life

May 31, 2024

May

Books

This month’s Book Club read was Circe by Madeline Miller . I still remember the discussion we had around its pronunciation. I pronounce it as sass, a fellow book club member pronounced it as s-i-r-s-i, we were informed google pronounced it as suh. see, take your pick.

The book is way out of my comfort zone. I struggled with the Greek mythical characters, personification is not my forte. I am happy to announce that despite the difficulty I finished the book!!!! Announcing this gives me so much joy. It is proof of my endurance, resilience, commitment to the book club, and dedication. I will definitely have this as an example at my next job interview.

The member who suggested said she wanted us to read about strong female characters and true to her word, the book is all about women empowerment without trying too hard at it. We first see Circe’s helplessness and inconsequential existence. She is finally thrown out of the palace and condemned to live in a deserted island by herself. The most impressive thing about the island to me was how supplies never ran out and dirt cleaned itself up. This could make a good modern day fairy tale; most women just want to be. To live their best lives and not worry about the mundane tasks that take up much of our time. The cooking and cleaning men are not subjected to despite women also doubling as bread winners, home finance managers and investment decision makers.

I admired the names the writer came up with for the characters’, they were very befitting of the Greek mythology narrative. The pace of the book was alright, the tidbits of surprises would keep most people going (but me). Much as my reading experience was difficult, I am glad that I know Circe’s story and you too should.

I love June’s book club read, Confessions of Nairobi Men by Joan Thatiah. I have wanted to read this book because of the hype in the Kenyan market and the opportunity to hear men’s stories. Well, It would be better if the book was written by a man but a win is a win, at least we get to read the stories.

Work

A steady growth curve. These days scrap that, I always stand up for myself. This year I have had opportunities where I needed to remind colleagues of boundaries, mutual respect and work ethic. I have gone through the roller coaster of questioning the meaning of life and wishing I could be my own boss to enjoying the perks of an employee and realizing that self employment has its downside.

My face is beaming at the thought of celebrating my birthday tomorrow. I am looking forward to opening my birthday gifts, I sure will get a slice of Art Caffe’s rose something cake. That in itself is growth… chocolate fudge cake has been a birthday staple and celebratory cake since my 19th birthday. The Art caffe cake was gifted by my friends in March and I have never wanted to eat a whole cake by myself until I had a bite of that one. Dear friends, thank you so much for the plug.

On Tuesday I was rather disappointed that I did not have a plan in place on how I will celebrate the day. I came up with a plan then abandoned it, all I know for sure is that I want to look good in a new outfit preferably that will be as new as the day I am born. I want to eat good food, I want to do an activity or two and eat cake.

AOB

Lately I am happy, I am content with my choices in life, I am humbled by some life experiences but mostly I am changing. I am becoming aware of moments when my anger is building up and I decide whether to feed it or let go. I am grateful of the beautiful moments I am experiencing alongside my friends, I am being challenged with decisions that I have to make, I am praying. ( Listen to Nyashinski’s time of my life)

I tried recreating a KFC Chicken recipe and it backfired bigtime. Luckily, I cut my loss early enough and changed tactic so that most of the chicken was still edible. I had major success recreating a pasta dish that I had at a restaurant on valentine’s. The restaurant menu was haphazard and the pasta was being served after the main course (feel free to let me know if I am the one who is clueless about dining etiquette). I felt they wanted to justify the cost of the valentine’s menu considering the price was increased from the previous year’s yet the menu options were limited. This creamy pasta with chicken, mushroom and cheese is comfort food and thinking about it leaves me feeling enveloped in a hug. I should not be spoiling for a fight but I only got the recipe after talking about the pasta and thanks to the Instagram microphone, it appeared on my suggestions. The recipe was in Turkish but thanks to the see translation option, I was able to know the ingredients.

That being all from me, remember to have your heaven down here.

April 29, 2024

Twenty Fine and Stock Taking

Have you been in someone’s mind.. not on, forget those people who claim they have been thinking about you I mean literally treading, opening and closing drawers or tabs, leaving footprints. You are just about to get in mine and I am debating how far to let you in. This is when the other shoe drops. When you realize there really is nothing more than meets the eye.

My excitement has been building up as we get closer to this day. Excitement and Fear.. Fire and Ice. It is chilling, I get goosebumps all over and immediately, I feel a sweat trickle down my armpits then I have to breathe in to regain composure. At 23 my tagline was childlike joy, at 24 traveling light. For frequent AYP yogis this is something that Zablon says in his classes among others and they stick with me. At 25 I want to unlearn and relearn. Just because I am past an age does not mean that the tagline too remains in the past, I hope that once adopted, it becomes a part of me.

The drive to have childlike joy is what pushed me to write the things that make me happy. The list is filled with the mundane. I also learnt to choose joy and I am currently learning that there is joy in choosing the easy path.

Traveling light has not been easy. At first I did it selfishly. I would not want to be burdened with any emotion so instead of dealing with it, I would share with the one who caused it so that it burdens both of us. Traveling light has me unpacking. I unpack my days, I unpack my truths, I unpack things that do not settle well with me. Traveling light has me letting go of what no longer serves me frequently.

