mashkiz

May 21, 2020May 25, 2020

Should I tell her

He’s stopped texting and calling

He’s no longer the first to double tap and notice that she’s updated her profile

She should be relieved, this is what she wanted. Loving him was red.

He made it a habit, she got used to the random calls, the long texts, knowing that there was someone waiting..

As much as she was complaining, she managed to make everything about him even when the question was rhetorical

Should I tell her?

He’s obviously met someone how else could he move on

I know it was his eyes, how they pierce into your soul. He has a way of looking at you not in a manner to undress but he sees beyond the cloth

Maybe it was his hands, he touched her bare shoulder assisting the conductor in collecting bus fare and the delicate fingers caused a sudden rush down her spine

Yes… That too. Not cologne neither is it the cheap scents. I haven’t been able to place it but once in a while I get a familiar whiff. The intensity is mild as if my nose is fighting to unearth it. When I least expect I get a trail and it takes me back to that moment when he first held me and every other time he did.

It can’t be his voice.. he never talked much at least not with his mouth. It was always the eyes, the touch, the scent that communicated.

I dare not think it. No! I never had enough of him. I always drowned in him. I could taste his scent and the more I did the deeper my tongue went and his gentle touch, those eyes.. my lips would be sore for days and I loved it because they tasted of him.

I know him but I don’t know him well. He’s tall, well taller than me.

Should I tell her?

She won’t believe me. She’ll think I’m creepy or that I’m not over him.

Should I tell her?

He is good looking, he’s low maintenance. He is a catch.

Should I tell her?

He’ll not show up when she needs him. He’ll ask her for money. He’ll take the jumper that he offered her once they get to the bus stop and leave her shivering. He’d rather lose her to pneumonia than lose the jumper he bought for a price way lower than her standards.

Should I tell her?

He’ll never plan a date. She’ll always go over to his place and he won’t even have any food to offer.

Should I tell her?

He’ll think she is uptight. He’d rather leave her in his house as he goes to catch up with his boys yet he said she should come.

Should I tell her?

She will leave him even though her flesh is weak.

When she sees that piercing gaze despite the mask, shivers will run down her spine. Her nose will twich when it gets that scent, her tongue will want to dig deeper but her feet will walk away.

Should I tell her?

May 17, 2020July 13, 2020

I no longer read books, I read authors.

The biggest challenge every writer faces is writing the first word, the first sentence, that first paragraph. This is the foundation and it has to be solid otherwise everything else topples. For one to write, you have to read. You spend days reading different authors, taking walks, looking for inspiration at 3 am and nothing!! Nothing that you consider worthy to be put down on paper especially because it can be traced back to you. As a writer you expose yourself, your intricate thoughts, your life, your dreams everything and anything and still the constant fear that it may not be good enough is ever present.

I no longer read books, I read authors. I read about their childhood, their education, their career path, their lives. Everything and anything including watching their interviews. I want to understand the person behind the words, I want to know them, think of their thought process and identify with their reality. My interest in knowing the person behind the writing was piqued by one of colleen Hoover’s books. By knowing the writer I not only mean authors; script writers, poets, musicians everyone and anyone involved in the writing process at whatever stage.

I would be intrigued by anyone who can decipher the different author’s I’ll pick on by description and bonus points for the book in mind.

We often assume that one must have gone through some pain in order to write about it so deeply in a way that evokes our empathy. In the same vein, we assume that if an author writes something so dark they must be going through some difficult moment in their life. Both scenarios are not necessarily true. In fact, an author revealed that when writing one of the darkest books I have read to date they first had the original story as it had occurred then using antagonistic journaling turned it into the thriller it became. This technique involves writing the opposite of what happens in the original story thus making it easy for a writer to pretend to be someone they aren’t.

Often, it is easy for writers to separate reality from fiction in a way that they live in both worlds though at different times. When a writer’s world becomes dark, they can retrieve to a happier fictional place or even write about a darker world than the one they are living just to make their reality feel a lot better. In another book that literally drove me to tears, I was shocked to learn that the events described had not taken place as narrated but were actually fiction imagined after the writer saw a picture from a newspaper clipping.

