Dimples – Dimples Migraines and Aahs

June 30, 2025

Suh Different

On my birthday, so many friends kept referencing an amazing day. They either wished me to have one or hoped that I had one depending on the time the text came in. I kept wondering what does an amazing day look like and how would I know whether or not I have had one? Secondly, what does one do to have an amazing day? And does your day become amazing just because someone wishes or hopes that you have one?

Well, AI says an amazing day often involves a combination of things that cater to your physical, mental and emotional well being. These things are:

Rest and rejuvenation: Starting the day feeling refreshed and well rested
Purpose and accomplishment: Feeling like you have achieved something
Connection and social interaction: Spending time with loved ones
Joy and Pleasure: Engaging in activities that you truly enjoy
Physical well being: Spending time in nature, or simply feeling healthy and energetic
Learning and growth: Discovering something new, solving a problem or challenging yourself intellectually.
Mindfulness and Reflection which entails taking time to be present, appreciate surroundings or reflect on your day

It goes even further to suggest questions that will help in determining what an amazing day is for you.

How do you wake up? Do you ease into the day or jump right into activity?
Who do you want to spend time with if anyone? Is an amazing day solitary, social or a mix?
What kind of work or tasks would you find fulfilling, if any?
What brings you genuine joy and relaxation?
Where would you be indoors, outdoors, a specific place?
What kind of food or drink will be involved?
How would you wind down the day?

Our mode of birthdays celebration evolve depending on circumstances in life. The year 1 birthday is mostly to the satisfaction of the parents as they celebrate 12 months of trial and error. Birthdays in between age 1 and 5 are mostly to validate the child that they are loved and wanted by the parents. From ages 6 the child will know what they want and how they want their birthday to be celebrated. Then on one birthday you realize the decision on whether or not to celebrate a birthday is on you and how you go about it. Some will keep having a momentous occasion ensuring the presence of friends and family. Others make it only a family affair, and there are others who will let the day go by uncelebrated.

My birthday celebration this year was suh different. On my birthdays, I buy an outfit that I will wear on the day to make me feel good. I have celebrated most birthdays with company of either family or friends. An amazing birthday for me always involves good food, looking good and doing something new for the first time. What stood out this year was the feeling of not doing enough to celebrate the day. Having seen majority of the people celebrating around the time of my birthday take trips , I could not help but feel I have fallen short in my birthday celebration by not having travel plans. While I say this, I had actually travelled but a different kind of travel, a travel with a purpose. TMH (allow me to shorten to my husband because I’ll be referencing him a lot in my posts) my birthday was the best one yet and yes, on the large scale of things it really was but even then, I could not stop myself from feeling it was not the typical amazing day.

In this chapter of my life, I am learning that birthday celebrations can be suh different from one person to the next. Even my own perception of a good birthday varies days before the day, on the day and after the day. Work places are suh different, marriages are suh different, taste palettes are suh different ( a lesson had to be repeated for this to stick). So if anything I have learnt in my 27 years is that I need to learn my life lessons fast so that the universe does not repeat the class.

28 for me is suh different. I am loving different, understanding different, accommodating different, seeking different, and learning different.

🥂 Here is to being suh different.

February 10, 2025

Valentine’s

I have broken my annual beginning of the year post which is on books read in the previous year. I have two drafts on that which I thought I would publish in January but somehow I felt that I could do better in my writing. I have edited the posts severally and as January came to a close, I convinced myself better late than never and now that we are in February, I feel that posting travel in books in 2024 is a moment already gone. 2025 has started with a bang. I like that every time I come to the WordPress explore page I find a post from either My Black Glitter, Sassy Snippets with San San or Lwile the Leo. I am still waiting with baited breath for the day themythg and will grace our reading with her blog posts.

Valentine’s week in 2020 is one in the books for me. I was reading Something Blue by Emily Grifin and I remember smiling sheepishly that each time I looked up strangers who had not noticed the book thought I had received a cute message. I am now struggling to remember who I lent this book but please please do return. Valentine’s in 2018 was a moment of growth for a me and a foundation of friendship with the girls who stood by my side on my wedding. Having lost my brother on 1st February, they took me out for dinner and a memory of the day from snapchat has literally taken me back. To show my appreciation, I ensured each of them got a rose on valentine’s. Valentine’s in university or should I say Galentine’s was each spent watching Fifty Shades of Grey at the Cinema with my Maid of Honour.

