Category: Dimples

chacun voit midi a sa porte – French saying meaning everybody has their own way of looking at things. Guaranteed these posts will put a smile on your face and enhance that dimple.

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Can we skip to the good part

Sourced from pinterest

I know better days are yet to come and that the Lord always has good plans for us; plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a bright future. I hear that there is power in manifesting and we have to dream big. That our efforts today are to pay off in some near future where things will be better. That we know things are better when we can afford the lifestyle of not having to work to make a living and being in control of our time which we will spend sipping a cold drink at the beach and showing up for random plans with friends in far off destinations, look cute and post lots of photos for the gram.

I want to be. I want to wallow in the present. I want to exist here and now where things are not yet figured out. I want to enjoy what I currently have but I constantly find myself making 3 year goals, seeing the future. My agemates have already started the next phase of life which is settling down with a partner and or having a child. I am already pressured to think what next in my career, where else in my destination, who else in my dating cycle.

Glennon Doyle writes in untamed that when you sink in deep within yourself you know. She advices that instead of looking up answers by asking what another in your position would do, feel what your body is telling you. She says look within and I realize I have been on the right path getting in touch with my feelings and staying. The holy book teaches be still and know. It is through staying in the hurt, staying in the indecision, staying in the unknown until you know.

Sourced from pinterest

I did not know before that woman told me that all feelings were for feeling. I did not know that I was supposed to feel everything. I thought I was supposed to feel happy. I thought that happy was for feeling and that pain was for fixing and numbing and deflecting and hiding and ignoring. I thought that when life got hard it was because I had gone wrong somewhere. I thought that pain was weakness and that I was supposed to suck it up.

This year I have accepted that I wear my feelings on my sleeve. When I am bored it shows on my face. I hate it when people point out that I look disinterested or when I have any other face on other than a smile. I would channel all my face muscles and contort them to at the very least form Monalisa’s half smile. It was my duty to show only happiness so that others around me get comfortable enough not to feel tasked with cheering me up. Truth is I do not want to be cheered up, I wanted to wallow in my saddness because that too is a feeling.

I do not want to skip anything. The excruciating pain of losing beautiful things: trust, dreams, health, animals, plants, relationships, people. I do not want to skip the mundane and constantly piecing together till things form shape.

Let us not skip to the good part.

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Concerts

They remind me of youth. They keep you in the present. All that matters for the night is that you have a good view, you are intoxicated enough to enjoy the performances and still have the use of your faculties. You need to go to the bathroom early enough to withstand the queue before your bladder gives in. Also going in early so that you get your ticket verified and the armband sans another long queue.

I had really missed it, the crowd energy, the chanting, the shouting at the top of your voice, engaging your memory by reciting the lyrics back. Concerts should be recommended by therapists as part of the healing process. There you will get to see that it is just the little things that keep you grateful. Not having your feet stepped on, not having people use where you are standing like a footpath, and constantly excusing people. Being surrounded by females and respectful males who do not grope you. Being there because that is the way you intend to spend your evening.

I like the effort everyone puts in. A lot of planning goes into it. Right from when they announce the Artist who is headlining, settling for the venue, and the local artists whose presence would convince more people to buy the ticket. For the outfit, one considers its breathability because the crowd will increase the temperature by a hot degree and the same outfit also has to withstand the cold when you leave the warmth of the crowd. It is not enough for the list of the performing artists to be displayed, one has to continuously check on them and if they are rehearsing for the big day as much as you are and more so their health. It is such a bummer when an artist comes down with a disease days before or on the day of the performance. We do wish them a quick recovery but also prevention would have been better than cure.

Going to a concert alone is unheard of and mostly because we as humans are social beings and the idea of having good company around is encouraged. This concert was not appealing to my group of friends and constantly getting No as the response when I asked if they would be interested weighed me down. It made me wonder, where did I go wrong with my list of friends? When did everyone grow up and stop considering concerts as fun? When did money to buy an event ticket stop being one of the things we would save for?

I am glad I decided to take a leap of faith and buy the ticket anyway. I am glad that instead of sitting down deep with regret going through people’s posts about the concert, I am taking a much-deserved rest from all the dancing, all the shouting, standing and singing. You will find me in concerts, you will find me singing along, you will find me having the time of my life when the clock stops, and all that matters is the performance. Concerts are where you will find me.

When in doubt, go to that concert.

