My reading this year has taken a hit. There was a time I felt saturated with books and I could take in no more. My reading culture has been hanging by the thread of bookclub and this was our October book of the month.
We were sold on a romance book. We had just read Dark Matter by Blake Crouch, a science fiction and we wanted something light. The member who recommended this book had read 3 more by the author and she spoke highly of the writing style. I went in expecting my romance story and my description of this book would not feature romance much as there was a love story. It is more of historical fiction.
Elif takes us to Cyprus. I knew nothing about Cyprus when I picked this book. It’s inhabited by Greeks, Turks and few English people. The story is told by a Fig tree which narrates the ordeals of humans, animals, birds and nature at a time of war. The prose is highly descriptive and it reminded me of a literature tool we learnt of called personification.
Majority of the book club members loved this book and Elif’s writing style. One member hated that about the book but I think mostly so because he consumed the audio version. I had both love and hate. Love that the writing style was not the ordinary. Loved that we got to read about plants, animals and now I can bury and unbury a fig tree. Disliked the overly descriptive text. Disliked personification as it was unrealistic. I could not pin point a specific theme the book was bringing about but during the book club discussion, much came to light.
This writing is not for a surface level reader. A literature student would very much appreciate the text. I struggled reading to the end and I actually finished the book after the discussion. There is not much to write home about the book but I feel I must mention that it pointed out two things for me: Wherever you go, there you are and humans give differential treatment based on appearance.
I plan to give Elif’s writing a second chance but in the meantime, I would be careful recommending anyone to read this book. I look forward to the next book club meeting as I am now pinned to task in reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth.
If you are on the verge of a rut, do not pick this up.
Finally my book hiatus has been lifted. It has been a struggle to find a book that soaks me in from the onset and keeps me turning the pages. This book my dear readers got me captivated for 3 days and only because I left room for my daily responsibilities. I remember waking up on Monday morning to work and I slot in 15 minutes for a nap which was substituted by book reading. I have enjoyed my commute these 3 days and I seem to be getting back hold of the routine that has steadied me for the past 3 years.
I might have jinxed myself at the beginning of the year when I boldly put out 40 books as my year’s reading challenge. Previously, I have not been committing to the number and the goal was just to read. Then, I easily reached this target. I am yet to check my track but I am far from hitting 15 books. Normally at this time of the year, I would be on my 23rd. To summarize the perks of In Every Mirror She is Black;
The writing checks
Characters check
Delivery of the plot checks
The pace of the book checks
I am still yet to figure out the reasoning behind the choice of Title
The book is about 3 black girls; Muna is Somali, seeking asylum in Sweden, Brittany is African American first generation immigrants from Jamaica, Kemi is Nigerian but raised in America. Yes, their skin colour makes them stand out. They each face different struggles having found their way to Sweden through different circumstances but all as a result of Johnny Von Ludin and they all come to meet (six degrees of separation at work) which is always the beauty of life. I waited for this meet-up. I think each of them having different circumstances made it hard for the writer to conjure a seamless scene. I liked that the author did not meet my expectation or succumb to the guise of sisterhood just because the girls are black.
This book hit close to home for two reasons: Ever since my first visit to Sweden, I always thought I would go back for either studies or work. It was easy for me to figure my way around, the food was generally of acceptable quality as there were many cuisines to pick from and the provision of drinking water at restaurants was a given. Like Kemi, I did quickly slip into a routine of getting my morning coffee and pastry from one local cafe at the same time each morning. I also noticed that in social places i.e clubs, the men would generally hold your gaze and or stare suggestively without necessarily making a move. It was hard to socialize within the Swedish circles which I now understand is because they generally refrain from indulging in personal conversations. Also, the concept of fika and the lagom lifestyle were ideals that I would want to be part of my life. Brittany’s description of the greys in Johnny’s lavish apartment made me crave colour and personality as opposed to just simplicity which is mostly reflected in neutrals.
We may never put the final nail on the question what do women bring to the table but from Brittany and Johnny’s relationship, it is clear that all their eggs are in one basket and that basket is on top of the table. I am really holding back on having this discussion here as I will reveal some spoilers. I am looking forward to the book club meeting and having this issue discussed.