2023 valentine’s is my best one yet. I got to go on my first date with my now Husband having randomly bumped into 3 of my possible suitors at various times during the day who casually dropped the what are you doing later in the evening without having made serious plans or any attempt were it not for the universe orchestrating our meetups. 2023 valentine’s would also be the only valentine’s I had celebrated romantically Once upon a time there was you. If I thought I was smiling sheepishly to Emily Grifin’s book, this memory has just put me in all my feels. I am feeling the butterflies I had then. I am remembering the conversation we had and time flying only to be interrupted by waiters bringing the next course. I remember both of us saying we should call it a night at 10.00pm because the next day was work and only because we would get carried away and converse deep into the night.

We had mutually agreed we would skip 2024 valentine’s way in advance. Unfortunately, we were mid fighting and communication between us was sparse. Nevertheless, I had dressed up for Valentine’s in a red pencil skirt, a black top and black heels and my nails were painted pink with multiple black hearts on each finger. Little did I know this would also be the set I would still have on come my engagement. I was pleasantly surprised when my husband (then boyfriend) sent me a text that he will be picking me up after work. He recreated our 1st valentine’s and from that moment to date, I forgot whatever we were fighting over.

2025 valentine’s…

I have been looking at various hotels and analyzing their valentine’s packages. On my list, 5 senses is currently the most expensive package with a 3 course dinner going for 30,000 per couple. A 6 course meal at Movenpick’s The View is following at 9,500 per person. Now more that ever I realize how over commercialized the day is. The prices of flowers and chocolates are about to reach an all time high but the prices wedding vendors quote for flowers is unmatched. Now being more financially conscious, I cannot be part of the givers of this get rich scheme all in the name of love; a receiver, I would not mind.

Nevertheless, I would like to have something that I can be gifted or gift whose price does not skyrocket in this one day and that holds a special place in my heart and signifies our love ( I am open to receiving suggestions). Meanwhile I am aware that everyone in the office will be closely watching, who gets flowers, what kind of flowers, whose bouquet is the biggest, whose flowers are the prettiest, who looks like they are being taken out for the night, who looks like they will be dining alone and for this reason, I am tempted to send a lady bird to whisper to my Husband’s ears where and which flowers He should get me but the thought that this will be orchestrated does not make it palatable. I do already know who will check all those boxes unrivaled, my colleague who has been receiving the most gorgeous arrangement of flowers all year round and all other previous years from her long term husband to whom gifting occurs naturally. A gift from the heart is always unrivaled.

Eager for Valentine’s is an understatement. I have unbridled joy. This year I do not want a table at a restaurant, people watching, looking at couples on their phones as they exchange a few words then each goes back to laughing at whatever a stranger who is self entertaining at home is posting on twitter. I do not want to feel pressured not to reach for my phone so that I am not that couple for someone else. I would have loved a vacation out of town but seeing how the best hotel rooms are also being overpriced, I will pass for another dull day later in the year when the hotel staff can fully attend to the fewer guests.

2025 valentine’s, I want to curate my best date yet, with all my best meals sourced from each of my favorite restaurants. I want to utilize the balcony on our 6th floor apartment watching Van Gogh’s inspiration, the starry night. I want fairy lights, I want candles, I want a good bottle of chilled white wine only because on other days I have red and because of the heat, I would prefer my wine chilled ( also taking recommendations for the bottle) or maybe I try port wine. I want to play the saxophone version of music I like. I want to talk, play games, dance, laugh and when I tire, fall soundly asleep because I am in no rush to get home fast or being distracted by all that is happening around me and forgetting to focus on us, our love.

and do you know what got me planning, excited, … he asked me to be his Valentine, apparently it is not so obvious.

August 30, 2024August 30, 2024

Five Years

I can finally relate to all the people who say time flies and it was just the other day when…

Its been 5 years of writing my thoughts, experiences, musings, book reviews

5 years of you reading and liking

5 years of growth, 5 years of ideas, 5 years of posts each month, 5 years of leaving pieces of me and still being whole.

