting costs on lunch money was also a major pro of working from home. Actually eating at your convenience was more of it not to mention dressing as you pleased. This luxury was more expensive than anyone could have anticipated. Work became round the clock as opposed to the neat 8 – 5. It is no brainer getting that work call at 10pm heck some bosses even send that email at midnight. Here is the reality check that you are no Cinderella, more of Snow White’s seven dwarfs.

After the niceties, oh you have changed! What happened to your hair and all other changes that could not be detected over zoom calls the office gets back to work. HR of course reminds you to sanitize, no sharing of pens and paper, social distancing and minimizing the number of people in a meeting or taking up bigger room. The office experience does not start when you get on the lift to your floor, it starts when Nani picks you up.

There is a lot to say on lunch hours at the office. Some organize lunch that is paid for, others just contract a standard supplier but each employee pays as they eat but the one that sets people apart is those that leave you to fend for yourself. You could carry packed lunch like your pre school days or find a decent place to eat; emphasis on decent. I am wondering whether to get to the different employees you meet at this stage… I shall restrain myself for a few paragraphs.

Lunch time at the office gives me anxiety. I remember the packed lunch I forgot at home on the table and how I have to think of plan B. It’s not only the change of food that I mind, the fact that I had the meal planned and I knew the taste to expect come lunch. We have great food vendors but their prices are over the roof for an intern. I was shook once when I got basic chapo beans at 250!!! This is the holy grail to rate establishment just like tea. Once the price of a cup is over 200 do not bother looking at anything else on the menu if you are on a budget.

My chain of thought was finally flowing on some work I had taken over 2 days with and I did not want to interrupt that with a meal so I looked at my delivery options. I remembered a place we had visited whose fries were 100ksh and they had informed us they do office delivery at no extra cost. Meanwhile the 250 chapo beans still need 20ksh delivery. Being on a budget I made the call.. I kept waiting for my delivery till I assumed they got lost in their way because they had admitted they were not familiar with my location much as they have been serving people around my area since time immemorial.

Finally at 3.30 I get a call that the lady is at the reception. As I walked on the hallway, something told me to use the 4th Floor stairs and peep before presenting myself as the intended recipient of the food but my affirmations side kicked and assured me confidence. I walk out and see the lady carrying a ‘paperbag’. The receptionists with a sneer in her voice remarks ” kumbe ni wewe, nilikua namuambia hakuna mtu hula chakula kama hiyo hapa kwetu ” So rude don’t you think but weeeuh, I was the one in for a shock.

The lady informs me that she needs the bag back.. I look at the contents, it is nothing I imagined!! Butwaa beat me 😆. There I was expecting my food in this transparent tins and next to it two packs of the 5ksh tomato sauce but instead, my eyes were met with a greasy brown bag, heaven knows how clean that bag is as it has been ferrying every other order around and the transparent nylon papers filled with the Jerry can sauce and tied like a ball. Hehe.. I felt like paying for the meal but refusing to walk around with it.

She’s over reacting you think.. huh well, I have not painted the picture of what office lunch my colleagues partake. It’s either pasta and fillet, stir fried rice and Mongolian beef, the aroma just tells you the cook was not trying to make a meal but is one who aims to please. Did I mention they are in glass tins so that they are conducive for micro waving you know, cancer and all, then picture me arriving with my greasy brown bag and toothpicks as forks. If someone brought me my bag I would have left for home and called it a day. In another world, there were employees receiving their greasy brown bags with joy.

“Angalau muache abebe na mfuko mpaka kitchen aweke fries kwa plate“; the receptionist said. The lady agrees and fast I walked. Thank God I could at least make it presentable while there if no one walks in on me. It was the distasteful appearance of my meal that made me instantly full. After 5 mouthfuls I just threw it in the bin. They sure lost me as a customer with no fault on their part; just a girl faking class before she makes it.

I write this recollection as I lounge on my coach supposedly working from home. I am giving myself the much deserved rest because when work comes, it will demand every ounce of my energy and I have had to learn that it is equally as important to schedule rest and not just take it when you have the time. I will also schedule time for love because the effort I put in my work is not transferred to my compatible other. We don’t want jack to be a dull boy do we? 😉

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