Kemi seems to have grasped the concept of all that glitter is not gold. In her professional capacity, she is expected to date a certain calibre of men but time and again she is mingling with the exact opposite. During the catch-up call when she informs her twin sister she has met someone, the sister conveys her hope that Kemi did not leave the American electricians to settle for Swede electricians in reference to the profession of her ex-boyfriend who clearly did not have the family’s approval. Kemi translates this as God’s time is right but God’s electricians are apparently not right for her.
Brittany who is dating someone from the upper class is viewed as a gold digger, Kemi is looked down upon for dating men lower than her pay grade. In Kenya when a woman gets her man to listen to her, be a present father and dote over her as should be the case you will hear that the man is bewitched and that he has lost himself. Kemi was left wondering if Sweden was giving her Tobias in exchange for her career.
This book hit close to home because it has been a month since one of my best friends left to work abroad. While reading I am wondering whether she has a softer landing. I would like to have the opportunity like Tanesha to visit often and be part of her milestones. I have had another set of friends go for studies abroad and from them I learnt that it gets lonely and having friends and family checking in is a reprieve. My heart goes out to my other friend who went much earlier during COVID and I hope the feeling of isolation is not drowning.
I believe we should have more books that portray a golden lifestyle, where love triumphs and the male character is rich, kind, affectionate, and free from any hidden intentions. It seems like we are constantly reminded to be cautious of men, and the world could do with one less reason to fear them. I did love the depth of this book. I am perturbed by what a train delay is euphemism for. I cannot wait to walk the streets of Sweden with this book in mind. The suspenseful conclusion was perfect. I am left with Kemi’s relationship and career and Brittany and Maya on my mind.
I love firsts. I am happy to have been introduced to Lolá through her first adult novel. She gave the book a more personal touch with the conversation at the tail end and for that, she will be etched in my mind. Every time I read an author’s first, I re-birth my dream of writing someday and I hope I will be as good an author. Your voice is more powerful than you think… Never, ever let the world convince you that your struggles are invalid. Never stop fighting to be nobody but yourself; she advices.
I have always wanted to address the challenges faced by females here but never knew how that would play out with my male audience. I would have preferred the confines of a woman’s magazine but having not been contacted for the junior writer position I applied for I have to work with what I have. The women’s magazine would be a safe space where women’s issues are the topic of the day and sharing our fears is inevitable. I just binged the real daytime and the need to address women’s issues was evoked. That coupled with reading blogs and books and finally hearing a story from a friend and I just had to take part in this conversation. I hope the male counterparts have not been turned off by this paragraph.
In a discussion in my living room with my male friends about sexual harassment, one of them suggested that if women took extra caution i.e just dress appropriately in a manner not to suggest anything, walk in places that are safe and at the appropriate time they would not have half of these sexual harassment cases. Maybe… I don’t know the probability of that but what I do know is that it is not about the dressing or the time and definitely not the place.
I have a friend who since I met had a rather unique way of dressing. Always long skirts or dresses, circular in shape with minimal barely existent skin contact. She would pair these with an equally chest-covering top but being well endowed on the upper body, there was little the tops could hide. I thought she had embraced the hippie culture or probably just wanted to be the unique person in the room because truth be told girls her age do not dress like that.
The me too movement enabled her to come out and share her shuttering life experience. What she went through growing up as a girl, a vagina owner. She did not deserve that and I know you already have a wild guess and yes.. unfortunately, she was a victim of being a vagina owner with male relatives. There is literally no excuse or she could have done this at the age of seven. My male friend in the discussion we had tabled this category as an outlier. He did not know that for most women indecent acts, sexual harassment starts from a young age and just continues in other forms that are considered harmless such as catcalling or groping.
I have heard of women who cannot use public transport if the passengers in the particular vehicle are only males. Other women like my friend have resolved to wear only long dresses and skirts and keep off any makeup whatsoever just so to reduce the chances. A case in the newspapers reported a girl, a university student who while doing laundry in her house, a bedsitter and left the door open as she took pegs to hang her laundry had her room locked by 3 men in that span of a moment and raped by all three of them, another outlier?
So many cases are unreported. Very few people are made accountable. Unfortunately without proper evidence, there is not much that can be done; indecent acts go unpunished. Lisa Taddeo in her book Three Women tells the story of a girl, Maggie whose teacher committed indecent acts on her. The case was reported years later and determined by a Court in North Dakota in the United States. The teacher continues to teach, and obtains teacher of the Year award while the girl whose allegations were deemed false continues to live a damaged life.