5 years of sharpening my writing, my reading, my clarity of thought, my diction

5 years of us

Yesterday during my lunch break, I visited a scents shop and the lady told me how she got the business idea during covid. She had contracted covid and was in isolation for 10 days. In the duration she got to learn about candles and became obsessed. She loved the excitement of playing around with scents, creating something to be experienced and most importantly to convey messages when words have departed. This will be a trip down the lane for you but I will save you the trip by tagging the post of my similar idea which I had then and shared with the lady Purposeful gifting. She was kind enough to ask me to notify her when I actualize my dream and she encouraged me that there is enough room for everyone. Who knows, maybe you will stock my products if you will not have started your own.

The Gift barn makes the most divine candles I have come across and their rustic packaging is the cherry on top. They definitely are in the caliber of sand + fog. The beauty of scents is that our mind attaches them to people, places and events. When I boil rice with rosemary leaves, the smell takes me back to my mother’s kitchen in my high school days and the feeling is so real. The Gift barn shop had a candle whose name I forget but unmistakably reminded me of my dad. I asked the lady if it was inspired by a male perfume and she said could be, and she has heard a lot of her customers make reference to that. A kid had recently mentioned that the candle smells like papa.

Being at the shop evoked my yearning to see my creation come to life, having people buy my idea, people willing to spend on something I love passionately. I was beating myself up for not taking the leap and starting my gifting business venture then I remembered I had just recently celebrated 5 years of pouring into my blog. This blog is my labour of love. It is the gift that keeps giving and anytime I need proof of my commitment to a course I believe in, it looks right back at me. The commitment I have to my plants, to my yoga practice, to journaling, to always finding space for the things I love and that keep me grounded, all that makes me.

Much as I allow myself to take a break from all the things that make me, I get back on track and allow myself to pour some more into them. On my 5th anniversary, I commit to ensure that yoga, writing and journaling will forever be my coping tools wherever I go.

May 31, 2024

May

Books

This month’s Book Club read was Circe by Madeline Miller . I still remember the discussion we had around its pronunciation. I pronounce it as sass, a fellow book club member pronounced it as s-i-r-s-i, we were informed google pronounced it as suh. see, take your pick.

The book is way out of my comfort zone. I struggled with the Greek mythical characters, personification is not my forte. I am happy to announce that despite the difficulty I finished the book!!!! Announcing this gives me so much joy. It is proof of my endurance, resilience, commitment to the book club, and dedication. I will definitely have this as an example at my next job interview.

The member who suggested said she wanted us to read about strong female characters and true to her word, the book is all about women empowerment without trying too hard at it. We first see Circe’s helplessness and inconsequential existence. She is finally thrown out of the palace and condemned to live in a deserted island by herself. The most impressive thing about the island to me was how supplies never ran out and dirt cleaned itself up. This could make a good modern day fairy tale; most women just want to be. To live their best lives and not worry about the mundane tasks that take up much of our time. The cooking and cleaning men are not subjected to despite women also doubling as bread winners, home finance managers and investment decision makers.

I admired the names the writer came up with for the characters’, they were very befitting of the Greek mythology narrative. The pace of the book was alright, the tidbits of surprises would keep most people going (but me). Much as my reading experience was difficult, I am glad that I know Circe’s story and you too should.

I love June’s book club read, Confessions of Nairobi Men by Joan Thatiah. I have wanted to read this book because of the hype in the Kenyan market and the opportunity to hear men’s stories. Well, It would be better if the book was written by a man but a win is a win, at least we get to read the stories.

Work

A steady growth curve. These days scrap that, I always stand up for myself. This year I have had opportunities where I needed to remind colleagues of boundaries, mutual respect and work ethic. I have gone through the roller coaster of questioning the meaning of life and wishing I could be my own boss to enjoying the perks of an employee and realizing that self employment has its downside.

Life

My face is beaming at the thought of celebrating my birthday tomorrow. I am looking forward to opening my birthday gifts, I sure will get a slice of Art Caffe’s rose something cake. That in itself is growth… chocolate fudge cake has been a birthday staple and celebratory cake since my 19th birthday. The Art caffe cake was gifted by my friends in March and I have never wanted to eat a whole cake by myself until I had a bite of that one. Dear friends, thank you so much for the plug.