It reminds me of a book that drove millions into anger after learning that the story depicted was not a memoir by the author as it was categorized to be. The book won several awards, it was on the bestseller list for months and even featured in the famous book club’s read for the month. Thinking back, perhaps the book sold because people could put a face on the character. The author’s face, as the troubled person who eventually overcame. Given the era the book was published, overcoming that incident was a major milestone. Fortunately, by the time this knowledge became public, the book had sold several copies and even brought the author to limelight. Thanks to this controversy, I enjoyed a different book by the author who was not deterred by the angry fans and put more content for those who could look past the incident to relish.

It’s a jungle out here! Somehow writers still find their way given the numerous material being published. Some readers also have an epiphany. Going through the reviews of a book I had just put down, a reader was generous enough to share her mind blowing discovery. The entire book was a tribute to a famous musician who had died a couple of years back. The writer was alluding to one of the singer’s greatest hit songs and even named a character after the album tittle. In the book, one of the characters had this journaling lifestyle and he would name his journals. The particular journal we get to see him write was named after the singer’s hit song. The entire plot is based on the singer and how he eventually died. I would never have joined the dots but following the trail blew my mind.

Some writers are all together just lucky. First time writing about their experiences, their lessons, their truth and they spring to limelight. The trouble is, after such a huge success, writing the next book is hard. Their readers have identified with the story, they want more but the writer gave their all to the first book. There are only so many times you can re create your life story eh.. if only writers were cats! This particular book surpasses the writers wildest imaginations and got signed for a movie adaptation. Despite the odds, the writer manages to publish not one, not two but several books. In fact, I am yet to read my best work from the author and between me and you, Its either that first book was overrated or the movie was downplayed. I have enjoyed the 2nd book that the writer had difficulty writing but this is what drew me. The one that I claim is the writer’s best work and I am yet to read has already been published. Every time I am about to get hold of it literally the person ahead of me picks it up and it is always the last copy. That is why I consider it the best work.

If anything, this article should motivate you to put out your work. I hope these techniques help cure that writer’s block and give you ideas of how to write. Luckily for me it has given me what to write. I can’t end this piece without mentioning the author who doubled the words I have searched for in a single reading. I have really tried throwing in one or two here but the nature of my writing renders it otiose. I was taken aback to learn that it was the writer’s first. Well, the story was neither here nor there but its rattling nature would make you keep an eye out for the next book.

April 23, 2020April 25, 2020

The Bold Type

As children, we were groomed to look up to adulthood. Other than the normal question who do you want to be when you grow up, we played games depicting family life; ‘cha mama’ and marriage while skipping rope. You literally built your ideal man, planned your wedding, where you and your partner would reside, the number and gender of the kids you would have. In our naive minds, each of us had the best man who ticked all the boxes and we had good health, finances were never a problem we considered. We were each little princesses who deserved the very best and that’s what we got; happily ever after.

I’m not sure at what age we snap out of the fairy tale. It’s like we were all sleeping beauties and suddenly the curse is lifted and we can see the world for what it is. I’m lucky enough to still be in touch with my playmates and whenever we get together, we agree that as children we were cushioned. Some who selected Church weddings as kids have already settled on come we stay arrangements. The names we settled for in our ideal man when Alejandro and Hector were the standard have now materialized to Kevo and Brayo.

None of us knew that along the way one or two may die young, death was for the old and it was always by natural cause soundly in your sleep. We were to keep the straight and narrow path and be the light of the world and the salt of the earth. You should have heard our sweet melodious voices singing from the pulpit every Sunday ‘sauti za kutoa nyoka pangoni’. This statement frightened me. Every time we would sing I would look around JUST in case ( pun intended ).

All these memories came back to me when I watched the last episode of The bold type Sn 4. You know how the highlight of every romance movie is the wedding of your favorite actors, this was no different. They had gone through challenges in the 4 seasons which meant they had qualified for the criteria to get a happy ending. Isn’t this what all films have programmed in our minds. Either the family plotted against you, or you temporarily lost the ‘love of your life’ to the other woman only to be rejoined by fate.

