Sunshine all the time makes a desert. For when you don’t feel like making lemonades from the lemon life hands you. Let’s slice them up, take a shot and lick the salt.
He’s no longer the first to double tap and notice that she’s updated her profile
She should be relieved, this is what she wanted. Loving him was red.
He made it a habit, she got used to the random calls, the long texts, knowing that there was someone waiting..
As much as she was complaining, she managed to make everything about him even when the question was rhetorical
Should I tell her?
He’s obviously met someone how else could he move on
I know it was his eyes, how they pierce into your soul. He has a way of looking at you not in a manner to undress but he sees beyond the cloth
Maybe it was his hands, he touched her bare shoulder assisting the conductor in collecting bus fare and the delicate fingers caused a sudden rush down her spine
Yes… That too. Not cologne neither is it the cheap scents. I haven’t been able to place it but once in a while I get a familiar whiff. The intensity is mild as if my nose is fighting to unearth it. When I least expect I get a trail and it takes me back to that moment when he first held me and every other time he did.
It can’t be his voice.. he never talked much at least not with his mouth. It was always the eyes, the touch, the scent that communicated.
I dare not think it. No! I never had enough of him. I always drowned in him. I could taste his scent and the more I did the deeper my tongue went and his gentle touch, those eyes.. my lips would be sore for days and I loved it because they tasted of him.
I know him but I don’t know him well. He’s tall, well taller than me.
Should I tell her?
She won’t believe me. She’ll think I’m creepy or that I’m not over him.
Should I tell her?
He is good looking, he’s low maintenance. He is a catch.
Should I tell her?
He’ll not show up when she needs him. He’ll ask her for money. He’ll take the jumper that he offered her once they get to the bus stop and leave her shivering. He’d rather lose her to pneumonia than lose the jumper he bought for a price way lower than her standards.
Should I tell her?
He’ll never plan a date. She’ll always go over to his place and he won’t even have any food to offer.
Should I tell her?
He’ll think she is uptight. He’d rather leave her in his house as he goes to catch up with his boys yet he said she should come.
Should I tell her?
She will leave him even though her flesh is weak.
When she sees that piercing gaze despite the mask, shivers will run down her spine. Her nose will twich when it gets that scent, her tongue will want to dig deeper but her feet will walk away.
Here’s a piece that launched my writing on 21st November 2018. There was a call for submission for a piece on mental health and the chosen articles would be on the 2019 July issue of Sed Africa. Sed Africa is an online magazine for students and by students. In the email, the line that caught my eye was ‘ If you are still trying to figure out exactly what you’re capable of, why not start here?‘ I headed to the library, opened Microsoft word and stared at a blank page. I’m not sure how long it took me to write but I sent my submission clearly stating that i’m not a writer but I have an assemble of words.
Fast forward to 10th February and I receive an email Sed Africa 7 with a link to access the Issue. Voila! I spot my first tag line and now you get to read it as well. Here’s a link to Sed Africa for an enlightening indulgence https://sedcontra.com.ar/sed-africa/
Did you ever imagine yourself being where you are currently? Holding positions you currently do? Living the life you currently afford? Good or bad.
Well, for some it might have been rather obvious; this is your dream career coming to light, everything turning out how you expected whereas, others marvel at what the journey of life has been… Making friends out of strangers and quite often the dear friends till death do us part becoming strangers.
I never had a plan joining University, but I did hope that it would be the best years of my life. I anticipated making new friends who would last a lifetime, keeping tabs on my old friends and remaining as close as we were. The greatest hope of all that makes me laugh my heart out is the dream fairy-tale I waited to unfold.
Nothing ever prepares you for the reality of life. Not the myriad bible verses you memorised as a child, nor the lessons learnt from other peoples ‘mistakes’. When the time comes, you make a choice from the cards you are dealt with. Most of the time they aren’t the cards you would have hoped for but either way you have to make a move, and everyone is watching, stakes are high. These are the moments that shape you.
Much is said about positivity, happiness, well-being, mental health, self-awareness, peace the list goes on. I will sum it all in three letters YOU. Circumstances coming our way that we did not envision is inevitable. There is no perfect ending, perfect life BUT you can still have your fairy-tale. Disclaimer: It would not end like the ones you’ve heard before because the characters and the director are different. You are the lead role; the sole director and as always portrayed in films, the star overcomes pretty much everything.