On Tuesday I was rather disappointed that I did not have a plan in place on how I will celebrate the day. I came up with a plan then abandoned it, all I know for sure is that I want to look good in a new outfit preferably that will be as new as the day I am born. I want to eat good food, I want to do an activity or two and eat cake.

AOB

Lately I am happy, I am content with my choices in life, I am humbled by some life experiences but mostly I am changing. I am becoming aware of moments when my anger is building up and I decide whether to feed it or let go. I am grateful of the beautiful moments I am experiencing alongside my friends, I am being challenged with decisions that I have to make, I am praying. ( Listen to Nyashinski’s time of my life)

I tried recreating a KFC Chicken recipe and it backfired bigtime. Luckily, I cut my loss early enough and changed tactic so that most of the chicken was still edible. I had major success recreating a pasta dish that I had at a restaurant on valentine’s. The restaurant menu was haphazard and the pasta was being served after the main course (feel free to let me know if I am the one who is clueless about dining etiquette). I felt they wanted to justify the cost of the valentine’s menu considering the price was increased from the previous year’s yet the menu options were limited. This creamy pasta with chicken, mushroom and cheese is comfort food and thinking about it leaves me feeling enveloped in a hug. I should not be spoiling for a fight but I only got the recipe after talking about the pasta and thanks to the Instagram microphone, it appeared on my suggestions. The recipe was in Turkish but thanks to the see translation option, I was able to know the ingredients.

That being all from me, remember to have your heaven down here.

April 29, 2024

Twenty Fine and Stock Taking

Have you been in someone’s mind.. not on, forget those people who claim they have been thinking about you I mean literally treading, opening and closing drawers or tabs, leaving footprints. You are just about to get in mine and I am debating how far to let you in. This is when the other shoe drops. When you realize there really is nothing more than meets the eye.

My excitement has been building up as we get closer to this day. Excitement and Fear.. Fire and Ice. It is chilling, I get goosebumps all over and immediately, I feel a sweat trickle down my armpits then I have to breathe in to regain composure. At 23 my tagline was childlike joy, at 24 traveling light. For frequent AYP yogis this is something that Zablon says in his classes among others and they stick with me. At 25 I want to unlearn and relearn. Just because I am past an age does not mean that the tagline too remains in the past, I hope that once adopted, it becomes a part of me.

The drive to have childlike joy is what pushed me to write the things that make me happy. The list is filled with the mundane. I also learnt to choose joy and I am currently learning that there is joy in choosing the easy path.

Traveling light has not been easy. At first I did it selfishly. I would not want to be burdened with any emotion so instead of dealing with it, I would share with the one who caused it so that it burdens both of us. Traveling light has me unpacking. I unpack my days, I unpack my truths, I unpack things that do not settle well with me. Traveling light has me letting go of what no longer serves me frequently.

It is really nothing about the journey, what happened and what did not.. it is all about who the process has made me to be. Writing this has also been a process, I wanted the post up on my actual birthday but time took its course and the prose paused. Three books, one series, solo EDM dance party, a quiet week by myself and finally progress.

While learning and unlearning, I got things to work on. In May I worked on choice. At a given moment, should I choose to be right or choose to be happy. Elisabeth Eliott in her book Let me be a woman writes that a grown woman realises that saying yes to happiness often means saying no to yourself.

I was up in arms the entire May because I wanted to choose myself and be happy. As the month came to an end, I found the wisdom in losing a battle so as to live and fight another day. The wisdom in choosing my battles and losing them so that I can win the war. My assignment this month is to find myself. Find out the core of my existence at least the version that has not been tampered by my upringing and experiences; enneagrams call it my soul child.

The journey to learn and unlearn began early in the year but since then I was only tilling the land, there was not much to write home. I can say this rainy season has been timely because I have sown the seeds. I am watering my shed in case the rains are not sufficient and when it’s time to bring in the sheaves I will be sure to come rejoicing.

Twenty fine literally took the bull by its horns. The life-changing experiences are usually a clarion call that should be headed. There comes a time when one can no longer sit on the fence, when the foundations of your belief are tested and you have to wade in murky waters. It is the deconstruction that happens, that will never be me becoming a possibility and seeing things without the rose-coloured glasses.