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Bungee

In 2018 I came up with a bucket list and Bungee Jumping was one of the items in it. That Year I went ahead to do lots of items on the list. I tried Paint balling, GP Karting, and as I went through my list I realized I do much more and I came across things that were not on the list and did them anyway. The most daring thing back then was when my 2 friends and I attended the ASK(Agricultural Society of Kenya) Show and approached a stand that was not attracting as many people as it should. I cannot remember who suggested it but we found ourselves on the stage dancing to attract people. Dancing is not our forte but we did it anyway. As the crowd was coming in slowly, the emcee picked up the cue and asked the crowd who the best entertainer was. He started having dance battles from the crowd and awarding the winners with samples of their products. I remember getting hair food but most of all its the memory that I will treasure forever and I am sure my dance mates do.

As I worked through my list, I really wanted to get bungee jumping ticked off before the adrenaline rush waned. I saw a travel group that had planned to do bungee jumping later in the year. I quickly paid for reservation much as it would later conflict with the 1st hiking my classmates had planned. I convinced myself that bungee jumping was a worthy trade off and made peace with it. On the day we were to set off bunging, the organizer went kaput; completely out of radar. zero communication, phone calls not going through and I knew I was conned.

Lucky enough, the organizer also went to my University and I would see him laughing with his classmates wondering whether they know what a con he is. I followed him on Instagram and watched him go to all the nice places blowing off our hard earned cash. I shared the story with a couple of my friends and even pointed him out to them. They encouraged me to walk up to him and demand my money back because he clearly had a reputation to maintain around his peers and that is exactly what I did. I walked up to him, introduced myself and demanded my money. Right there and then he counted the six thousand shillings I had paid and gave it back. This was a whole one year later.

In 2020 I tried yet again with an unknown travel company. You must be wondering hadn’t I learnt my lesson. The thing is, I thought this was the most convenient way because I did not know how to get to Sagana and whether I could book to bungee alone; rather this is what I told myself. This time, the travel company had organized an overnight hotel booking so that after the activities we retire to a comfortable place. The difference was that we pay 3000Ksh for bed and breakfast but you only pay for the activities you engage in while we are there. I thought the deal was a steal because the picture of the hotel was serene and much as my gut told me that could not be in Kenya I decided to give benefit of doubt.

The activities listed on their Instagram advertisement included waterfall challenge, kayaking, bungee jumping, cycling, white water rafting among others. I was ready to break the bank holding my priced 40 bob coins because again this was a worthy cause. We get to Sagana, we stop at rapids camp but only two of us in the group were willing to part with more money and engage in the activities. the organizer said we cannot break the group because it will be difficult to manage and thus we were driven to the hotel where we were to spend the night and told that we could swim. I was already raging mad because nothing in this trip had gone according to plan. we were to leave Nairobi at 6am but we ended up leaving at 10am because people could not keep time and majority if not all of them were friends, my friend and I being the outsiders. The hotel of course looked nothing like the picture and now on top of that no Bungee Jumping. At least this time I actually got to Sagana but never to the Spot where Bungee Jumping was being done.

Third time must really be a charm. In July 2021, one of my friend’s friend that I follow on Instagram went Bungee Jumping for her birthday. It was also about that time that she decided to start her own travel and tours company. The minute she posted that she will be taking people for bungee jumping, I knew I was in. I immediately made payments and patiently waited for the day. This time things went smoothly and we got to our destination. We were 7 in number and a couple had arrived ahead of us so we were told to let them go first.

Julius the instructor was the icing on the cake. He read out instructions and informed us that each person has 5 minutes while up there. Once the gates are open, you have a minute to do the jump. If courage has not kicked in and you fail to take your leap of faith, you will be escorted down the stairs. He went ahead to say that he is not professionally trained but he has watched a couple of you tube videos thus he is good to go. While up there he holds a conversation with you. He asks you your name and what you do and if you would be comfortable that being your last conversation in case something goes wrong. I asked him have you done this before and he said I’m not crazy enough to jump from a 60m tower with feeble ropes attached to me. I assist the crazy people do it as I perfect my youtube earned skills.

My heart was thumping and I asked myself what in the world got me there. The view was spectacular and I wished I could just stand and watch but this was not an option at least not for long. Everyone else had already done their stunt and I was the last person up. I heard all the narration of their experiences but that did not prepare me. The girl in the couple was first and she freaked out. Her time lapsed and true to his word Julius had her esorted down. After seeing people do it, she became resilient and paid to have a second chance. I was proud of her because I knew she would feel bad if she never gets to do it.