It sickens me that these things happen to anyone anywhere for just being a vagina owner. It does not matter what you do, or not do vagina owners are just not safe. We have beseeched the other species to think of their sisters, their mothers, and their female friends because if they do not check a brother who does this to another, the next person will be that female you care about. As if it is not enough that the perpetrator himself came from a vagina owner.
I had this written in July 2020 but lacked the courage to post it. Since then I have handled a case where I had to defend a man accused of defiling his stepchild and it really tore my heart apart. I remember reading the witness statement of the victim and her sister and I cried the entire afternoon mourning the loss that the children were occasioned at such a young age. Come morning I wiped my tears and was ready to represent the accused to the best of my ability even casting doubt on the victim’s statement if need be. Luckily, the accused did not show up in Court and I only presented an argument that his bail should not be revoked and that the Court should set another hearing date. I knew I would not be able to go through the same ordeal again so I told my boss I was not comfortable handling the matter.
I remember previously I happened to side with a victim too soon and it turned out the incident was made up and the accused who was found guilty by the Court based on the evidence presented was actually framed. There was a documentary on TV about a girl who came clean 24 years later after the youthfulness of the detained man could not be returned to him much less his lost reputation. My girlfriends and I tried debating on whether when in this catch 22 it is better to have believed the victim and have to apologize to the accused than to cast doubt on someone’s truth and let them live the rest of their lives knowing their voice was not heard when they cried for help and that the society turned its back on them.
Today I had a similar debate on what it means when a man spends their money on ladies. My male friend argues that there is no free thing and what the lady considers gifts are but an investment by the man in lowering the girl’s guard. My male friend went ahead to say that girls should stop playing oblivious when the same men want to cash on their return on investment. I strongly advocate for men being forward with their intention and ensuring all parties are on the same page as to the nature and the intention of ‘acts of kindness’. We rested our case concluding that kudos to the men who come forward with their intentions, and for those who play this long baiting game, there will be victims and unfortunately, it can be either party. the man losing the girl he has been ‘baiting’ to a more forthcoming adversary or the ‘oblivious’ lady having to pay a price she did not know was set on her.
I hope there is a world where vagina owners are safe. I hope I get to see this world in my lifetime. I hope there is a world where men are forthcoming with their intentions. I wish everything was not transactional more so when it comes to the opposite gender. I hope that we can do more than just wish.
My book club is back. It had been a long hiatus and as usual, they point me to books that would have taken me a while to pick up myself. In February when it made its return, we rekindled the flame with Home is not a Country by Safia Elhillo. It was a short easy read that took me a long while. I tend to think it is the writing style, poetry. Maybe it was the mention of the twin Aisha saw and how that made little sense to me until I was more than 100 pages in ( as is the custom with YA books). I thought it was light enough for us to have a discussion on the heavy topics addressed as well as have enough time to catch up after the separation.
The poverty in Eniolá’s family was heartbreaking. I can imagine how he and Bùsólá felt being dragged to beg in the streets. Poverty strips off dignity. Eniolá could not even play with other children because he had to hide from the landlord lest he remembered the rent they were late in paying. Their mum was hardworking through and through and her hardwork did not bear the fruits we were promised it does. I saw education in a different lense when Eniolá talks about how going to a private school gave him better chances to succeed in life despite him being a poor learner. I would feel his pain when they got caned for not paying school fees. I disliked being caned for the flimsy reasons such as failing an exam or noise making and the thought of being canned for something beyond your control is a bit much.
The book does pay homage to the saying bad company ruins good morals but the character was literally pushed to the limit. Politics seems to be same in African Countries with some leaders using every means to get votes in their favour. The ending was sad, I felt bad but also could not lay blame because from the cards the character was dealt, the result could not have been anticipated and through and through we saw the character’s good will. I would not have been able to live with myself afterwards and I would not want my family to have to live with me.