I always thought I needed to go where no one knows me where I can re-invent and be my authentic self to know who I am in the absence of family and friends who have expectations. I thought I needed to face certain types of challenges that would shake my essence to the core. I am glad to have de-mystified this belief and had to deal with a grey area to separate the black and white.

Reading this just a week before my birthday and realizing I never finished the post and how cryptic some of the paragraphs are. If I thought then when I was only half-way in that my 25th took the bull by its horns the rest of the year followed suit. I am writing this as I am sheepishly happy despite all. Today kicked my ass and I just wanted to scream and it validated what I say in passing that I want a husband who can provide for me so that I can take vacations as and when need be which as an adult is everyday. Budgeting has me raking my brains on every single coin and I would want that to stop. I think fashionable step-mum is living her best life and I want to be poised, affording brands that accentuate my body, and good makeup brands.

What I have unlearnt in a nutshell: ( How I wish I finished writing). This is me picking up this post a month to my 27th birthday. I am days shy from meeting my this month’s post deadline and I am considering taking a break, leaving the party early before I get shit faced and you all forget about my really good posts and just remember me as the writer who was struggling with consistency and kept churning posts. Reading my thoughts at different stages in life is my main motivation.

At 26, I have learnt the power of the tongue, things I casually said have come to pass. I am happy I do realize what I spoke into existence but I am more worried about the things I spoke in anger. I still get upset a bit too easy for my liking and I want to manage my reaction when I get upset. I am learning to filter advice from the diverse sources and a friend gifted me a literal sieve to help with the process. I am enjoying the beauty of life, my life is becoming easy in ways I did not even imagine. I am living my fairytale and realizing that there is a price too for that.

Life is beautiful. My mom really prepared me for this life and it was a nuisance back then. I smile in the ease I have in practicing what she taught. I know that my daughter too will vehemently oppose but like my mum says, I will be at peace when the time comes knowing that she is ready. 27 looks promising. I am starting a new chapter in life, a chapter I am ready to experience and I open my arms ready for the blessings, the lessons, the abundance life has in store for me. My tagline, having a little heaven down here.

Having a little heaven down here will entail, being slow to anger, channeling my childlike joy to keep me going, travelling light because I need only submit my things in prayer and leave it to God. I have to unlearn and relearn because to have heaven on earth I need to be more Christ like. I am seeing myself celebrating more; the more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. When we are popping a champagne bottle we will be celebrating my little heaven down here.

Here is to 27, my little heaven down here 🥂✨

March 31, 2024

To my girls

I am really cutting it close with this post. I am writing feeling exhausted as I have been traveling and since I waited until the very last day of the month, I have to keep at it unless I want to lose my 5 year long streak of having a post each month. I miss the days I would be inspired enough and churn up to three posts in a month. before today, I lacked content to write and I was ready to lose my streak instead of writing for the sake. I hope I keep writing long enough because going back to each of the published posts show my growth in terms of thought process and beliefs.

On 15th August 2022, I ended the post to my girls with what I thoughts girls my age needed to hear, the quote read:

BTW live life the way men do… the audacity, the entitlement, so carefree. I actually respect these creatures… men will always choose themselves. Wewe shinda hapo tu

I am finding it so difficult to express my thoughts. I have been wondering where I should share it as a letter to my future self and make it public for others to benefit, to journal it out or write a blog post here. My problem is I am uncomfortable giving my opinion lest I am later forced to mince my words. I have come across a line I wrote and thus, the opinion shared is my current best until I know better.

Allow me to leave this here with the hope that I shall settle the debate that is going on in my mind and agree on what to write in the three avenues. Until then we maintain the streak for another month.

Cheers!

December 24, 2022December 24, 2022

My travels to the Coast

My trips to Mombasa are always nostalgic. I grew up there as a young girl and it is the small joys that mattered. Then I only cared about who battered my bread and I had no free will of my own. I have gone back twice in my adult age and each of the trips back has been one of a kind.

The past month I have been busy traveling every weekend but somehow none of those journeys gave me the urge to be documented here. My visit to Coast was prompted by the need to reconnect with my roots. I hope that visiting the child in me by being with my childhood friends and reveling in the past would awaken and bring clarity to my future. It is the food and friends for me.

I thought I would finally get to board the SGR but turns out there was a memo that we should leave Nairobi for Mombasa to celebrate the long weekend. The train was fully booked and the connection I was assured normally gets you a seat onboard at a fee could do nothing for me.