While up there my trust issues resurfaced. I douted that Julius had properly tied the ropes that were to hold me. He fastened, I confirmed. I took the liberty of informing him how my parents just have 2 children and it would be prudent if I got back to them in one piece as they were not aware I was engaging in such a risky activity. My ‘friends’ down there started a countdown 10, 9, 8 and I knew I had to jump when they got to 1. Nothing prepared me for that moment. I was not ready when I made the jump but I did it anyway. I normally turn to yoga to empty my thoughts but bungee jumping does that too. The free fall was alarming, I screamt my lungs out. Then suddenly the rope remembers its function and holds you suspended; before you recover there is a recoil and you go back up. There is a time you even stand on air and you know this is it. I had several twists and turns and even forgot that I was to have my hands together after making the jump.

As you wait for the tow kayak to bring the rope that will be used to safely move you to the shore, you realize that Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the feeling that something else is more important than fear. People just do things scared but they do it anyway.

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Falling…

I always thought it would be fast

I’d see you and my heart would just increase its beats per second.

I’d have butterflies all over, goosebumps I mean.

I thought you would take my breath away, you’d be running on my mind all day and I wouldn’t be able to think, sleep, eat, obsession is the word

I must not have fallen

It’s been quite steady, rational.

I think, I eat, I sleep, I don’t obsess over you (at least not yet)

Love you, I know I do.

It wasn’t how you look.

Mostly how you made me feel.

I was this new subject that you wanted to learn and pass the exam.

You would stop me in my tracks and ask questions.

You would follow me after class sessions and seek clarification.

You would tackle questions and bring them to me to asses your mastery of the subject.

It is the dedication you put that made me take a step back and realize I had always been looking forward to class sessions.

Because of you, I taught passionately, I knew you were keen.

I silently hoped and even prayed that you would find time to do the questions and bring my way to asses.

It was slow, subtle, but the effect was tremendous

Just the other day we barely knew of each other’s existence. Today we are inseparable. Constant phone calls, lots of take cares at the end of each quarter of the day as if we had not been doing that all along with no one to remind us. It has become unbearable to stay without being in each other’s presence for more than 3 days.

The honeymoon stage is over, just as predicted.

I’m wondering whether this, us, is too good to be true.

I want to break it, us before it breaks me.

I searched for reasons that would be the deal breaker; perhaps you snore and it might be loud and I’ll never get to sleep soundly again.

Is it that you drink too much, and reek of it.

You miss dates because you couldn’t wake up on time.

You promise what you do not deliver because your words don’t count.

Maybe money will be our problem, you make little and spend too much.

The mundane.. you worry too much, call too often, always thinking of the next thing we will do together and how much I would love whatever you have set yourself to spend on for me.

You have to call it off.. don’t you see.

I make it harder for you on a daily, harder to reach, harder to read, harder for you to tell whether I am done with you or you should bid more time.

The thing is, I fear…

I fear being the one on the other end, constantly calling, always spending time with you, losing my independence,

falling…

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Grown up dreams

Grown ups dream too. Why do we limit wishful thinking to kids? An adult is rarely asked what do you want to be? I know they do ask in interviews where you see yourself in five years but this is more to see whether you are aligned to the company’s vision. Do not mistake this for an invitation to build castles in the air. The answers expected are more towards career progression, the value addition to both the company and yourself so that you can be considered an asset they would be desirous to acquire and fully exploit for those 5 years as your unspoken true goals continually take a back seat.

Would anyone willingly work if they had an alternative means of survival? Yes but I bet it would be in a much relaxed setup either in terms of time given or the days they report to work. In Nairobi most people work to earn enough for taxes and rent. The other basic needs i.e food and clothing are luxuries. Tala and debts at mama mboga are how people go by.

The middle class form of relaxing is watching influencers show them parts of their town they cannot access. Back in the day, people used to pay each other a visit during the weekends and that sufficed as good as a vacation at Bora bora. ( Check out Dave mani’s Youtube channel and instagram handle) It took a Canadian moving to Kenya to give us proper access to the insides of Villa Rosa a place majority of Nairobians have passed by severally.

It is becoming more difficult to do those home visits. Most families are already struggling and it would be inconsiderate to add them another mouth to feed. Moreover, do you have the package? In Kenya, the unwritten rule when visiting people’s homes is to carry the essential shopping consisting of sugar, tea leaves, milk and bread ( wheat flour and rice) if you can afford. When you do the math, one would rather reach for their phone and top up 100ksh credit and hopefully you get a storo bonus while at it to catch up with the people you cannot afford to visit.