Ayòbámi Adèbáyò delivers like she did with Stay with me only that I did not see the spell of good things in this book. I really waited for tables to turn, I kept reading and hoping maybe, just maybe. She addresses depression in a way that it creeps into an African home. For a long time people have associated depression as a Western disease and Africans are spared because they are hardened moreso the male figures who carry the financial weight of the family and keep everything to themselves. It is humbling seeing your father unable to provide and still having respect for him. It is sad seeing him reduced to a shell of himself and the nudge to do something just to provoke a reaction which will show that somewhere in the shell of the man, is the father you grew to admire.
Ayòbámi shows us how fate changes and life is no longer the same. We see Kids like Sà ámú who are forced to be adults at a very young age and fend for themselves. She addresses domestic violence in a way that reminded me of Colleen Hoover’s It ends with us. The man you love hits you, then hits you again and you love him because the hitting stems out from the love you know he has for you and he never gives you a reason to doubt the love he has for you. You believe you are doing the right thing covering up the bruises and not burdening your loved ones who know he is a gentleman. You want to relieve them from worrying about you and you hope he will change because that is what he says each time as he holds you and nurses your bruises.
I did not write the phrases that caught my eye from the book because I had not planned to review it then. I hope the snippet I have given is enough for you to decide to read the book.
I picked this book under protest. Why would I care if someone had seven Husbands especially since they were not concurrent. I hated the blurb, I hated the first 100 pages but I continued to read maybe to spread the hate or see whether I would have a change of heart. I hated that this book came highly recommended by not 1 or 2 but 3 of my friends. I hated that I spent an hour updating my reads for the past 3 years on Goodreads so that I could get a recommendation based on books I have read and liked and goodreads’ first suggestion was this.
For once I felt ashamed to publicly declare my current read and would much rather say I was not currently reading anything. I had already judged myself and the book too harshly and I passed over the judgment to everyone else even before they could do it. What’s to write about a woman’s 7 husbands… of course it cannot be your everyday woman, it had to be based on somebody extraordinary whose life we would want a sneak peek of. I really cared less about Evelyn’s Husbands but for some reason I kept going.
The book is an easy read. The author, editor or publisher thought fit to give it a twist. For me it was just meeh because I was just reading the words and that they tell a story was a bonus. It is the first book that I hated with every part of my being but still flipped through the pages. My hatred for Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secret of the Universe developed as I was reading the book but this one was pre-meditated. I decided I was not interested in the book, I did not like the story, and the blurb further confirmed this but I still read.
Evelyn Hugo was a go-getter. She knew she lacked what it takes to be an actress but she put in the work. I liked that the book brought out a concept I believe in that it just takes one person taking a chance on you and from there you have to capitalize on it. The author says no one throws caution to the wind unless the wind is blowing their way. The other concept that I believe in that the book brought out was that if you are looking for a reason to do something you will always find it. I believe we make up our minds and then find reasons to support our decision but disguise the process and make the reason seem to be what pushed us to make the decision. An example would be my dislike for the book because hate is such a strong word that was unfounded but after reading the blurb I decided even that supports my decision.
I know this book review is not what you were expecting and has veered off my style and even so, it is exactly what I will put up not because I hate the book or the author but to maintain my projection of thoughts and feelings like I always have. Given that you have read this far, my continuous use of the word hate has not put you off. I normally put down books I dislike or read them as a mockery as I am currently doing with Our Chemical Hearts by Krystal Sutherland. I do not remember any other book that evoked hatred from me but there has to be a reason why I kept flipping the pages. Do read the book and judge yourself.
I have just finished my third book of the year Educated by Tara Westover. I think the title is the best fit for the book and the cover even better. Educated is a memoir and bruh, Tara has literally been through it. I bring up the book to give context to my thought process. Tara’s parents did not believe in formal education. They both seem to have received formal education in their formative years. The first 3 children were allowed to go to school for a while until Tara’s dad decided it was no good for them and he had them drop out. Their mum home-schooled them for a while but their dad always found tasks to engage them in until they had no time to sit and learn.
Among the siblings, those who were interested in formal education had to teach themselves. Their mum gave them guidance here and there but mostly it was personal drive. She mostly ensured that they knew how to read and from there they would learn whatever they thought relevant. Tara learned how to read using the Mormon Bible. She went straight from a lack of formal education to studying for her entrance exam to the university and from there she worked her way to get her Doctorate. Two of her siblings also managed to achieve that.