It is really nothing about the journey, what happened and what did not.. it is all about who the process has made me to be. Writing this has also been a process, I wanted the post up on my actual birthday but time took its course and the prose paused. Three books, one series, solo EDM dance party, a quiet week by myself and finally progress.

While learning and unlearning, I got things to work on. In May I worked on choice. At a given moment, should I choose to be right or choose to be happy. Elisabeth Eliott in her book Let me be a woman writes that a grown woman realises that saying yes to happiness often means saying no to yourself.

I was up in arms the entire May because I wanted to choose myself and be happy. As the month came to an end, I found the wisdom in losing a battle so as to live and fight another day. The wisdom in choosing my battles and losing them so that I can win the war. My assignment this month is to find myself. Find out the core of my existence at least the version that has not been tampered by my upringing and experiences; enneagrams call it my soul child.

The journey to learn and unlearn began early in the year but since then I was only tilling the land, there was not much to write home. I can say this rainy season has been timely because I have sown the seeds. I am watering my shed in case the rains are not sufficient and when it’s time to bring in the sheaves I will be sure to come rejoicing.

Twenty fine literally took the bull by its horns. The life-changing experiences are usually a clarion call that should be headed. There comes a time when one can no longer sit on the fence, when the foundations of your belief are tested and you have to wade in murky waters. It is the deconstruction that happens, that will never be me becoming a possibility and seeing things without the rose-coloured glasses.

I always thought I needed to go where no one knows me where I can re-invent and be my authentic self to know who I am in the absence of family and friends who have expectations. I thought I needed to face certain types of challenges that would shake my essence to the core. I am glad to have de-mystified this belief and had to deal with a grey area to separate the black and white.

Reading this just a week before my birthday and realizing I never finished the post and how cryptic some of the paragraphs are. If I thought then when I was only half-way in that my 25th took the bull by its horns the rest of the year followed suit. I am writing this as I am sheepishly happy despite all. Today kicked my ass and I just wanted to scream and it validated what I say in passing that I want a husband who can provide for me so that I can take vacations as and when need be which as an adult is everyday. Budgeting has me raking my brains on every single coin and I would want that to stop. I think fashionable step-mum is living her best life and I want to be poised, affording brands that accentuate my body, and good makeup brands.

What I have unlearnt in a nutshell: ( How I wish I finished writing). This is me picking up this post a month to my 27th birthday. I am days shy from meeting my this month’s post deadline and I am considering taking a break, leaving the party early before I get shit faced and you all forget about my really good posts and just remember me as the writer who was struggling with consistency and kept churning posts. Reading my thoughts at different stages in life is my main motivation.

At 26, I have learnt the power of the tongue, things I casually said have come to pass. I am happy I do realize what I spoke into existence but I am more worried about the things I spoke in anger. I still get upset a bit too easy for my liking and I want to manage my reaction when I get upset. I am learning to filter advice from the diverse sources and a friend gifted me a literal sieve to help with the process. I am enjoying the beauty of life, my life is becoming easy in ways I did not even imagine. I am living my fairytale and realizing that there is a price too for that.

Life is beautiful. My mom really prepared me for this life and it was a nuisance back then. I smile in the ease I have in practicing what she taught. I know that my daughter too will vehemently oppose but like my mum says, I will be at peace when the time comes knowing that she is ready. 27 looks promising. I am starting a new chapter in life, a chapter I am ready to experience and I open my arms ready for the blessings, the lessons, the abundance life has in store for me. My tagline, having a little heaven down here.

Having a little heaven down here will entail, being slow to anger, channeling my childlike joy to keep me going, travelling light because I need only submit my things in prayer and leave it to God. I have to unlearn and relearn because to have heaven on earth I need to be more Christ like. I am seeing myself celebrating more; the more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. When we are popping a champagne bottle we will be celebrating my little heaven down here.

Here is to 27, my little heaven down here 🥂✨

November 30, 2023

Mombasa Again

Travelling like any other activity can be good or great depending on the company. I believe the traveler must first be at peace within and a happy traveler can radiate this to others or be better placed to cope with unpleasant company.

 My 2nd last trip of the year, was a return to the Coastal region with a group I met early this year. Our maiden trip to Watamu went well. We had no qualms within the group, entertainment decision making was a challenge but we agreed on the main things such as the meals we were to have, daily routine and monetary contributions.

We opened the trip  invitation to friends and the planning process began. We had myriads of options to choose from. It was hard narrowing down and even harder getting everyone to settle on one pick. Like most planned trips, it was never to leave the WhatsApp group save for the three of us.

Transportation of the planned trip went amiss. The first hotel we booked did not deliver and luckily we had just booked for 2 nights and said we could pay up once we settled. We then moved to an Airbnb for a night and brought our reservation to a resort far out of town up by a day.

At first, other than the views, and meals the resort did not meet our expectations. It was far flung from the night life spots we planned to visit. Having started our vacation as a food tour, we were limited in visiting places on our list but the resort compensated for this in the variety of food options. We were happy being waited on, wined and dined but we were yet to acclimatize to the new order of business. We were resistant and felt our freedom had been curtailed.