In this case, the plot was novel. The guy was among the board members in the company the girl worked in so technically he was her boss. They had to work around the company’s dating policy and thanks to the fact that she was dating someone who had a say in decision making, it was fairly easy. I brought this series up because of the change of mindset we get from it. The couple plans their wedding and they tire from all the details encompassed in making it the best day of their lives. With 6 months to go, they had not settled on the floral arrangement, the church, guests, different opinions by the two families being brought together and their schedule was just insane. So while catching up over drinks after work they decide screw it we’ll just get married in this bar. We’ve had our best moments here.

Having made that big compromise, everything followed suit. The wedding was moved from 6 months away to that weekend. They picked an officiator from among their friends, one of their friends who is an official photographer offered to be their photographer as her gift to the couple. Pro tip: You should really invest in diverse friendships; build your circle. Now that I think of it, I have a couple of musician friends, a few friends who can bake, photographers are plenty, an upcoming make up artist… guys, I can have a wedding I just need the groom.

The bride decided to walk herself down the aisle. She said, she is not something to be given away. I can imagine how this would crush my African parents especially being the only girl. What actually happened was that the groom walked to meet her. This I would want after all isn’t it ‘always’ the guy who approaches the lady. Rather whoever made the first move should be the one to walk down the aisle. ( Unpopular 2 am thought)

For a heartbeat, I thought this wedding wasn’t going to take place. We have to rewind to the night before. I mentioned that the two met while working in the same place however, months after the engagement the groom moved to a different town to launch the business he’s always wanted to engage in and after the wedding, the agreement was that the bride would quit her assistant position and follow him there. Her wedding present from her immediate supervisor which was given to her hours before the wedding was a promotion to a position she had been eyeing for 5 years. This changes dynamics. The whole wedding was based on them living together in one city and there poof 💨.

She weighed her options; as much as she had found the love of her life, the fulfillment she’ll get from this job was unmatched, it was her passion. I normally hate it when you apply for a job and get no reply then all of a sudden after you have given up and even thought of focusing your energy elsewhere, you get multiple offers, each with different perks and the only reason you applied to so many is because none gave a timely response. It’s the same way when you choose to settle down with one person suddenly 5 other people that you had considered as potential decide to reciprocate your love for them that has now died down.

The bride being the bold type requested for the groom to be summoned before the wedding. She explained the situation to him and stated that whatever happens, her decision lies in taking up the job offer. Of course the groom was taken aback. How dare she! At this moment, when everyone is already seated. All their colleagues! He never got the chance to answer to build suspense.

With so many incidents being reported on social media of a love story turned sour, many of my friends and sometimes myself included have been questioning this whole idea of a happy ending. We have been victims of believing all that glitters and we’ve failed to see that it was not gold. Even with this, there is no assurance on the outcome of our stories but this does not mean that we do not make them.

This ring is the symbol of my love, my commitment and my promise to always dream bigger and be honest and take risks that make both of us proud. I vow to always listen, to ask what you want and what you need. With this ring and all that I am I marry you… (Groom’s vow)

You are my basket of bread sticks, you are my truth and without truth I am nothing. So I promise to be steady and strong and honest till death do us part. This ring is a token of my love and with it and all that I am, I marry you… ( Bride’s vow)

Aren’t those vows just beautiful. They are a depiction of what exactly is needed to make any relationship work; Honesty, communication and mutual understanding. I’ll take that anytime over the generic in sickness and in health. Anyway, the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

I urge you to be the bold type. Despite what will be portrayed, what you may have experienced that has changed your perspective, BE BOLD .

April 16, 2020April 16, 2020

Opinions: Should we bank on them?

How much do other people’s opinion influence your choice?

I’m currently watching the circle; a series about different individuals residing in the same building who never get to see each other. They each have to create a profile on social media to represent them. You can use your picture or someone else’s. You have to form friendships and become likable enough for people to want you in the game but not too popular that you become a threat. Tough balance huh..

So the organizers throw in games that tend to reveal the player’s personality. It might be their IQ in terms of general knowledge, Creativity in terms of artsy things to design or write or just plain opinions i.e which player is most likely to… From these games you get to know people’s opinions of you. Other players also get to form their opinion. One time players had to decorate a cake and just from the colours and the idea behind the decoration, players formed an opinion on whether the decoration presented matched the player’s bio.