In educated we see how other people’s limiting beliefs can be imparted to us. Sometimes we carry the mantle of defending those beliefs as if they are our very own maybe because we do not want to imagine that we have held onto something for so long that is untrue. Tara’s dad had strong beliefs about who a faithful servant was and he ensured his family not only knew the beliefs but also practiced them. They never sought medical attention for the serious injuries inflicted while working for their dad. they waited on the Lord to cure them because he had allowed the injury to happen in the first place and everything is his will.
To admit uncertainty is to admit to weakness, to powerlessness, and to believe in yourself despite both. It is a frailty but in this frailty, there is strength: the conviction to live in your own mind and not in someone else’s. I have often wondered if the most powerful words I wrote that night came not from anger or rage but from doubt; I don’t know. I just don’t know.Not knowing for certain, but refusing to give way to those who claim certainty was a privilege I had never allowed myself. My life was narrated for me by others. Their voices were forceful, emphatic, absolute. It had never occurred to me that my voice might be as strong as theirs.
This book is 4 stars for me and I definitely recommend nonetheless I link Lwile’s review of the book which I absolutely loved and understand her rating of the book at 1 and 1/2 stars https://lwiletheleo.com/2023/02/13/educated-by-tara-westover/. I hope you get to see that whether it is in praise or otherwise, we both talk about the book and on that basis hope that you too pick it up to see the nuances and the drive of our rating of the book.
We began the year in England around the 1850s when there was a cholera outbreak and several people died. Shortly in this period, Prince Albert succumbed to typhoid. Fallen Grace took us to low-income England where survival was a struggle and those who could not afford shelter went to workhouses. This is the first fiction book I have encountered with a very detailed bibliography mostly because of its historical bit. It assured me that my academic writing skills will still be of use in leisure writing. A friend of mine read this book in French and I would like to have that experience. Since I do not mind re-reading this book I might as well.
Next, we wandered off to Australia. The good sister was a psychological thriller that scattered my cognitive capacity. It was an absolute mind fuck and reminded me of Collen Hoover’s Verity. Mid-year Queenie took me back to the UK. I liked how different this book was. In total, I managed to read 30 books and If I keep up this writing style, the prose will be longer. What was different in my 2022 reading was that I only read the books I liked given that my book club took an indefinite break. Before the break, Our January read was memoirs of a porcupine which I struggled with. I did like the discussion we had about the book and the realization that there was much I had failed to appreciate when reading it.
There was a higher rate of re-reading in 2022 because much as I wanted to read, I wanted authors I am familiar with and books I knew would deliver. I read untamed by Glennon Doyle and let be a woman by Elisabeth Eliott twice. Untamed is my go-to for that push and I have accepted that I will keep going back to it. Morning Noon and Night and The Stars shine Down were my Sidney Sheldon’s re-read for the year. I also re-read The Mothers by Brit Bennet and still on the high of the good writing, I picked up the Vanishing Half by the same author.
I had several notable reads featured in my blog posts throughout the year. Recursion by Blake Crouch which never got mentioned was one of them. He is always my go-to author for good science fiction. I still think Dark Matter by him rates higher maybe because it is what introduced me to him. He is also the only author I follow on social media as I try to understand how he comes up with such stories that trip our reality. Reading his books also makes me appear smart because of the quantum physics picked in the pages. Let me plug in a series called good behavior based on his works. The script and the characters Letty and Javier are it for me.
Colleen Hoover also made a comeback in 2022 with Reminders of Him which I absolutely loved. I have been wary of reading It starts with us because I did not want it to ruin it ends with us. Then, I did not wish to know Atlas’ story but after reading the blurb now, I am certain I will pick it up to usher in February.
In between the year, there were books that were just there for me. I read the Sex Lives of African Women by Nana Darkoa because there was a play based on it and all the notable women in the theatre and arts industry had roles in it which made tickets go for 5000KES. My thoughts were that Girl Woman Other by Bernardine Evaristo was better at exploring that theme much as it was not centered on African women. Considering at the start it is quite a difficult read with the lack of punctuation and several characters being introduced, it is a gift that keeps on giving for the readers who stay put.