I like it when I am determined because that is when I move heaven and earth. Flight prices were crazy but if push came to shove, they were not off the table. Since my journey was a trip back memory lane, it would meet the purpose if I used a bus like we used to. With the night curfew extended for 30 more days, most car companies have suspended night travel. I did get a bus, one of the oldies.

The arrangement was that the bus leaves Nairobi at 6.00pm but when curfew kicks in at 10.00pm we would have to park and resume our journey at 4.00am when it’s lifted. No difference with the SGR that arrives at 3.00am but passengers check out at 4.00am. The bus did not leave at 6:00pm but lucky enough, they kept driving through the 10pm curfew.

This was an October 2021 draft that I remember writing on my way back from my Mombasa trip. I really had a good time. I spent the long weekend eating from all my friends’ favourite spots. When the two of them differed we tried each of the places they liked and we decided which of the two was better. I am nostalgic thinking about this trip. I absolutely enjoyed how relaxing it was and the richness of the culinary experience.

Coast has to be a yearly destination. This year I went to Diani with a group of acquaintances. I had doubts about how the 4 night-long holiday will pun out. Remember our consensus in Bird Summons, also my hope of finally boarding the SGR did not materialize but I am convinced that road travel especially self drive is where the joy is at. There was some disorganization and I considered counting my loss on the deposit payment. I then told myself, I traveled to Tanzania with complete strangers when I was 19 and that went well. I traveled for the weekend to Sagana with another set of complete strangers and much as their company was a menace, I found joy in the little things and enjoyed reading a book I had carried with me. In short, I convinced myself that I would have a good time at least this time I had traveled with the group for a weekend in Eldoret sometime in the year.

The disorganization continued during the trip and I had to breathe through those moments. Despite everything, I enjoyed myself and I would have a repeat experience. If we get one or two things changed the trip would be top-notch. At the moment I fail to agree on which two. I would also have loved to have the time to visit my friends and repeat the culinary experience but no two trips are the same. My 2016 trip to Coast is dear to my heart because I was on that with my dad and I made memorable experiences with the people staying in the rooms next to mine. This is why a trip to the Coast has to be yearly, such rich experiences.

I enjoyed building this sand village. I started out and with the help of two, we made something.

I risked my hair for this shot. I took a lot of risks on this day. After several failed plans I decided to execute as many on my own. I woke up in the morning with resolve. I love how on this trip I was up early enough to watch the sunrise each day. The previous day I attended my first beach wedding and it was beautiful. Before that I had my first beach party roasting meat late in the night. It now sounds glamourous but that was an effect of bad planning.

I was at the beach as early as 8 am. I had envisioned quiet time, watching the waves, and joining a game of beach volleyball or football but I should have known these are more common in the evenings. I took a leap of faith and left my phone wrapped in my clothing and ventured into the ocean to ride the waves. A beach boy approached me and for some reason, I was unopposed to his company much as this was to be my quiet time; remember we had traveled as a group.

He took me to the Kongo river which was one of the failed plans. He guided me as I rode the waves ensuring I was swimming in danger-free zones at all times. The icing on the cake not only being the photos he took of me but without my asking, he offered to take me to the pool of Africa which was one of the failed plans that I had given up on. I enjoyed the company I found in the pool and swimming in it.

Image sourced from google, my camera did not have this clear shot

While journeying to the pool we found this abandoned hotel that would be a great business. I hope when I go back it would be reclaimed and brought back to the pristine state I believe it once was.

Everything about this trip worked for my good. I am now a step closer to fulfilling my Grown up dreams.

November 6, 2022November 5, 2022

Two truths and a lie

1. I am a born-again Christian
2. I enjoyed Tusker Oktoberfest
3. I had a rough night at Tusker Oktoberfest

I am a self-confessed lover of Concerts. Despite that, I still struggle to commit to attending mostly because I never have company. Maybe one day I will tire out and the idea of being out in the cold will put me off and the vibrant crowd will no longer appeal to me. Tusker Oktoberfest particularly appealed to me because of the hype my former colleague made about the 2019 one. He used to compare every concert to that and much as they had amazing performances he said they did not match up to it.