Today I decided to invest in hair products. I have been watching vlog reviews of natural hair products and one thing for sure is that there are plenty of them. Then for each product there are people who swear by it and you can find an equal number who have a contrary opinion. Armed with my research knowledge, I decided to stick with the qualities I’m looking for in a brand other than going with a brand name. I settled for a product that reduces or eliminates dandruff and one that keeps my hair hydrated. Volume for me is given and right now, I am not chasing length. This makes it easier finding an affordable product and variety because this is the bare minimum.

The one stop shop for hair products is best lady. I went to the one in uptown since the ones centrally located tend to be more crowded and we are called upon to exercise social distancing. As soon as I walk in, one of the attendants make eye contact and start approaching. I tell her what I am looking for and immediately she points me to a shelf with a variety of products. She picks one that never came across any of the videos I watched. So for dandruff my research told me I need tea tree oil which retails at 400 ksh for a tiny bottle. Lo and behold! This strange brand presents me with a leave in treatment come conditioner that is made of all essential oils. Be it castor oil, avocado oil, tea tree, whatever tree that produces oil it’s in there. This is not the best part even … wait for it… The price !!! I just had a flashback of my last year post of how saving coins can cost you more https://wordpress.com/block-editor/post/dimplesmigrainsandaahs.home.blog/157 . We can only hope that fate is not revisiting this lesson because I seem not to have learnt from it.

Well, of course I take the product. Who doesn’t want to have most if not all the essential oils in one bottle! The attendant swore by it. She had her hair open in twists and she claimed she used products from that brand to achieve that length and volume. Her hair was promising. More so the fact that the story wasn’t far fetched. Have you met those people looking miserable in ‘tailored suits’ enticing you to join AIM global and assure you insurmountable wealth within a few days? Well, our attendant wasn’t one of them. (Opinion)

Happy with my purchases, I step out of the store but the money I parted with was enough to buy two products from a luxurious brand. Barely 10 feet away from the store, I spotted a familiar face on the street. A friend who can call me by name when i’m in a crowd but other than that we don’t know each other. We exchange pleasantries and I show her my purchases that I believe are a good deal. Oh my!! Was her reaction. You know how such stories end. So she tells me about her terrible experience with the brand and qualifies her opinion with maybe it’s just me .

So is it just her ? When someone shares a dilemma they have and want your opinion do you also have that habit of giving your take and qualifying it with that’s just what I think but you never know this might be different? I do this. I don’t want blame in case my plan doesn’t work. I went back to the store and asked if I could exchange the products. Yes, the one in charge responded but what different product would you go for? I explained my concern and we talked for a while and eventually I left the store with the products I initially bought.

So back to the circle. After each round of activities, players have to rank each other on popularity. The opinions they formed when engaging in the activities has a huge influence on this. The least popular is kicked out of the circle by two of the most popular players. Before the least popular player leaves the building, they get to chose to meet a player face to face. Some pick the player’s they felt they had a bond with, others decide to confront the player they think made the choice or influenced their being kicked out from the circle. In most meetings, they talk about the strategy of the game and what opinion they each formed about other players. Some would advice, be careful about player XXX they might be a catfish. But this is just that player’s opinion.

Watching the series and my experience has made me more aware of the different opinions that may have or still influence my decisions. Brands are making lots of money from getting the right influencer to endorse their products. I might have fallen for this as well. I am a sworn babelline and now that I think of it I’m not sure whether this happened when Muthoni Njoba got to be their brand ambassador or if I was a babelline before that. Then again, I have no recollection of Maybelline before Muthoni Njoba💡 there goes my answer.

It is never easy making a decision on your own. Some people are more experienced and others might have more knowledge on that particular field so often times we tend to consult. At times I feel like we don’t even have to, the moment something is in your mind, trust me the day won’t end before you come across a post that relates on your screen.

Now that you are thinking about the various opinions that have influenced your choices and if not I bet you will.

May our opinions be well informed and may those of others that find space in our heads help us in making the right choice.