I read the golden couple by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekannen as part of my research on whether I should give therapy a try. The book is about a couple who go for therapy. I did see the perks from the book but mostly came out with the idea that 10 sessions are enough. Tell me lies by Carola Lovering was quite relatable. the story not so much but I often drop the title conveniently in situations I believe a significant or not-so-significant other is pulling my leg. The book cover was also among the best for the books I read in 2022. I got this recommended by the bad on paper podcast I listen to.
I wanted to write a review of this book when it was still fresh in my mind but I somehow talked myself out of it. This book will trigger you. well not the whole of it, parts of it. You have either been a Lucy or you know a Lucy. Someone summed it up on google reads as follows and I think this is the best depiction.
Tell me lies is about that one person who still haunts you – the other one. the wrong one. the one you couldn’t let go of. The one you will never forget.
There are three sets of parents; those who are so in love with each other that their children are inconsequential, those who are still together because of their children and lastly those who do their role as partners and parents. The most fun we ever had by Claire Lambard is centered on Marilyn and David, (the first set of parents) and their four daughters. Wendy’s acquired sense of humor, her relationship that is full of love and not so typical. Violet’s perfect family that is not so perfect. Liza finding herself pregnant with a baby she is not sure she wants by a man she is not sure she loves. Grace who has that best friend who can be a boyfriend. Each of the relationships in this book is very close to reality. This was also the longest read of the year with 621 pages.
The following books had covers that I think were in line with the plot: Fallen Grace, Reckless Girls, Born a Crime, Memoirs of a Porcupine, Cilka’s Journey, A man called Ove, Queenie and Tell me Lies. I liked the cover of the Most Fun We Ever Had and Such a Fun Age.
Books in 2022 were what I needed them to be at the time of reading. I hope to discover more books in 2023, revisit some authors from the past and read more of their work. My book-related goal in 2023 is to be more active on Goodreads.
Life for me is lived between reading and writing. I am never not reading anything. I do have books that I leave halfway ever since I embraced the fact that I am not obliged to finish every book I pick up. Lately, I have not been aligning with the writing styles or general plot of books. I have been to bookstores severally hoping something will catch my eye. Those that do and I screenshot that I will look up reviews on Google reads have not made that further step.
I journal and I have been doing that more frequently. I feel the urge to have my thoughts and feelings on paper. (This was the position when I started this draft but it has changed. Planning to revive my journalling in November)
I have not had a striking idea for a post but I have had striking notes that I would like to share. Snippets from conversations I have had, films I have watched, and phrases that made sense and had to be in writing. As usual, this draft was left pending and as I finish, I have been able to re-read a Sidney Sheldon book called the Stars Shine Down.
With Sidney Sheldon, I always know what I will get. A strong female character who is a mogul in a particular field that is usually male-dominated. There will be a love interest or two, descriptive writing about places, foods and luxury items and the joy of it all suspense. I wonder how he still manages to achieve that even for books I have already read.
With Stars Shine Down I knew the lady was into the building industry but the depths of the story were long forgotten. In the last 5 pages, I thought I had joined the dots but I was in for a beautiful surprise. The ladies in Sheldon’s books are always self-made. He has a way of making them fall for the Mafia gang leader. Now that I think of it, all these self-made business moguls in his books have friends in high places who have called shots for them. This coming week I will end the month re-reading Morning Noon and Night and get back to you on whether my general description of Sidney Sheldon stands. Nonetheless, he still is my first favorite author and I can now pinpoint the aspects of my life that he shaped with his writing.
Here goes my list of five phrases that withstood my overthinking:
1. You are on your way to where you are going I cannot remember how I came across this phrase but it sure did strike a chord. The path you currently are on is what will lead you to a destination. You can see from the onset that you do not like the destination but many stay on the same path hoping the destination changes. This is a reminder that if you want to change the destination you will have to change the path. You are on your way to where you are going.
2. Start how you want to proceed This feels similar to the first. I have now remembered the context in which I heard these first three phrases. This was from the speech given to the advocates who were admitted to the bar on 5th August 2022. It was in relation to practising as an advocate but I think it applies generally in every other aspect of daily life.
3. It never goes wrong; it starts wrong. Ever since I heard this phrase that is all I have been seeing. In everything going wrong, I go back to the start as I analyze how wrong it started.