The more we took the place in the more activities we found to occupy ourselves and leaving our cocoon resort was fought with resistance. Well, at first we looked forward to it but the travel logistics were a hard pass. The drivers were demanding high prices because they knew their clientele were people on vacation. We tried reasoning with them, but their greed for money surpassed everything else. We eventually gave up and decided to make the best of our stay within the resort.

While at the resort, whatever group you observed, a lady was present. There were ladies on a girls trip, mother's with their children, families, couples, or an assortment of friends. We happened to hear a couple fighting as we were checking out and we wondered what about the trip upset them that they raised their voices at each other in reckless abandon. We made friends during the trip, we people watched during meals.

My packing for the trip greatly improved from my Zanzibar trip. I attained both functionality and aesthetic. I had options for dressing up events despite them not being in the itinerary and chill clothes for the evening. I also packed going out clothes but for 4 nights and my company surprised me by wanting to go out every other night, I was a bit happy with the few botched night out plans but as we progressed to the nights I had planned for and now could not go out due to circumstances, I wished I had gone when I had the chance.

With every trip I have new opinions, different experiences and I love each of the trips for their uniqueness. In this trip I learnt there were beaches along the Coast of Kenya that one could not swim in. The sand was coarse and the beach was full of corals.

In this trip I felt extorted by the locals. We were asked to pay exorbitant prices for the smallest of things. We wanted to walk on the beach and this would cost us because it was advisable we have a guide. The guide was to show us the path to use. I thought this was insanely ridiculous but at least this guide suggested we go with him then we would see his value. There were several animals and plants that we could not have identified without his help.

A starfish

This beach despite not being conducive for swimming, I bet surfers would enjoy the waves.

I look forward to going back for a repeat of some of the activities. I would need to practise holding my breath longer in water so that I feed the fish beneath the glass bottle like our guide.

Much as I acknowledge the differences of each town, I believe all Coastal town lovers like myself should make a trip to Dar es salaam and Zanzibar. Nevertheless Mombasa will always have a special place in my heart.

September 30, 2023

Zenj Bar

If you know what the title to my post means, kudos. I am happy to have joined your lot this month and you clueless reader will be let in this knowledge too.

I am considering being one of those writers who reveal the meaning at the end so that I keep the curious minds reading until the last full stop. I would prefer a writer who stops the goose chase and let’s me decide whether I want more information on the subject matter then, I will keep reading. Fun Fact (ode to my watching young Sheldon) Zanzibar is just one among the Spice Island Archipelago. Some of the Islands do not have human population. The tangent of this post is now towards a Geography class and believe me, this was not the intention. The historian in me just wanted to give a bit of background information.

I was determined to plan this trip for my family. I did research on the activities we would engage in but my major challenge was how we would get around to the various places and where we would stay. I like planning with the geography of the place in mind so that the locations I settle for do not become an inconvenience. I would also focus on a specific part and exhaust the locality so that my next visit becomes slightly different from the first. My family mostly enjoy historical sites tours and game drives and this being a coastal town, It made sense why the target market is mostly honey moons and girls trips. To say the least I had a daunting task ahead. Being in charge of people’s enjoyment can go either way; success or failure.

On second thought, I think one’s taste in travelling cannot and should not be singled out as beach versus park. Of course there are outliers who are sticklers and conform to either of the two categories but packing my family in a box like that is far from truth. We mostly travel around this time of the year and we enjoy new town visits, beaches and game parks. All one needs to enjoy any trip is the travel spirit which includes: openness to change of plans, tolerance to each other, the ability to find joy amidst the challenges and being an active participant.

In this trip, My aunt, a geographer lent me her atlas so that I was well equipped for the task at hand. Her request was that I consider geographical areas and use the most scenic route. I did my research for about 2 months and had a conclusive list then one morning I woke up and saw a travel and tours group advertise our intended destination with the identified sites featured on their list and I was sold. The planning would be another’s headache and I would fully enjoy the trip. Their planning left a lot to be desired and although thanks to them we know better, I would recommend planning the trip yourself. I am assuming from the picture the destination is now obvious.

We travelled by road and Ferry. On our return trip the seas were rough and several people got sea sick. The attendants handed out sick bags so the sight was not messy and they took good care of the affected people.

Zanzibar is beautiful. The seas are turquoise blue, the people are friendly, and the sun is not too hot. The streets in town are corridor-like, allowing the breeze to penetrate. The market is well structured and protected from the sun. During the spice farm tour, we encountered a persuasive trader whose skills could be compared to the bus hawkers in Kenya. They explain products in such a way that even if it wasn’t on your budget, you find yourself prioritizing it as a necessity and allocating money for it.

For a first tour visiting places like Prison Island, Stone Town, Spice farm are worthy but for a return visit the itinerary would be very different. The hotels were affordable and if you plan for yourself you can choose even better accommodation. Hotel meals live you nothing to write home about because the meals are made to be good and enjoyable. We were intrigued by their fruit juices especially one that we guessed was an assortment of fruits because of its sweet and sour taste only to learn that the fruit is called bungo. I would definitely recommend a glass of bungo juice. It is also sold at Stone Town Market.