March 28, 2020April 23, 2020

Encounters

Image from Alliance Français art exhibition

Alliance Français is the plug in hosting events. Let me let you in on a secret. When you want to be part of a vibrant crowd, socially diversified, experience art at a cost almost equal to nothing this is the place!! The events range from music performances, extra ordinary art exhibitions, plays and movies. If you are in luck, You will recognize the performing artist, most times you will get to discover new artists from Kenya and different parts of the world. It gets even better, during some French culture themed events, they serve chilled wine and tartes. They may taste foreign to the uncultured palate but with frequent visits to Alliance it becomes an acquired taste.

Imaged from Alliance Français art exhibition

At some art event I was attending one evening, a gentleman approached my friend and I as we were feigning artisanship. Caught in the moment I introduced myself as an art collector and my friend stated that she was a writer. I do collect art, in my head. I remember the pieces I’ve seen that have left me in awe. I will collect art in future so I was only speaking it into existence. For now however, I just gaze at the admirable pieces and take my leave. ( most of the art pieces showcased at Alliance are for sale) We spent the evening sharing stories of our invented selves. It was amazing how naturally the stories flowed thanks to our innate reading culture and passively acquired knowledge.

Now that I think of it, I have had many firsts at Alliance. It is a miracle that all these people have never met me at the same time . I can imagine the confusion that will befall them. It would be worse than what the disciples underwent when they received the holy spirit and each was speaking in tongues different from the other. Note to self: to be more cautious and probably stick to one script.

Did I mention that we shouldn’t under estimate the power of social media. Hmm… on another Saturday, My friends and I were at Goethe institute. This is the German version of Alliance ( ~~Lol~~ ) but smaller with less frequent events. Yet another art exhibition but this time the art pieces were experienced on Virtual Reality. ( you see why I could pass for an art collector). Anyway, some guy approaches me and strikes a conversation. His angle is mundane topics but somehow the conversation hits off and we discover that we share mutual interests. After a few shared laughs, I’m pretty easy to convince. Naively, I tell him my real name, both names infact. You should have seen the shock on my face later in the evening when I got a friend request from him on Instagram. I had no intention of making anything out of our informal encounter.

Thursday evening, over the Christmas period, I was heading to visit my cousins in their village home from my grandmother’s place. I had always gone accompanied but this was my first time going alone. As I was trying to figure my way, Jemo who later identified himself approached me. I am normally adamant in telling people I meet for the first time my name and any information that the stranger asks. Jemo tried every trick in the book and later even suggested that I lie to him whatever name I pleased. The determination he had is unmatched.

Well, Jemo wasn’t my preferred type. You could get a whiff of alcohol from him and by his walking you could tell that he’d got Dutch courage. I later confessed that I was lost and despite his state, he called someone who knew the area better and they both accompanied me to my destination. We parted with a promise that I will tell him my name the next time we meet. In my head, this was never meant to happen hence my confidence in agreeing to it. I was leaving for Nairobi early morning the next day.

As fate would have it, my grandmother requested me to purchase a few items from the shop for her before I took my leave. You know who happened to be on that same intersection at the exact time, Jemo. He sees me and chuckles. I weigh my options; either go back home and find an excuse for my granmother or brace it.

Well, he doesn’t bite and I have curved better looking men before so a drunk village man won’t be a problem. I head towards him as I curse between my teeth. For some reason around Jemo I’m always the damsel in distress. This time round, I had misplaced money and I only realized when I stretched my hand out to greet him. Damn!! I had a hundred shillings a few minutes ago and I have no idea where it is, I tell Jemo of course in Swahili. I’ll help you look for it, he offers. We begin the search and Jemo finds it. He then insists to escort me to my destination and since I’m duly indebted, I have no recourse.

This social distancing has made me reminisce the moments I have shared with strangers. I happen to have many of such experiences. Some could actually befit a scene in a movie. When this COVID 19 pandemic is over, what I’ll miss are the hugs shared among friends, the double kiss and high -fives. It will take a while before we go back to this routine because of the social conditioning that would have taken place. For my missed stranger opportunities during this period, I hope I’ll have better encounters soon.