The other day amidst all the studying I asked myself, why am I really working hard? to get a good job was the answer.

Then what next? so I can afford all the things I like in life and never worry about finances.

Is there another way to achieve the things you like in life?

Yeah, if only I was a fitness model. I would finally go to the gym because my job depends on it. Then I ( insert my photographer) would take lots of cute pictures for the gram because miraculously I would become photogenic and he/she would know the right filters to use. My followers would rapidly increase then I would become a brand influencer and get all those high end athleisure products I am working hard to get a well paying job so that I can afford. The icing on the cake would be all the unhealthy foods I would be able to eat without any evidence left on my body.

what next?

I would diversify my brand, get on any business that deals with the human body. I would get luxury perfumes, watches, body butter, face masks, spa treatments, jewellery, wigs , celebrity influencer status and meetings on the right table. I would pose nude for an artist somewhere and get the image sculpted and replicated all over the world as dummies for the athleisure products I advertise. Maybe then I would freely walk in the high fashion impractical clothing because I will be living in the right cities where I would not be worried about being groped or assaulted and with the whole team working behind me, I would be safe from predators at all times.

The best part about it, I would be free to explore all the other things I like. I would read more books, I would take courses just for the sake and not because my future depends on it, I would travel, I would learn about different cultures and cuisines, I would do all activities under the sun; paragliding, skiing, surfing you name it. I would afford to live in different cities every so often and I would rent and own apartments with the best views and amenities.

I would start a foundation that enables people do what they love with the guarantee that you have a place to stay and the more things you try the higher your allowance and once you find what you are good at, you perfect it and teach others and learn more. The foundation would have apartments in different cities, an establishment like Qwetu but for the fun and spirited people.

Because we are in the middle of a pandemic and my dream is taking effect in this context, I would just pull a Dave Mani on y’all. I would take staycations in the lovely hotels that are now operating on reduced rates to keep their lights on. I would go to the desert in Malindi, Hike Mt Kenya, take a balloon ride across the Mara, swim in Ngare Ndare as I await the dolphins to come sometime in September.

Nice, so what is holding you back?

The thing about me is that I dream. This is just one of them. The one that isn’t too big to scare you into thinking my senses have taken leave of me. Dreaming is really a part of me and dream big I will.

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The Office

The office is apparently the most streamed series in America in 2020. I have watched enough episodes to bring the concept home. Much of 2020 was adjusting to working from home and working in shifts but currently some work spaces have resumed working from the office. As in every other situation, there were pros and cons. The biggest pro for most was eliminating the commute. Have you walked in this hot sun? It’s worse when you are dressed in a full suit your bag heavy with packed lunch as you try to maneuver the busy streets getting knocked on your shoulder every so often.

Cutting costs on lunch money was also a major pro of working from home. Actually eating at your convenience was more of it not to mention dressing as you pleased. This luxury was more expensive than anyone could have anticipated. Work became round the clock as opposed to the neat 8 – 5. It is no brainer getting that work call at 10pm heck some bosses even send that email at midnight. Here is the reality check that you are no Cinderella, more of Snow White’s seven dwarfs.

After the niceties, oh you have changed! What happened to your hair and all other changes that could not be detected over zoom calls the office gets back to work. HR of course reminds you to sanitize, no sharing of pens and paper, social distancing and minimizing the number of people in a meeting or taking up bigger room. The office experience does not start when you get on the lift to your floor, it starts when Nani picks you up.

There is a lot to say on lunch hours at the office. Some organize lunch that is paid for, others just contract a standard supplier but each employee pays as they eat but the one that sets people apart is those that leave you to fend for yourself. You could carry packed lunch like your pre school days or find a decent place to eat; emphasis on decent. I am wondering whether to get to the different employees you meet at this stage… I shall restrain myself for a few paragraphs.

Lunch time at the office gives me anxiety. I remember the packed lunch I forgot at home on the table and how I have to think of plan B. It’s not only the change of food that I mind, the fact that I had the meal planned and I knew the taste to expect come lunch. We have great food vendors but their prices are over the roof for an intern. I was shook once when I got basic chapo beans at 250!!! This is the holy grail to rate establishment just like tea. Once the price of a cup is over 200 do not bother looking at anything else on the menu if you are on a budget.