I am glad to have realised early in life that I have control over my mental health, self-value and everything else within my reach. In these four years I would probably have made different choices, had totally different outcomes, some I wish I could. Nevertheless, I do not regret. In your journey of life, You are the author of your book, the composer of your song, the judge of your case, your own architect… Never be put on anyone’s weighing scale. They do not have your cards, know your song, the facts of your case or the structure of your plan.
Ps: This is not advice for I am barely old enough to give some. Take it as you will; with a pinch of salt, herbal- I would suggest- for your health’s sake.
Think of anything, a product or a service. In this instance, we will take books. By virtue that you are reading this, I will undertake that you are one prone to consume literary works. So for instance, you are in need of a book and you already have a title in mind . You could either: Go to a bookstore, get a soft copy online, thrift a second hand copy or borrow from a friend who owns a copy. One in 5 people would go to a book store,two among five people would not mind a soft copy. I am sure we can do the math for the remaining scenarios as obviously one in five would thrift and at least one in 5 would borrow from a friend. These choices made by the different people are inspired by several factors. Each considers the cost, the convenience,the forgone alternative and the urgency.
If I really need to get my hands on a book, the book store would be my first option. Unfortunately, it might be that time of the month my finances do not allow or generally I have other accumulated needs that rank higher in priority. Then, I would consider thrifting but as this heavily relies on luck, I may have to settle on a soft copy. The possibility of finding a friend with the book I want who is willing to lend and we actually meet for the exchange to take place is as rare as public holidays falling on a Monday or Friday.
Last month, experience had the privilege of teaching me how cheap is indeed expensive. I was so hungry at about midday after running errands in town. I had two options; either rush home and fix a quick meal that would go all the way to supper or find an affordable meal that will drown the pangs of hunger. Imagine if I faint on my way to the bus stop to get a matatu! Nitaambia nini watu? With this thought, I convinced myself to find a place to eat before the little energy I had in me lapsed.
I was drawn to this 200 shillings deal that had me served a packet of fries, one piece of chicken and 300ml soda. One bite… maybe it’s my taste buds second bite…. eeeww third bite I should have thought twice with such good a deal. The difference between 200 shillings and the 350 shillings for a proper serving of fries and two pieces of chicken is huge!!! That 150 shillings in between caters for the doubt in each bite as to what exactly you are tasting.
Traveling over the ‘long weekend’ is normally a hustle at Mololine. You are met with a queue and issuing tickets with no vehicles at sight. As usual, the fare has gone up by a hundred shillings or two. This is how I found myself at a random stage in town that had a matatu with a board on it written Nakuru Direct for 200 shillings less than what Mololine was charging. I took my seat and paid some guy who was issuing receipts at the door. Within no time the matatu was filled and off we went.
You know that smirk you have when you’ve got yourself a deal. I felt that I had not only saved time but money as well. I patted myself on the back. Little did I know the trouble that was in store for me. Of course the music was an ear sore but this was not dire as it could be remedied by plugging in earphones. However, I do not understand why people are never willing to open windows even slightly for air circulation. Yes… it was, raining and cold outside but with all windows tightly closed tsk tsk .
The weather was quite a mess. Foggy… which did not stop the driver from speeding and zigzaging on a rather straight road. The matatu I boarded had about 2 babies carried in each row of four seats. Beside me, a woman was sweating, quietly staring at the closed window. From the terrible driving to the suffocation, either could easily kill one before destination. I am normally car sick and these conditions were mercilessly constricting life out of my body. Fortunately for everyone in that matatu, I had pre-medicated for my nausea. I had actually taken the original drug and not the generic ones I usually pick for 10 shillings less because those ones would for sure not have been effective in this environment.
Being a long holiday, everyone was on the road and slow traffic was inevitable. We had approximately 1 hr of a standstill until our driver maneuvered his way out. Relieved that he knew of an alternative route, we remained calm. We later realized no other vehicle was using our route; I mean how novel could this route be? Upon inquiry, the driver declared that he had no intention of being stuck in traffic for a day and therefore had decided to take us back to Nairobi.