Of course, I wanted to know what I was missing out on. I decided to cut my Nyahururu trip short and convinced the only person I knew needed a nudge to say yes. I slept the entire journey back to Nairobi because my day was full of celebration and the previous night I only managed 4-hours of sleep. Fatigue was bound to catch up with me.

Tusker Oktoberfest had been advertised early in the month. The tickets were not only affordable but also redeemable. The lineup had Kenyan artists and you would find more than one you wanted to see perform. I wonder what I would have to say about the event if I managed to keep up with the 3-day festival. This was the Kenyan equivalent of the likes of Belgium’s Tomorrow land, America’s Coachella, Ghana’s afronation and Uganda’s nyege nyege. I hope Tusker’s Oktoberfest keeps up the trend.

You could tell there was a large crowd from the traffic on Ngong road and the subsequent surge in Uber charges for that destination. Ticket verification was somewhat organized but they had a difficult time due to the large numbers of semi-drunk people so they beefed up security. Despite having this map, we got lost plenty because we could not risk having our phones out lest one of the revelers with ulterior motivation enriches themselves. We resorted to asking official attendants for directions.

This event had so much to offer but our pockets were not deep enough. There were various food joints, body art painting, photo booths, majority of which I noticed from people’s stories. Our main focus was watching the artists perform and even when we could catch a break, we did not because we feared losing each other in the crowd or losing the cool spot we had found which was close enough to enjoy the performances and less crowded. Our intention was to maintain a sober front but the universe had other plans in store for us.

Concerts are where you discover or showcase your lyrical prowess. I was impressed by my mastery of Papa Jones’ lyrics. Mejja had a banger after banger. I was psyched for Nadia Mukami’s performance but she never sang any of her hit songs, or wait, a vague memory of me singing along to one of her songs is coming. This has to be the best part about concerts, the memory lapse and flashbacks throughout the week as you try decipher whether your mind is playing games on you or those events happened. I am fifty fifty on my take of the cringe worthy moments.

Arriving at the event venue was such a hustle. Those driving had to endure hours of bumper to bumper traffic. Uber passengers either opted to alight and walk or take a nduthi. Others were in full business mode disposessing people of their phones. It is in the later unfortunate scenario that one of my friends found herself. Things just went downhill from there, with no phone that means no ticket, no means of reaching the people you were to have a good time with, no means of hailing an uber for your return home and possibly no access to money as majority heavily rely on Mpesa.

Having her phone stolen was not the big issue mostly the helplessness she found herself in after her phone was gone. I admire her resilience in forging onwards with alternative ways to pay for another ticket with the hope that she will eventually find her people once she got in. Remember when I mentioned I had not bumped into my alliance French Movie dates in Lost illusions well that happened but my friend who needed to meet just one person she knew was not lucky enough. I was intrigued by how two people could be at the same place and have totally different experiences. Seems like my truth, your truth and the truth are all truths depending on how you look at it.

I am a born again Christian, I know not how this saving grace to me he did impart nor how believing in his word wrought peace within my soul.
But I know whom, I have believed and am pursuaded, that he is able, to keep that which I have committed and to him against that day.
I know not when my Lord may come , I know not how or where, If I shall pass the vale of death or meet him in the air.

Today I get confirmed and commissioned by the Anglican Bishop of Nairobi Diocese. I should soon therafter partake in the Lord’s supper with the other believers. It has been 4 months of classes to understand my Christian faith and much as I am not your typical born again saved, I very much believe in the death and ressurection of Jesus Christ and Judgement day. This is what we had explained makes you a believer. Confessing this with your mouth and believing it in your heart makes you born again.

I know not how the spirit moves convincing men of sin, revealing Jesus through the word creating faith in him. Well, as a believer I should also aton my sins and have the desire to live a new life in Christ. This new life entails renouncing all evil, holding first my christian faith, obeing God’s will and commandments and serving him faithfully all the days of my life. Its been a heated debate in my classes on what evil entails. I already feel like questioning the belief makes one less of a believer. I am not one to follow things blindly and every step of the way I doubted if my catechist will forward my name alongside the other students. Much as this has come to pass, I know not what of good or ill may be reserved for me, of weary ways or golden days before his face I see.