This trip was mostly relaxed. We did not have super early mornings chasing after wild life or tired evenings after long hikes. We mostly went to a historical site each morning and spent our afternoons at the beach or in boat rides to the various Islands and ended our evenings passing forodhani market for their array of foods. While at Forodhani I will recommend all sweet tooths to try the ice cream roll. Its one of a kind and I would go back just for another plate of that.

Writing this trip feels me with so much nostalgia. Whenever I come home from a trip I always feel the need to go for another to recover from the previous trip but with this one, I was content. I came back home happy, relaxed, feeling well rested and grateful for the experience yet looking forward to a return. During this trip we bonded as a family and of course the individual personal traits came up truly, wherever you go; there you are and we got to know ourselves and each other better.

I would also advise that when traveling, ensure you have medical insurance. For sure getting sick is not part of the plan but accidents do happen and you would not want to deplete your travel budget funding medical bills. Alternatively, carry an extra amount for emergencies.

My other take home from this trip was to improve my packing. My attires were in line with the itinerary but we had some unplanned activities cropping up and I needed outfits for that. I have since then been watching different you tube videos of people packing for their trip and luckily, I will soon get to judge whether I have improved on this skill.

For your patience dear reader, Zenj bar is Arabic for land of the blacks. Our guide mentioned something about it also signifying the good weather in Zanzibar. The history about Stone town is rich and fascinating and there you will hear more about the famous swahili doors that I got to carry back home as fridge magnets. I hope I have made you consider Zanzibar as one of your travel destinations.

August 31, 2023

Behind the screen

I would first like to express my gratitude to my 98 subscribers who saw my writing fit enough to opt to receive notifications each month that I have a new post. I mostly write because you mostly read. Starting out this blog 5 years ago, I had no idea how it would pan out but so far, I am immensely proud of my consistency in putting out content, the bravery that comes with bearing my heart out and the satisfaction that comes with reading my content. I do have notable subscribers who never shy from sharing their 2 cents and hitting the like button; Thank You!!! I literally am because you are. Your likes, comments, and views keep me going. (~~You would think I got nominated for an award; let us just carry on with that thought~~). Here is to 5 years 🥂🍾✨💫

My blog anniversary is co-shared with my brother’s birthday. Days to the 13th of August I think of him. A day to the 13th August I remember my blog and swell with pride. I would mention this as my biggest achievement in a job interview but who wants the follow-up question that would be to share my handle. Starting out, my goal was to have content and consistency but I never knew that I would keep that up for 5 consecutive years.

I still want my by-line. Apparently, the want is not bad enough as my senses have not taken leave. A day after the blog’s anniversary I received the below email which made me shed a tear.

I had come across an advertisement for a writing position and I shared the link to the blog as samples of my work. I thought my style of sharing my work showed a lack of effort on my part and I should have shared stand-alone posts. As always I forgot the job application and went on with my life.

I always wonder what would happen when I get a writing gig. Would that be the end of dimples migraines and aahs? After due diligence on this offer, I realized this was not the breakthrough that would fast-track my writing career. I was disappointed but quickly got out of my misery when I discerned that I have always been doing what I love which is writing way before anyone would give me their platform. On a work team building last weekend, I described my work in the company as reading and writing. I thought I had belittled my role as everyone’s description had gist which made mine lacklustre. I wondered why the vocabulary I had amassed over the years of reading was not self-evident. This week I grasped that there was no better description of what I do and realised that I do what I love daily.

What next for Dimples Migraines and Aahs? I would like to change the layout of the page and utilize the full potential of WordPress. I keep saying this and I want to commit. I want to write more, write better. I want to look back as I do now and be amazed. I want to proudly show off the work of my brain and not fear another’s judgement or perception of me because of it.

5 whole years!! I have not kept anything this long other than friendships. Yes 5, I did that, and still doing it.

I enlisted the services of chatGPT on what to write when my mind hit day 30 being blank. None of the suggestions appealed to me. I want to clean up the drafts that no longer make sense. They could not salvage the situation now and I do not think they will in the future.

I paused leisure reading in August, exam season was upon me #Adult Education. The exams were the norm, and my sentiments from Qué sera sera remain unchanged. I embark on this month’s book club Dark Matter over the weekend and I look forward to rereading the book and having a different perspective or the same from the first time.

2023 so far has been blessed. I am hitting an all-time high in the number of trips to the Kenyan Coast. This weekend I will visit Mv Logos Hope, a ship that is a moving library. The last ship of this kind was at the Kenyan Coast 18 years ago and I remember going every evening after school. My mum bought me a pictured Bible story which I loved and a book called The Singing Bear. It was the first novel I had and I dare say the visits to the Library and the two books fuelled my reading passion. Then I also cultivated my desire to travel the world by ship. I was impressed by the fact that this ship which is self-contained, a moving library, with staff of different nationalities, fully funded and operated by volunteers gets to dock in different ports every other 45 days.

I have been tracing more of my habits to my childhood. I am still learning, unlearning and re-learning. I generally sleep well, I eat too much fries and drink too much soda. I love, I am loved. I am struggling with better managing my finances. I value my friendships, family and relationships generally.