4. It is okay for things to end. I was happy to learn that I was not the only one with this challenge. I was listening to the messy in-between podcast and Lydia KM was sharing how she has a hard time with relationships coming to an end. She feels like she did not make a right choice from the beginning or work hard enough to ensure it stands the test of time. For her failure was a reflection of her effort or lack thereof. I would like to enjoy the metamorphosis and not put pressure on things to become anything.
5. Kataa vitu zingine hadi zikukatae. These are the famous words of one of my friends which stuck with me the first time I heard her say them. The example I have hits home for Kenyans. Parents and relatives will always urge you to take on things you do not want or like especially jobs just so you have something to do. They cannot fathom you turning down an offer just because it isn’t something you want. We have tested this principle and it works. During the testing of your patience in the process just keep ku kataa those things hadi zikukatae.
Since my writing, I finished morning noon and night. This book challenges my generalisation of strong lead female characters that is Sidney Sheldon’s Style. The mastermind here was a man and the story revolved around a wealthy man who was stingy with his children. He could not even spare love and affection. One of the children outwits the others in wanting to inherit more but the culprit is stopped. We do see a successful fashion designer and learn a bit about that industry. There is also the rags-to-riches story of one of the children. I reread The Mothers by Brit Bennet in a day as I felt the urgent need to relieve the plot. The writing made me start on the Vanishing half also by Brit Bennet and I can safely say my reading mojo is back.
Looking forward to a balance of writing and reading in November. Until then, love and light.
It is hard for me to tell what my readers like. I have life update posts, book reviews, edutainment-like posts and pretty much anything I feel inspired to write. Is it that you like what I like or you like what I write because they are both the same thing. I thought this post would not be for my typical readers then I wondered who my typical readers are. The demographics of those who have subscribed to be notified is completely different from that wordpress notifys me engage with my post. I will just keep writing what I like.
Yesterday I was with company and I was asked to make porridge. Apparently, the person had missed porridge and had no idea how to make. I like cooking and there are many things I learn by checking online recipes. I could think of several solutions my company had; had he tried following instructions on the porridge flour because it is always right there, maybe even goggle but he saw it fit to ask me to make it for him.
As I was stirring the paste I kept thinking that maybe he had tried making porridge but he lacked the patience required. Porridge tends to form balls of flour when left unattended. I hate drinking porridge that has those balls because I am forced to keep spitting them out or swallow depending on my relationship with the person who cooked. I stood over the pot diligently stirring while also giving it time to cook undisturbed. I could not help but feel sorry for girls my age who had no idea what is coming their way upon marriage. I do not have expertise on the subject but having lived with a man, I think I have a rough Idea which is better than theoretical knowledge.
I have not been privileged to attend weddings this far in the year. There is a wedding I attended sometime back and I enjoyed the sermon. The pastor intimated that man and woman are different. They were created differently and the two reason differently. Every single day I see these differences and what would be so obvious to me is not as obvious to my male company and vice versa. What cracked me up was the pastor’s statement to the newlyweds that when either of them gets frustrated because of these differences, they should try accommodate the other otherwise they should have married someone from their gender who will see things as they do.
Glennon Doyle thought that was not such a bad idea. She advocates for writing the truest, most beautiful story about your life you can imagine and then conjure up the courage to make real the imagined. In her imagining her truest life, she ended up in a partnership with a woman. Here is her monologue from her book untamed:
What I want to say is: What if I wasn’t born this way at all? What if I married Abby not just because I’m gay but because I’m smart? What if I did choose my sexuality and my marriage and they are simply the truest, wisest, most beautiful, most faithful, most divine decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life? What if I have come to see same-gender love as a really solid choice- just a brilliant idea?
At this point I feel like I have to tread carefully with what I write next. Just to bring clarity to my new readers and those who have been following the blog, I share lots of things that I come across even when I am still processing. I advocate for learning, un-learning and relearning. Maya Angelou says that we do our best until we know better then we do better.
I am inclined to think that those who opt to move in with their partners want to see these differences and decide whether they are willing to put up with the differences. There is a line of thought against doing that and I chose to reiterate Glennon Doyle when she advocates going with what is truest for you.
I must have talked about this book in a previous post Can we skip to the good part but having revisited the ideologies raised, I would advocate for you to read the book and form opinions of your own. I am excited as I wait for the hard copy that I am shipping as I believe I would want this book in my collection having read an e-copy.