My chain of thought was finally flowing on some work I had taken over 2 days with and I did not want to interrupt that with a meal so I looked at my delivery options. I remembered a place we had visited whose fries were 100ksh and they had informed us they do office delivery at no extra cost. Meanwhile the 250 chapo beans still need 20ksh delivery. Being on a budget I made the call.. I kept waiting for my delivery till I assumed they got lost in their way because they had admitted they were not familiar with my location much as they have been serving people around my area since time immemorial.

Finally at 3.30 I get a call that the lady is at the reception. As I walked on the hallway, something told me to use the 4th Floor stairs and peep before presenting myself as the intended recipient of the food but my affirmations side kicked and assured me confidence. I walk out and see the lady carrying a ‘paperbag’. The receptionists with a sneer in her voice remarks ” kumbe ni wewe, nilikua namuambia hakuna mtu hula chakula kama hiyo hapa kwetu ” So rude don’t you think but weeeuh, I was the one in for a shock.

The lady informs me that she needs the bag back.. I look at the contents, it is nothing I imagined!! Butwaa beat me 😆. There I was expecting my food in this transparent tins and next to it two packs of the 5ksh tomato sauce but instead, my eyes were met with a greasy brown bag, heaven knows how clean that bag is as it has been ferrying every other order around and the transparent nylon papers filled with the Jerry can sauce and tied like a ball. Hehe.. I felt like paying for the meal but refusing to walk around with it.

She’s over reacting you think.. huh well, I have not painted the picture of what office lunch my colleagues partake. It’s either pasta and fillet, stir fried rice and Mongolian beef, the aroma just tells you the cook was not trying to make a meal but is one who aims to please. Did I mention they are in glass tins so that they are conducive for micro waving you know, cancer and all, then picture me arriving with my greasy brown bag and toothpicks as forks. If someone brought me my bag I would have left for home and called it a day. In another world, there were employees receiving their greasy brown bags with joy.

“Angalau muache abebe na mfuko mpaka kitchen aweke fries kwa plate“; the receptionist said. The lady agrees and fast I walked. Thank God I could at least make it presentable while there if no one walks in on me. It was the distasteful appearance of my meal that made me instantly full. After 5 mouthfuls I just threw it in the bin. They sure lost me as a customer with no fault on their part; just a girl faking class before she makes it.

I write this recollection as I lounge on my coach supposedly working from home. I am giving myself the much deserved rest because when work comes, it will demand every ounce of my energy and I have had to learn that it is equally as important to schedule rest and not just take it when you have the time. I will also schedule time for love because the effort I put in my work is not transferred to my compatible other. We don’t want jack to be a dull boy do we? 😉

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You don’t know everything

After watching Queen’s Gambit, many were impressed by chess and Hammond’s prowess in mastering the game. Doing something exceptionally well that you love and earns you money is what got to me. I am nowhere close to earning money from pool but beating men in a game most think they are better players is part of the thrill like it was for Hammond.

There may be versions but I only know of one game. We arrange the balls on the triangle and then break the game. The player who shoots a ball in one of the 6 holes determines which of the two balls will be theirs. There are striped and spotted balls. You use a white ball to hit the rest and the black ball should be the last one in.

One afternoon, I walked to a pool table and I wanted to teach my mum the little I know so that I could play with her but instead, she asked a friend’s son to teach me how to play. I was quite offended, teach me! I know the game. I took it in stride as he explained and the deeper he went, the more I learnt that I did not know everything. What I hated most was that he thought he was doing me a favour playing girl like and going slow on me. I told him I prefer learning the hard way and he should bring his A game on. Every time he would fail to score a shot or miss the ball he would claim he was doing it purposely to give me an upper hand much as I had made it clear I did not need one.

Well, he was a better player than I was but nonetheless he wasn’t beyond reproach. He was like the janitor who taught Hammond how to play but eventually she learnt the ropes and became a better player leaving the janitor in awe. I have to give my teacher props for encouraging me along the way. He kept saying nice shot, you have 3 options even though I saw one. Do not worry so much about getting the ball in a particular hole, it does not have to get in the hole closest to it. Focus more on positioning the balls rather than having a direct shot in the holes. Watch the game closely to know when you have 2 chances but never inform the other player when you make a mistake that gives them two chances if they were not keen enough to notice.