Today, I grieve for one of my closest friends who is laying her mum to rest tomorrow. My heart pains for her loss and every other loss any of my friends have had to endure in their lifetime. I feel like death robs us. It robs us of time with our loved ones. It robs us of the people we would have been had we not gone through the pain of loss. It robs us of smiles and living carefree because at the back of our minds, we know that joy and laughter can be replaced with tears and sadness in no time. I particularly grieve for each and every friend of mine who has lost a parent. I know the loss of a loved one but that of a parent is unknown to me. It hurts that there are no words that can be said to relieve them of their pain. It hurts that they will not have their lost parent to share their success and life journey with.

I hate pain, I hate loss, I hate grief. I hate that it lingers, I hate that once you know it you cannot unknow it. I hate that even though you know it you do not completely understand anyone else’s. If only each person could have the blessing of living without knowing grief, that is the wish I would ask my genie for.

Of course the tangent this writing has taken is not what I planned but it is the truest I could write on day 31 now pressed with time and on the verge of losing a 5-year streak. Phew! this was really close. May the writing Gods continuously favour me.

May 26, 2023

Vagina owners

I have always wanted to address the challenges faced by females here but never knew how that would play out with my male audience. I would have preferred the confines of a woman’s magazine but having not been contacted for the junior writer position I applied for I have to work with what I have. The women’s magazine would be a safe space where women’s issues are the topic of the day and sharing our fears is inevitable. I just binged the real daytime and the need to address women’s issues was evoked. That coupled with reading blogs and books and finally hearing a story from a friend and I just had to take part in this conversation. I hope the male counterparts have not been turned off by this paragraph.

In a discussion in my living room with my male friends about sexual harassment, one of them suggested that if women took extra caution i.e just dress appropriately in a manner not to suggest anything, walk in places that are safe and at the appropriate time they would not have half of these sexual harassment cases. Maybe… I don’t know the probability of that but what I do know is that it is not about the dressing or the time and definitely not the place.

I have a friend who since I met had a rather unique way of dressing. Always long skirts or dresses, circular in shape with minimal barely existent skin contact. She would pair these with an equally chest-covering top but being well endowed on the upper body, there was little the tops could hide. I thought she had embraced the hippie culture or probably just wanted to be the unique person in the room because truth be told girls her age do not dress like that.

The me too movement enabled her to come out and share her shuttering life experience. What she went through growing up as a girl, a vagina owner. She did not deserve that and I know you already have a wild guess and yes.. unfortunately, she was a victim of being a vagina owner with male relatives. There is literally no excuse or she could have done this at the age of seven. My male friend in the discussion we had tabled this category as an outlier. He did not know that for most women indecent acts, sexual harassment starts from a young age and just continues in other forms that are considered harmless such as catcalling or groping.

I have heard of women who cannot use public transport if the passengers in the particular vehicle are only males. Other women like my friend have resolved to wear only long dresses and skirts and keep off any makeup whatsoever just so to reduce the chances. A case in the newspapers reported a girl, a university student who while doing laundry in her house, a bedsitter and left the door open as she took pegs to hang her laundry had her room locked by 3 men in that span of a moment and raped by all three of them, another outlier?

So many cases are unreported. Very few people are made accountable. Unfortunately without proper evidence, there is not much that can be done; indecent acts go unpunished. Lisa Taddeo in her book Three Women tells the story of a girl, Maggie whose teacher committed indecent acts on her. The case was reported years later and determined by a Court in North Dakota in the United States. The teacher continues to teach, and obtains teacher of the Year award while the girl whose allegations were deemed false continues to live a damaged life.

It sickens me that these things happen to anyone anywhere for just being a vagina owner. It does not matter what you do, or not do vagina owners are just not safe. We have beseeched the other species to think of their sisters, their mothers, and their female friends because if they do not check a brother who does this to another, the next person will be that female you care about. As if it is not enough that the perpetrator himself came from a vagina owner.

I had this written in July 2020 but lacked the courage to post it. Since then I have handled a case where I had to defend a man accused of defiling his stepchild and it really tore my heart apart. I remember reading the witness statement of the victim and her sister and I cried the entire afternoon mourning the loss that the children were occasioned at such a young age. Come morning I wiped my tears and was ready to represent the accused to the best of my ability even casting doubt on the victim’s statement if need be. Luckily, the accused did not show up in Court and I only presented an argument that his bail should not be revoked and that the Court should set another hearing date. I knew I would not be able to go through the same ordeal again so I told my boss I was not comfortable handling the matter.

I remember previously I happened to side with a victim too soon and it turned out the incident was made up and the accused who was found guilty by the Court based on the evidence presented was actually framed. There was a documentary on TV about a girl who came clean 24 years later after the youthfulness of the detained man could not be returned to him much less his lost reputation. My girlfriends and I tried debating on whether when in this catch 22 it is better to have believed the victim and have to apologize to the accused than to cast doubt on someone’s truth and let them live the rest of their lives knowing their voice was not heard when they cried for help and that the society turned its back on them.

