Speech is silver, silence is golden. This idiomatic expression I learnt several years ago for my composition writing came to mind when I thought of how to begin addressing this. It means that not saying anything is better than speaking too much or saying something inappropriate. When I was in the company of my friends one afternoon, a name of one of my exes came into the conversation and he was described as inconsistent. It bothered me because I think he is many things but inconsistent would not be the first word I would use to describe him. In fact, he was very consistent.
I looked back and asked myself how did we get here? How did my friends form this idea that I was convinced was not the correct definition of him? The answers pointed back to me. None of them met him. They only knew of him and about him through me. All they know is what I tell them. I have had to take several steps back and analyse what was said, when it was said and how it was said. I realized more often, I reported with my sentiments in tow.
With this in mind, I am analyzing every other response or opinion that has been formed by my family or friends on the people I know and even the opinions I have formed on other people based on what I have heard. There is a general need to be better at relaying facts and distinguishing them from opinion. I find it funny that in a group of friends XYZ, you will find that X and Z have differences with Y’s significant other to an extent that they do not see eye to eye and the two camps believe the other camp is not good for Y. In non algebra terms, I am referring to a situation when your friends do not like your significant other and the dislike is mutual from your significant other. The only constant in this equation is you and the dislike might be breeding from your description of one person to the other.
I may not have a go to manual for reference or something you can quote but all I intend to do with this post is to bring to your attention that this could be happening in your circles. The first step to curb the misrepresentation of someone’s character is only relay facts. Saying that A is a inconsistent is your opinion. Instead you should say that A hit me up for a date on Thursday then come Thursday he went silent on me and resumed the conversation like nothing happened on Friday. All these transactions are simply facts that are indisputable.
In most of the conversations we hold, we are invited as we invite others to tell us how they are. This includes talk about the people we relate with on a daily basis or even from time to time; colleagues, neighbours, other friends, acquaintances and even strangers who cross our paths. It is important that we only relay facts when narrating our ordeals so that we give a fighting chance for the person we are speaking about to form an impression for themselves on the other person. If it happens that once in a while your opinion slips correct your listener and distinguish the facts. This will not be a one time practice, it is something we have to intentionally choose every single time we decide to speak of someone. No matter how long it takes us to make this habit a practice, always make it your intention to speak only facts.
Dimples Migraines and Aahs 