I do not know what will prepare girls my age for the part of their lives they will share with their significant others. I cringe when I think of all the things I have had to learn, unlearn and re-learn and I do not know where to start sharing. I think their only hope will be to do their best until they know better and even while doing their best, I will completely advocate for not losing yourself in the process, here is another excerpt from Glennon’s book that I hope convinces you to get a copy for yourself.
…women who are best at this disappearing act earn the highest praise: she is so selfless.
Can you imagine? The epitome of womanhood is to lose one’s self completely.
I love myself now. Self-love means that I have a relationship with myself built on trust and loyalty. I trust myself to have my own back so my allegiance is to the voice within. I’ll abandon everyone else’s expectations of me before I’ll abandon myself. I’ll disappoint everyone else before I disappoint myself. I’ll forsake all others before I’ll forsake myself. Me and Myself we are till death do us part.
As I am at it, I will leave a screenshot of a post I came across that is in line with what Glennon says and may be what girls my age need to hear in addition to the above.
Choose yourself as you listen to the voice within.
Queenie, the title of the book, and the main character’s name. It was my turn to choose a book of the month in my book club and I was blank. Of course I had books on my to-be-read list but I could not settle on a safe book that would be interesting enough to discuss. I got some help in choosing this book and the guy who encouraged me to pick it would be reading it for the third time. I do not have a book that I have re-read more than once. I think I should re-read two of Paulo Coelho’s books because I may have a better understanding of them now.
I have to give credit for the book cover. I think we under-estimate the great lengths the people tasked with coming up with book covers go to. It took Colleen Hoover’s books for me to realize that the same book can have different covers in different geographical locations. They really want us to judge the books by the cover I would think. Maybe they realized we do it anyway. I do not think a book’s cover has been the reason I pick up a book or leave one. Book covers have to some extent enhanced my experience while reading the book. I should analyze books by their covers before the year ends.
I prefer books that have the chapters in a flow more than those with one person narrating then the other character narrating. I am also liking the use of text messages in books because that is really how friends communicate, that and screenshots. I am looking forward to a book that will have characters communicating through memes. If the main character is female and has a friend group with different personalities and we get to see how she relates to each of the friends, more points for the book. We should also have male characters’ friendships explored.
I have been holding off having a stand-alone post for this book so my memory is not as fresh. I write this having read 4 other books since I finished Queenie and it has been so much in my head that I had to give in. I like authors who give a time, place, and persona to their characters. Queenie is a black female dating a white guy Tom and there is a lot to unpack on biracial couples and white privilege. This reminds me of such a fun age by Kiley Reid which had a white character who dated black girls so that he is not identified as racist but he very much was. Racism is not much of what my Kenyan audience encounters but I still recommend Queenie because it unpacks more than that.
Queenie has 3 friends. We learn how she became close to each of them and see how friends from high school, friends from college and work colleagues come together albeit each knowing you at different stages of life. Queenie has some phase in her life when she is figuring things out and her friends are patient through it. I like that we get to see the friends hang out after work, go to a BLM protest, a concert, it made the characters more real.
Queenie’s therapy helped me as a reader. I loved how much she grows from the beginning to the end of the book. The book is so realistic that the author acknowledges that there are journies in life we take solo. A friend might hold your hand, a family says prayers for you but you take the journey by yourself. It reminds me of untamed by Glennon Doyle; another book I would recommend to my female audience.
I would have done this book more justice had I written a draft the moment I finished the book but this is also good because I do not divulge all the juice. The four books I read and Queenie were all centered on female characters navigating their lives. Tell me lies by Carola Lovering is another that I would want to write about because the story is not one of those tired romances.
I am currently relating to the lives of all those different characters and picking nuggets from each of the books.
1. One Republic -I Lived (most relatable line: with every broken bone I swear I lived ) 2. Philip Philips- gone gone gone (most relatable line: I’ll love you long after you’re gone) 3. Avicii- without you (most relatable line: I gotta learn how to love without you, I gotta carry my cross without you, stuck in the middle and I’m just about to, figure it out without you) 4. Bruno Mars-When I was your man (most relatable line: the whole of it)
Dimples Migraines and Aahs 