Today I had a similar debate on what it means when a man spends their money on ladies. My male friend argues that there is no free thing and what the lady considers gifts are but an investment by the man in lowering the girl’s guard. My male friend went ahead to say that girls should stop playing oblivious when the same men want to cash on their return on investment. I strongly advocate for men being forward with their intention and ensuring all parties are on the same page as to the nature and the intention of ‘acts of kindness’. We rested our case concluding that kudos to the men who come forward with their intentions, and for those who play this long baiting game, there will be victims and unfortunately, it can be either party. the man losing the girl he has been ‘baiting’ to a more forthcoming adversary or the ‘oblivious’ lady having to pay a price she did not know was set on her.

I hope there is a world where vagina owners are safe. I hope I get to see this world in my lifetime. I hope there is a world where men are forthcoming with their intentions. I wish everything was not transactional more so when it comes to the opposite gender. I hope that we can do more than just wish.

March 14, 2023March 14, 2023

Once upon a time there was you

She had this fairytale written to her future self before she stumbled on untamed and learned more about envisioning the truest, most beautiful life you want for yourself and ensuring you get nothing short of it. Dear love, she wrote… On this day, the person you are with does not celebrate valentine’s day. You thought you will finally get to do those couple dinners because for once valentine’s has found you partnered. Well, accept nothing short of being wined and dined heck you are a dime!

Wined and dined she was.. a knight in shining armour just scooped her and it was surreal. Manifesting, the universe conspiring to get her heart’s desires she affirmed. Well, it was rosy and colorful, she got something more than she envisioned and it kept true day by day. Yes, she was swept off her feet but only to be dropped a few miles ahead. A stepping stone it still was.

The morning after…
It is a sad lonely walk. Some call it a walk of shame. She is laughing at the absurdity of it all. The universe does not leave things halfway, she meets one of those familiar faces that you greet each day because you share a routine. Of course, he comments… have you been around, it’s been a month since I last saw you in the morning? That is literally the duration of the fairy tale, it wasn’t lost even to him. How does one answer that? Well, I had a guy…

It is the hour, and he still has not called. She was silently hoping it was a bluff. How does one go back to life after you? As she is settling to read the book that she kept off because who reads when it’s just the two of you, cruising, she picks it up, once upon a time there was you, that’s the title; touché.

Listen to are you crazy by Conor Maynard

December 24, 2022December 24, 2022

My travels to the Coast

My trips to Mombasa are always nostalgic. I grew up there as a young girl and it is the small joys that mattered. Then I only cared about who battered my bread and I had no free will of my own. I have gone back twice in my adult age and each of the trips back has been one of a kind.

The past month I have been busy traveling every weekend but somehow none of those journeys gave me the urge to be documented here. My visit to Coast was prompted by the need to reconnect with my roots. I hope that visiting the child in me by being with my childhood friends and reveling in the past would awaken and bring clarity to my future. It is the food and friends for me.

I thought I would finally get to board the SGR but turns out there was a memo that we should leave Nairobi for Mombasa to celebrate the long weekend. The train was fully booked and the connection I was assured normally gets you a seat onboard at a fee could do nothing for me.

I like it when I am determined because that is when I move heaven and earth. Flight prices were crazy but if push came to shove, they were not off the table. Since my journey was a trip back memory lane, it would meet the purpose if I used a bus like we used to. With the night curfew extended for 30 more days, most car companies have suspended night travel. I did get a bus, one of the oldies.

The arrangement was that the bus leaves Nairobi at 6.00pm but when curfew kicks in at 10.00pm we would have to park and resume our journey at 4.00am when it’s lifted. No difference with the SGR that arrives at 3.00am but passengers check out at 4.00am. The bus did not leave at 6:00pm but lucky enough, they kept driving through the 10pm curfew.

This was an October 2021 draft that I remember writing on my way back from my Mombasa trip. I really had a good time. I spent the long weekend eating from all my friends’ favourite spots. When the two of them differed we tried each of the places they liked and we decided which of the two was better. I am nostalgic thinking about this trip. I absolutely enjoyed how relaxing it was and the richness of the culinary experience.

Coast has to be a yearly destination. This year I went to Diani with a group of acquaintances. I had doubts about how the 4 night-long holiday will pun out. Remember our consensus in Bird Summons, also my hope of finally boarding the SGR did not materialize but I am convinced that road travel especially self drive is where the joy is at. There was some disorganization and I considered counting my loss on the deposit payment. I then told myself, I traveled to Tanzania with complete strangers when I was 19 and that went well. I traveled for the weekend to Sagana with another set of complete strangers and much as their company was a menace, I found joy in the little things and enjoyed reading a book I had carried with me. In short, I convinced myself that I would have a good time at least this time I had traveled with the group for a weekend in Eldoret sometime in the year.

The disorganization continued during the trip and I had to breathe through those moments. Despite everything, I enjoyed myself and I would have a repeat experience. If we get one or two things changed the trip would be top-notch. At the moment I fail to agree on which two. I would also have loved to have the time to visit my friends and repeat the culinary experience but no two trips are the same. My 2016 trip to Coast is dear to my heart because I was on that with my dad and I made memorable experiences with the people staying in the rooms next to mine. This is why a trip to the Coast has to be yearly, such rich experiences.

