If anything, 2020 has given me the opportunity to have lots of self reflection. There are some habits that I identified and I have been trying to do away with. I know it is work in progress but sometimes I get vexed because I am not progressing fast enough. It has definitely not taken me 21 days as promised. At times it feels like I take one step forward and two back. I try being patient in the process because if I had it all figured out then what would be the point of life?
We all know we should not compare ourselves but we often do it. You look at your life and acknowledge you are doing better or could be doing better. It gets to a point that someone else’s good news is good for them but it would have been nice if it were you. Bishop used to say that if your neighbour is receiving blessings, prepare your basket because you are next; the Lord is in your vicinity. This has helped me often genuinely celebrate my friends successes and this year especially they have been plenty. It is better when your circle succeeds because birds of a feather…
Being more self aware, I can call myself out when I exude behaviour that is contrary to what I am cultivating. Much as at times I am frustrated when I just can’t stop altogether; the little voice assures me that noticing the problem in and of itself is progress. When one knows they are on the wrong and it gets pointed out the person is not on the same path as another who cannot identify the wrong in the situation.
Part of this journey has also been being my own person who is accountable for what I say and do. The sweeping statements that we make personalising general situations is us manifesting those situations. You know how everybody alludes to Nairobi being one big bedroom, men being trash, 2020 being the worst year and all other phrases that have become socially acceptable, do not say it if you have not experienced it. If 2020 was the much needed break that worked in your favour, own it! If you had a relationship that was more towards character development than whatever you aspired, it does not make men trash. If all Nairobi is for you is twitter banter that takes up your time scrolling through KOT comments that is what you should say.
For the longest time, the conditioning that took place was that you had to side with other people and own whatever they were experiencing as your own for you to be identified as one of them or just for your peace of mind. I remember in school we had lots of such sweeping statements: For starters we all had to admit not to be prepared for exams or not to have read over the holidays even when tuition was forced on you during the 4 weeks.
I miss out on so many things in life because I always want to make the right choice. Even Dettol only gets 99% but I am the high achiever. By the time I have exhausted the pros and cons, judged myself on behalf of everyone else, I definitely do not take the leap. I want to learn that it is not about getting it right all the time, most of the time, but going for … ( Haven’t filled the blanks yet) still thinking of the right word.
I perfect my ability to make the right choices by gambling on this unpredictable Nairobi weather. After looking at the clouds and the weather forecast, I decide my attire for the day. There are days after choosing to dress warm, the sun bakes me proper and I tell myself I shouldn’t have dressed warm. Other days it is quite the contrary and I freeze myself to death; there is nothing like freeze and shine. You would think I would have already learnt that things do not go according to plan and that signs are not 100% accurate but I haven’t. Dressing in layers that I could build up or remove an item depending on how the weather changes is a pretty sound option. I am learning to always look out for the third option; be like that flower that stubbornly grows despite the hindrances and blooms.
Dimples Migraines and Aahs 