June 29, 2022June 29, 2022

Not dropping the ball

It is easy for me to write book reviews because I am always reading even when busy. It is quite a shock that even in months that come hard at me I still manage to read. This month, I have read 4 books that I could write about but I really wanted a different kind of post. I have been working on a very introspective post being my birth month but it went off tangent and I cannot salvage the bits of me left.

June 2022 has been very peculiar. It feels like a roller coaster and when the ride slows and I can finally catch my breath, someone opens sprinklers with ice-cold water and I am wondering whether it is refreshingly cold because my heart was just about to escape my chest or whether I am experiencing hypothermia and the fight for my life is not yet over.

Since the inception of the blog in August 2019 I have never missed posting each month and June 2022 is not about to be the exception. It takes the hand of God for me to push that publish button because the writing no longer remains private. No vision board could have predicted my starting a blog but either way I still beat myself up because I do not have one; a vision board that is.

I have heard people talk of their dream jobs and I tried picturing what that is for me. I could not name a particular company but thought of attributes I would want it to have. I want a job that is fulfilling and engages me. It should also have those tasks that I can easily carry out on those less productive days. I want a job that has travel opportunities or one that will pay me enough to organize the travel on my own. I should be able to detach from work during leave days and the weekend because personal time is respected.

I want a job that is interested in training its people to ensure they are all-rounded and gives them the opportunity to relate. I want good healthcare insurance but mostly a job that will not contribute to me developing any health problems. It will be a bonus if I do not dread Mondays. My dream job is not limited to employment, I am open to any money-making venture that will have those attributes.

My Linked In has been ablaze with my peers announcing the start of their careers and yet for me it feels like I am juggling and I am barely holding onto one aspect of my life before I have to hold onto another that is slipping. It is not really juggling but more of participating in a sport whose task is to carry a pale of water using strings and the art is controlling the tension of the strings as this will help you safely pour the water collected into the empty bottle. Throughout the exercise there is a lot of shifting and figuring things out. This was an activity we did for team building earlier in the year.

I have lots of time. I have been binging Orange is the New Black every day and night for a week now. I take breaks in between and spend an unhealthy amount of time scrolling my phone as I move from whatsaap, pinterest, instagram and twitter. Whenever I try muster the energy to do something productive like studying french or resuming my online courses so that I can explain the gap in my CV and have something more to bring to the table, I convince myself that bingeing is a worthy cause and that I do not have to be constantly productive.

June 2022 has really shaped my adult life. I have enjoyed a week-long solitude and realized that I do not have to travel outside the country to discover myself. In today’s session, we realized that I have a cavity and I was instructed to keep monitoring my tooth. I am currently not in pain and it is not posing a risk so we decided to leave the tooth. I am encouraged to find out how other people are managing their cavities.

June 2022 brought my nearest and dearest back to the fold. I am always in awe of the beautiful friendships I have been able to nurture along the way including one with my mother. Like the man in the picture, I am not dropping the ball.

May 21, 2022May 21, 2022

Progress

I realized I cared..

I did look for the next harbor and I was willing to let this ship dock.

I realized I loved..

I love and I know the price is grief and I do not want to sabotage the love to begin the grief

I realized I want..

I want this to run its course. I want to take no part in the death but I will handle the internment arrangement

I realized I worry

I worry that I may have become vulnerable and my weakness is no longer my strength

I realized I changed

I have changed my lens and now I notice all the grey areas

I realized I fear

I fear that I may say goodbye too soon. I fear that if I stay I may lose sight of my boundaries and lack the strength to assert myself in the future.

I realized I am strong

I am strong enough to know what I want. I am strong enough to go for what I want. I am strong enough to let others know they are stepping on me and I need them to back off

I realized I am weak

I see it happening but I need someone to speak up for me. I am weak enough to convince myself it will soon be over or that I would soon leave and that I do not have to speak about it I can wait it out.

I realized I breath

I breathe loud enough to make the sound of an ocean wave. I take shallow breaths and at times I am left gasping for air.

I realized I sulk

The child in me wants me to sit with my anger and sulk. The child in me has a reward policy, do good and you get a reward for it, do bad and my silent treatment will be loud.

I realized I play

I play the game. I want more choices, more chances, more levels, more characters, more lives.

I have kept building this draft since last year.. I have outgrown the initial phrases but like its title progress, this draft will never end as I keep realizing.