I enjoyed building this sand village. I started out and with the help of two, we made something.

I risked my hair for this shot. I took a lot of risks on this day. After several failed plans I decided to execute as many on my own. I woke up in the morning with resolve. I love how on this trip I was up early enough to watch the sunrise each day. The previous day I attended my first beach wedding and it was beautiful. Before that I had my first beach party roasting meat late in the night. It now sounds glamourous but that was an effect of bad planning.

I was at the beach as early as 8 am. I had envisioned quiet time, watching the waves, and joining a game of beach volleyball or football but I should have known these are more common in the evenings. I took a leap of faith and left my phone wrapped in my clothing and ventured into the ocean to ride the waves. A beach boy approached me and for some reason, I was unopposed to his company much as this was to be my quiet time; remember we had traveled as a group.

He took me to the Kongo river which was one of the failed plans. He guided me as I rode the waves ensuring I was swimming in danger-free zones at all times. The icing on the cake not only being the photos he took of me but without my asking, he offered to take me to the pool of Africa which was one of the failed plans that I had given up on. I enjoyed the company I found in the pool and swimming in it.

Image sourced from google, my camera did not have this clear shot

While journeying to the pool we found this abandoned hotel that would be a great business. I hope when I go back it would be reclaimed and brought back to the pristine state I believe it once was.

Everything about this trip worked for my good. I am now a step closer to fulfilling my Grown up dreams.

November 20, 2022November 22, 2022

There are no toxic jobs

Monday evening after work, I had the pleasure of being part of an audience watching a screening of The Cleaners. It was primarily about content moderators who work for social media sites and the nature of their job. They sieve through content uploaded by social media users across the world and their task is to delete or ignore a post or photo or video that does not meet the particular social media community guidelines.

At first, I thought, such a cool job. I determine which posts stay uploaded and which ones are taken down. In retrospect, that job would be a menace! I do not spend that much time on social media and constantly seeing other people’s thoughts and engaging in other people’s content will not help me reach deep within and create. Also, I have days that I disengage so what will happen then. Probably why my solution to the toxicity of this job would be to have the content moderators work one day and take the next off. This will mean they get ample time to disengage from what they see on a daily.

There was a robust discussion following this screening that made me miss my school years. People with differing opinions on whether this particular job was toxic or not. It opened up to the root problem which is the content people upload on their phones. This reminded me of a recent tweet by Nkatha which raised a hullabaloo. I think she innocently tweeted about how an intern in their law firm was sent to run an errand within Nairobi CBD and the intern used an uber.

On first reading I got how that struck her as appalling. Back in the day when I started this blog, I was an intern and we covered most of the distance walking, if need be we would be given bus fare. I remember being given uber fare once but that was more an exception than the rule. In my reading of Nkatha’s tweet, I Imagined the place the intern was sent around the vicinity. Sides were taken, and the people who shared my line of thought confirmed that within the Nairobi Central Business District it would take one longer to use an uber than walk on foot.

The tweet did not reveal whether the intern was sent with documents that hindered their movement or made it more reasonable to use a car. I remember my colleague and I using the trolley guys to help us ferry the documents we had and they go so fast! Luckily my colleague would keep up with their pace and I would catch up with them.

this is what we used; image sourced from google

Nkatha was muddled with tweets stating how she is a toxic senior for posting that about her intern and they attributed all other evils to her. I imagined how distraught she must have been reading those spiteful comments from people who do not know her in person but went to the extent of looking up her workplace, school history and getting her image. To make it worse it continued the next day and it still comes up in reference to toxicity. Yaani on average 3 people interact with your tweet then one day as you are tweeting with just your audience of 3 in mind it blows up to the unforgiving Kenyans on Twitter (KOT) and that is your end.

I consider the following when determining a toxic work environment:
1. lack of boundaries when it comes to employee breaks
2. An understaffed department that over works employees instead of recruiting
3.How seniors in the team handle mistakes committed by juniors who are new in the team
4. General interaction amongst employees

I had an interview earlier this week and boy do I think I have grown since interviewing for my first job. I was more timid then thinking if a particular organization does not want me I will not find one that does. I thought not getting a call back after an interview reflected a lack on my part. Now I understand that interviews are two way, they get to see whether I fit in their organization and I get to determine whether I will conform to their organization or find one that already accomodates me.

I do recognize that having supportive parents allows me to have my basic needs met in the absence of a job. I have also known how much getting a job that I am constantly trying to conform to just to provide my basic needs is harmful in the long run. These effects may take a long while to dissipate if I notice before making them the new normal. Frankly, between healing my inner child and adding onto work related trauma I would rather handle the former and avoid the latter.

The content moderators in the film tried having their concerns addressed and they were reminded of their bad economic position and the supervisor without micing words said you signed a contract shut up and work. A man in the audience saw no wrong in that comment. He told us that there are no toxic jobs. The film creators set out to appeal to people’s emotions; from the background music selected, to constant potrayal of poor neighbourhoods insinuating that as the lives the moderators led. He boldly informed the audience that content moderators are well renumerated and they knew what they were getting themselves into.