On that table, I learnt that I need to work with the upper hand the world wants to give me instead of learning the hard way all the time. One gets more joy knowing they played fair and square and won than knowing you had an advantage that put you on the same level as the other experienced player and based on that new level ground you won. I guess this stems from the phrase hammered in our heads, started from the bottom now you here. We have become so obsessed to start from the bottom because that is the only way we know. If someone stretches out their hand for us we get defensive and put our guard up and ask who said I needed that. You obviously don’t but you also don’t need the struggle at the bottom to prove your way to the top. In 2021 may you become less defensive and recognize the helping hand. Take it, you both are on the same team that just wants to see you up and it is not bad to use a ladder instead of going round to find the stair case.

Later in the day, I had a chance to play a different player. He was quite reluctant wasting his precious time playing a learner. I encouraged him to take the cue stick. First, he didn’t know how to arrange the balls on the triangle. I had learnt a few minutes before and I was happy to show him. I got a striped ball in while opening and my luck ran with it. I had one ball left when he had 6 to go! I felt like calling my teacher who was nearby to see what a good student I was but I knew that would emasculate the guy I talked into playing. His friend asked me whether I was sure that was my first time playing pool because my grip on the cue stick looked mastered. I insisted it was though at the back of my mind I knew no one learns that fast.

My opponent caught up with me in the race for the black ball. That’s the thing with pool, you might have a head start but that never means it is a sure indication that you have won the race. Pretty much how life is as well. On my shot, I placed the black ball right at the mouth of the hole. I felt bad that it was my skill that positioned it well yet he would get all the glory of being the winner. The question will be who won A or B with no explanation as to how. It was such an impossible shot to miss but he did!! How life brings a plot twist every so often.. haha. I went in for the kill. Forceful enough to get the black ball in while being cautious that the white does not follow through.

This reminds me of a rule I disagreed with my teacher on. Getting the white ball in any of the holes is a foul that gives the opponent player two shots at the game. While we were both aiming for the black ball, he got both the black and white ball in. I argued that we could not crown him a winner because while at it he had broken a rule. He claimed that despite the foul, the winner is the one who gets the black ball in first; anyone who sees my point?

Much as my teacher did not admit, for a minute he pondered on my challenge and I was happy to have given him food for thought. Remember, You do not know everything, so be teachable. Also, notice when a helping hand is stretched your way and take it. Don’t kill yourself trying to start from the bottom.

Happy 2021!

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Bemused

Today I tell a story of a girl

Naive in an adorable way

You cannot fault her for not knowing

In fact you want to hold her close and shield her from the unknown so that she never gets to know

Not because you are monopolising knowledge but because the truth hurts and ignorance is bliss

She probably started with the wrong footing but it was beautifully wrong, adorable.

Remember not to fault her.

6 years ago when John Legend came into our homes, sang on our lips, I asked her what song would you dedicate to me? The answer was pretty obvious, at least to me but lo and behold she hit me with a song from that same year which wasn’t so much in our homes. This misstep was a blessing to me. She put me on such a pedestal because my answer by far surpassed hers and I relished teasing her about it.

She told me that She could show me love. Could!! Yet we were partners. She said that I could be her luck. Could!! Didn’t she feel lucky to have me? We never lasted long enough for her to show me love. She did lift me up, showed me what I wanted to see, and took me where I wanted to be… unloved.

In these 6 years, she was named someone’s African Queen. A tittle she did much deserve if only we replaced the Naivety. She very much played to his tune. Whine for him she did, shake for him she did and he encouraged her, number one in Africa as he asked her to let him love her. You know why she was naive? His first line was let me be your danfo driver.

When you ask her about it, she says that loving him was like trying to change your mind once you are already flying through the free fall. Losing him was blue like she had never known, missing him was dark grey all alone, forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.

She still does not know any better. Last I heard, all she was getting was sweet nothing. She put her faith in something unknown, trying to hope with nothing to hold. For her it is hard to learn, hard to love.

She asks me now ‘if the world was ending I’d come over right?’ She says that she knows, I know and we both know that we were not meant for each other and it is fine. She’s figured it out now, how to let one go and let communication die out. Thank you, next she means. I know, she knows and we know we were not down for forever and it’s fine. Turns out she was not naive when she dedicated Capital cities safe and sound all those years ago. She actually knew more than I did, she had independent thought as I followed trends. She spoke from her heart while I said what I thought people wanted to hear. When I look back, I never really gave her All of me as I had dedicated to her. Is this still her story or mine.

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The Bold Type

As children, we were groomed to look up to adulthood. Other than the normal question who do you want to be when you grow up, we played games depicting family life; ‘cha mama’ and marriage while skipping rope. You literally built your ideal man, planned your wedding, where you and your partner would reside, the number and gender of the kids you would have. In our naive minds, each of us had the best man who ticked all the boxes and we had good health, finances were never a problem we considered. We were each little princesses who deserved the very best and that’s what we got; happily ever after.