What madness is this!!! I literally laughed amidst the angry passengers howlings . At this rate nothing about this matatu could shock me anymore. As much as I really needed to get to my destination, I resigned to fate because all this was my doing in the name of saving 200 shillings! There and then the Mololine matatu that I should have boarded passed us and I thought, that could have been me but now I have a psycho on the wheels and beautiful pine breeze within the matatus tightly shut windows.
The passengers threatened, pleaded,and cajoled the driver till he decided to turn the vehicle around and head to the intended destination. In between, he had 3 more moments of indecision where he kept turning back. Never again!!!! I got to my destination 6 hrs later a route that takes me 2 and a half hours but with the traffic it might have taken me 3 and a half or four hours but 6 hrs just to save 200ksh!!!
Currently, I am seated on a Mololine matatu with plenty circulation of air, good music playing on the radio and I repeat no baby on board!! Even though I forgot to take my motion sickness medication, I am pretty comfortable breathing in sweet fresh air while enjoying the scenic views I missed on my way earlier and now I can take a break writing.
Its not yet Halloween but the biggest prank thrown at me is the reality of life. You struggle and once you get the hang of it poof!! Everything disappears and you have to start re building.
It would be fun they said… I want to be a grown up I once wished but I never knew how much my parents were shielding me from. Growing up has always been ask and it shall be given unto you. Ice cream in the fridge, chocolates, books, weekend outings, clothes but as an adult its more of seek but thou shan’t find.
Our lecturers did try prepare us for the reality that would hit us after graduation. We were counselled to lower our salary expectations but no one commented on the pressure that is work and the survival skills needed in the work environment. I have actually skipped a stage; The nightmare that is job hunting!
You wake up, send a couple of emails and each is accompanied by a different cover letter selling yourself as per the requirements of the position you are applying for. You even go ahead and take an online course on Cover Letter writing and the general conduct of interviews because you have to stand out among your peers who are also applying for the same jobs.
Then comes the paranoia of refreshing your mail box at set times during the day hoping for a response. If you are lucky enough, 2 jobs call you for an interview and the research begins. You have to prep for an aptitude test just in case, you look up the right answers concerning who you are, your weaknesses and justify each input in your C.V. After all this, one of the two jobs writes back offering you a position with the most bizarre terms and you’ll take it because beggars can’t be choosers.
You’ll start on your new job thrilled, thanking the heavens, updating your social media and sharing posts on office life before you know it…
Well its not all bad. You’ll make new friends or so you think until the moment of truth comes and their actions will be loud. Just when you begin making adjustments to accommodate and foster good working relations, the boss informs you that he needs to restructure the Office and make changes that may or may not affect you. Aaah here you were picturing yourself lucky and perhaps like your Parents already seeing yourself working there for the next 20 years and going up the ladder because you could not imagine going back to the nightmare.
The pied piper has stopped playing the tune and there’s nothing to dance to. Out in the cold, the rains beating hard you can’t even afford to catch a cold because the dawa from Java has now become a luxury. Here is when friends are calling for those random plots and others want to establish monthly traditions that involve money.
From this short lived experience, you come to acknowledge that Success is not owned, It is rented and rent is due everyday. This mindset will enable you soar to greater heights that even a door closing would not be detrimental to you as you would have accomplished much and have much left to keep you busy. In this same vein, you resolve to have detailed plans that are written down. Intending to make the plans Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely. Who knew the talks by Pepe Minambo would ring a bell later in life.
With 2 months to end the year, you know better than when you started. I can’t help but smile as it is Fun and Laughter over Everything. Someday if not today you will laugh about this experience.
Today I wanted a piercing. It would help channel my pain elsewhere for the 6 months while it healed. Today I wanted to eat gourmet food to celebrate your life and love for finer things in life. Today I wanted a slice of Chocolate fudge cake because a memory of a birthday we celebrated came to mind. Today I wanted to have your friends over; our mutual friends and just remember you.
All I did today was breathe, hold the tears before they fell on my cheeks and write because I needed an outlet. I will never really mourn you enough, I’ll never get to terms with your death.
I finally get to start the blog and with this, I will get to experience your world of IT just as much as I have embraced football. I do have some traits that were very much your tendency. Your clothes no longer smell like you but they fit me perfectly. Your presence is everywhere and nowhere in particular. I miss you.
Dimples Migraines and Aahs 