The audience became charged from that comment and many hands shot up in a bid to bring the context closer home and explain to him how individual circumstances vary. Notwithstanding the content of the employment contract, some people’s troubles deprive them bargaining power and thus the law should create an even playing field for such disadvantaged people. Tech Bros in the room were cautioned not to create the world’s biggest problem while trying to make the biggest pay cheque from their innovations.

What’s your take, are there toxic jobs?

November 6, 2022November 5, 2022

Two truths and a lie

1. I am a born-again Christian
2. I enjoyed Tusker Oktoberfest
3. I had a rough night at Tusker Oktoberfest

I am a self-confessed lover of Concerts. Despite that, I still struggle to commit to attending mostly because I never have company. Maybe one day I will tire out and the idea of being out in the cold will put me off and the vibrant crowd will no longer appeal to me. Tusker Oktoberfest particularly appealed to me because of the hype my former colleague made about the 2019 one. He used to compare every concert to that and much as they had amazing performances he said they did not match up to it.

Of course, I wanted to know what I was missing out on. I decided to cut my Nyahururu trip short and convinced the only person I knew needed a nudge to say yes. I slept the entire journey back to Nairobi because my day was full of celebration and the previous night I only managed 4-hours of sleep. Fatigue was bound to catch up with me.

Tusker Oktoberfest had been advertised early in the month. The tickets were not only affordable but also redeemable. The lineup had Kenyan artists and you would find more than one you wanted to see perform. I wonder what I would have to say about the event if I managed to keep up with the 3-day festival. This was the Kenyan equivalent of the likes of Belgium’s Tomorrow land, America’s Coachella, Ghana’s afronation and Uganda’s nyege nyege. I hope Tusker’s Oktoberfest keeps up the trend.

You could tell there was a large crowd from the traffic on Ngong road and the subsequent surge in Uber charges for that destination. Ticket verification was somewhat organized but they had a difficult time due to the large numbers of semi-drunk people so they beefed up security. Despite having this map, we got lost plenty because we could not risk having our phones out lest one of the revelers with ulterior motivation enriches themselves. We resorted to asking official attendants for directions.

This event had so much to offer but our pockets were not deep enough. There were various food joints, body art painting, photo booths, majority of which I noticed from people’s stories. Our main focus was watching the artists perform and even when we could catch a break, we did not because we feared losing each other in the crowd or losing the cool spot we had found which was close enough to enjoy the performances and less crowded. Our intention was to maintain a sober front but the universe had other plans in store for us.

Concerts are where you discover or showcase your lyrical prowess. I was impressed by my mastery of Papa Jones’ lyrics. Mejja had a banger after banger. I was psyched for Nadia Mukami’s performance but she never sang any of her hit songs, or wait, a vague memory of me singing along to one of her songs is coming. This has to be the best part about concerts, the memory lapse and flashbacks throughout the week as you try decipher whether your mind is playing games on you or those events happened. I am fifty fifty on my take of the cringe worthy moments.

Arriving at the event venue was such a hustle. Those driving had to endure hours of bumper to bumper traffic. Uber passengers either opted to alight and walk or take a nduthi. Others were in full business mode disposessing people of their phones. It is in the later unfortunate scenario that one of my friends found herself. Things just went downhill from there, with no phone that means no ticket, no means of reaching the people you were to have a good time with, no means of hailing an uber for your return home and possibly no access to money as majority heavily rely on Mpesa.

Having her phone stolen was not the big issue mostly the helplessness she found herself in after her phone was gone. I admire her resilience in forging onwards with alternative ways to pay for another ticket with the hope that she will eventually find her people once she got in. Remember when I mentioned I had not bumped into my alliance French Movie dates in Lost illusions well that happened but my friend who needed to meet just one person she knew was not lucky enough. I was intrigued by how two people could be at the same place and have totally different experiences. Seems like my truth, your truth and the truth are all truths depending on how you look at it.

I am a born again Christian, I know not how this saving grace to me he did impart nor how believing in his word wrought peace within my soul.
But I know whom, I have believed and am pursuaded, that he is able, to keep that which I have committed and to him against that day.
I know not when my Lord may come , I know not how or where, If I shall pass the vale of death or meet him in the air.

Today I get confirmed and commissioned by the Anglican Bishop of Nairobi Diocese. I should soon therafter partake in the Lord’s supper with the other believers. It has been 4 months of classes to understand my Christian faith and much as I am not your typical born again saved, I very much believe in the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ and Judgement day. This is what we had explained makes you a believer. Confessing this with your mouth and believing it in your heart makes you born again.

I know not how the spirit moves convincing men of sin, revealing Jesus through the word creating faith in him. Well, as a believer I should also aton my sins and have the desire to live a new life in Christ. This new life entails renouncing all evil, holding first my christian faith, obeing God’s will and commandments and serving him faithfully all the days of my life. Its been a heated debate in my classes on what evil entails. I already feel like questioning the belief makes one less of a believer. I am not one to follow things blindly and every step of the way I doubted if my catechist will forward my name alongside the other students. Much as this has come to pass, I know not what of good or ill may be reserved for me, of weary ways or golden days before his face I see.