I’m not sure at what age we snap out of the fairy tale. It’s like we were all sleeping beauties and suddenly the curse is lifted and we can see the world for what it is. I’m lucky enough to still be in touch with my playmates and whenever we get together, we agree that as children we were cushioned. Some who selected Church weddings as kids have already settled on come we stay arrangements. The names we settled for in our ideal man when Alejandro and Hector were the standard have now materialized to Kevo and Brayo.

None of us knew that along the way one or two may die young, death was for the old and it was always by natural cause soundly in your sleep. We were to keep the straight and narrow path and be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. You should have heard our sweet melodious voices singing from the pulpit every Sunday ‘sauti za kutoa nyoka pangoni’. This statement frightened me. Every time we would sing I would look around JUST in case ( pun intended ).

All these memories came back to me when I watched the last episode of The bold type Sn 4. You know how the highlight of every romance movie is the wedding of your favorite actors, this was no different. They had gone through challenges in the 4 seasons which meant they had qualified for the criteria to get a happy ending. Isn’t this what all films have programmed in our minds. Either the family plotted against you, or you temporarily lost the ‘love of your life’ to the other woman only to be rejoined by fate.

In this case, the plot was novel. The guy was among the board members in the company the girl worked in so technically he was her boss. They had to work around the company’s dating policy and thanks to the fact that she was dating someone who had a say in decision making, it was fairly easy. I brought this series up because of the change of mindset we get from it. The couple plans their wedding and they tire from all the details encompassed in making it the best day of their lives. With 6 months to go, they had not settled on the floral arrangement, the church, guests, different opinions by the two families being brought together and their schedule was just insane. So while catching up over drinks after work they decide screw it we’ll just get married in this bar. We’ve had our best moments here.

Having made that big compromise, everything followed suit. The wedding was moved from 6 months away to that weekend. They picked an officiator from among their friends, one of their friends who is an official photographer offered to be their photographer as her gift to the couple. Pro tip: You should really invest in diverse friendships; build your circle. Now that I think of it, I have a couple of musician friends, a few friends who can bake, photographers are plenty, an upcoming make up artist… guys, I can have a wedding I just need the groom.

The bride decided to walk herself down the aisle. She said, she is not something to be given away. I can imagine how this would crush my African parents especially being the only girl. What actually happened was that the groom walked to meet her. This I would want after all isn’t it ‘always’ the guy who approaches the lady. Rather whoever made the first move should be the one to walk down the aisle. ( Unpopular 2 am thought)

For a heartbeat, I thought this wedding wasn’t going to take place. We have to rewind to the night before. I mentioned that the two met while working in the same place however, months after the engagement the groom moved to a different town to launch the business he’s always wanted to engage in and after the wedding, the agreement was that the bride would quit her assistant position and follow him there. Her wedding present from her immediate supervisor which was given to her hours before the wedding was a promotion to a position she had been eyeing for 5 years. This changes dynamics. The whole wedding was based on them living together in one city and there poof 💨.

She weighed her options; as much as she had found the love of her life, the fulfillment she’ll get from this job was unmatched, it was her passion. I normally hate it when you apply for a job and get no reply then all of a sudden after you have given up and even thought of focusing your energy elsewhere, you get multiple offers, each with different perks and the only reason you applied to so many is because none gave a timely response. It’s the same way when you choose to settle down with one person suddenly 5 other people that you had considered as potential decide to reciprocate your love for them that has now died down.

The bride being the bold type requested for the groom to be summoned before the wedding. She explained the situation to him and stated that whatever happens, her decision lies in taking up the job offer. Of course the groom was taken aback. How dare she! At this moment, when everyone is already seated. All their colleagues! He never got the chance to answer to build suspense.

With so many incidents being reported on social media of a love story turned sour, many of my friends and sometimes myself included have been questioning this whole idea of a happy ending. We have been victims of believing all that glitters and we’ve failed to see that it was not gold. Even with this, there is no assurance on the outcome of our stories but this does not mean that we do not make them.

This ring is the symbol of my love, my commitment and my promise to always dream bigger and be honest and take risks that make both of us proud. I vow to always listen, to ask what you want and what you need. With this ring and all that I am I marry you… (Groom’s vow)

You are my basket of bread sticks, you are my truth and without truth I am nothing. So I promise to be steady and strong and honest till death do us part. This ring is a token of my love and with it and all that I am, I marry you… ( Bride’s vow)

Aren’t those vows just beautiful. They are a depiction of what exactly is needed to make any relationship work; Honesty, communication and mutual understanding. I’ll take that anytime over the generic in sickness and in health. Anyway, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I urge you to be the bold type. Despite what will be portrayed, what you may have experienced that has changed your perspective, BE BOLD .

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Encounters

Image from Alliance Français art exhibition

Alliance Français is the plug in hosting events. Let me let you in on a secret. When you want to be part of a vibrant crowd, socially diversified, experience art at a cost almost equal to nothing this is the place!! The events range from music performances, extra ordinary art exhibitions, plays and movies. If you are in luck, You will recognize the performing artist, most times you will get to discover new artists from Kenya and different parts of the world. It gets even better, during some French culture themed events, they serve chilled wine and tartes. They may taste foreign to the uncultured palate but with frequent visits to Alliance it becomes an acquired taste.

Imaged from Alliance Français art exhibition

At some art event I was attending one evening, a gentleman approached my friend and I as we were feigning artisanship. Caught in the moment I introduced myself as an art collector and my friend stated that she was a writer. I do collect art, in my head. I remember the pieces I’ve seen that have left me in awe. I will collect art in future so I was only speaking it into existence. For now however, I just gaze at the admirable pieces and take my leave. ( most of the art pieces showcased at Alliance are for sale) We spent the evening sharing stories of our invented selves. It was amazing how naturally the stories flowed thanks to our innate reading culture and passively acquired knowledge.

Now that I think of it, I have had many firsts at Alliance. It is a miracle that all these people have never met me at the same time . I can imagine the confusion that will befall them. It would be worse than what the disciples underwent when they received the holy spirit and each was speaking in tongues different from the other. Note to self: to be more cautious and probably stick to one script.

Did I mention that we shouldn’t under estimate the power of social media. Hmm… on another Saturday, My friends and I were at Goethe institute. This is the German version of Alliance ( Lol ) but smaller with less frequent events. Yet another art exhibition but this time the art pieces were experienced on Virtual Reality. ( you see why I could pass for an art collector). Anyway, some guy approaches me and strikes a conversation. His angle is mundane topics but somehow the conversation hits off and we discover that we share mutual interests. After a few shared laughs, I’m pretty easy to convince. Naively, I tell him my real name, both names infact. You should have seen the shock on my face later in the evening when I got a friend request from him on Instagram. I had no intention of making anything out of our informal encounter.

Thursday evening, over the Christmas period, I was heading to visit my cousins in their village home from my grandmother’s place. I had always gone accompanied but this was my first time going alone. As I was trying to figure my way, Jemo who later identified himself approached me. I am normally adamant in telling people I meet for the first time my name and any information that the stranger asks. Jemo tried every trick in the book and later even suggested that I lie to him whatever name I pleased. The determination he had is unmatched.

Well, Jemo wasn’t my preferred type. You could get a whiff of alcohol from him and by his walking you could tell that he’d got Dutch courage. I later confessed that I was lost and despite his state, he called someone who knew the area better and they both accompanied me to my destination. We parted with a promise that I will tell him my name the next time we meet. In my head, this was never meant to happen hence my confidence in agreeing to it. I was leaving for Nairobi early morning the next day.

As fate would have it, my grandmother requested me to purchase a few items from the shop for her before I took my leave. You know who happened to be on that same intersection at the exact time, Jemo. He sees me and chuckles. I weigh my options; either go back home and find an excuse for my granmother or brace it.

Well, he doesn’t bite and I have curved better looking men before so a drunk village man won’t be a problem. I head towards him as I curse between my teeth. For some reason around Jemo I’m always the damsel in distress. This time round, I had misplaced money and I only realized when I stretched my hand out to greet him. Damn!! I had a hundred shillings a few minutes ago and I have no idea where it is, I tell Jemo of course in Swahili. I’ll help you look for it, he offers. We begin the search and Jemo finds it. He then insists to escort me to my destination and since I’m duly indebted, I have no recourse.

This social distancing has made me reminisce the moments I have shared with strangers. I happen to have many of such experiences. Some could actually befit a scene in a movie. When this COVID 19 pandemic is over, what I’ll miss are the hugs shared among friends, the double kiss and high -fives. It will take a while before we go back to this routine because of the social conditioning that would have taken place. For my missed stranger opportunities during this period, I hope I’ll have better encounters soon.

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