March 25, 2020March 25, 2020

Clown. ing

I miss you

I miss you more

When will I be seeing you…

Soon, I’m out of town for a while.

Cool, hope you are fine.

Yes, still busy as usual

Hey, how are you doing?

Fine, a bit tired. I came back a few days ago.

Oh, so you did. You didn’t mention it.

I just did.

Ok. I hope you are well. I really don’t understand how you can’t spare a few minutes of your day.

( seen )

Hey, just thought about you today

( lies, it’s all you think about )

You did, how are you?

Three paragraphs, six emojis, intricate details, I could go on …

Oh sounds fun.

( single reply 2 days later )

Image result for clown — from google images

February 18, 2020March 30, 2020

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Image sourced from @rebac _Kenya IG handle. This tee is available for purchase.

I never knew you write…

I don’t.

Oh, the link you shared I thought that’s your site.

Why would you think so?

Fun and Laughter over everything is your tagline.

Aah… so that’s the tell. I do write. That’s my site. Just wanted to know how you found out because I don’t publicize it .

My excuse for not sharing my blog is to avoid disappointment. The only way one cannot be disappointed is if you do not have an expectation. When I share my link with you, and you do not read, I will be disappointed. Hence, I do not share the link with you and thus, I do not burden you with my expectation and as a result, I am not disappointed.

So do I write with an audience in mind? I do. I write in the hope that when you stumble upon the link, you will like what you read and subscribe to receive new post notifications. I also write ‘anonymously’ to receive both positive and constructive criticism. I want to know what you enjoy, what story resonates with you and what you do not appreciate.

From the dialogue above, a few of my friends have already figured the face behind the writing but for the many who have not, majority will before the end of this post.

Stumbling upon them made my day. Everyone knew about it but no one understood. Nevertheless, people safely kept 40 bob coins they came across to trade in with me or just give me to make my day as they knew it would. One time, I was really angry at someone. She approached me with three 40 bob coins at hand and I knew I had to let the grudge go. Without realizing, it also became a way of saving money. Now that the old currency is being phased out, I am developing another hobby.

New follower update, new like, 8 visitors, 1 view especially on those random days when I don’t have a new post light me up. Recently, I received an email recommending a new blog that people should read and to my surprise it was this link! Then is actually the first time I recorded my highest number of site visits in a day given that I have not been actively publicizing.

The stats do cheer me on but my greatest motivation is accessing the site from time to time and loving what I write. Abby encourages me to write; she is my 1st follower and every time I slack on a post I remember I promised her consistency and she waits for that notification. Being accountable to myself and my readers makes the many edits a pleasure.

Do you have a best friend ?

I don’t… I have many best friends.

I think you shouldn’t. The tittle itself puts so much pressure. A best Friend is like your right hand. There are things expected of the best friend that are not communicated.

Is it mutual? Does the person refer to you as best friend or they don’t even know you consider them as such?

Well for some it is mutual but for many it is an implied association.

This conversation that I had a while back is playing in my head. I’m the one with the many best friends. I think it relates to the disappointment and expectation theory I have. On 18th February 2018, I lost two friends who were really important to me. I expected them to show up and when they did not, I was disappointed. I had this expectation because it is what I would have done were the tables reversed. I do miss our friendship and at times wonder how things would have been if I didn’t have the expectation and took several steps back after the disappointment.

Taking several steps back is unhealthy because humans disappoint. It’s innate. We disappoint our Creator; how unlikely is it for us to disappoint fellow man?

Last year I decided to travel on my birthday so as not to expect people to show up if I plan a party and neither to be disappointed when they hit me with those non remorseful sorry texts later as I await their arrival. When I hit the road, I got so many phone calls; friends asking for my whereabouts. You should have told me they chimed. I actually have on several occasions in the past not necessarily my birthday and we all know how that turned out.

This year, I’m doing my best. My best to be impeccable with my word, not to take anything personally and never to make assumptions. These are the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz ( It’s a book you should read to have the four agreements explained). I’ll do my best to stop assuming people won’t open the link once I share it with them. If they don’t, I won’t take it personally. Most importantly, I will be impeccable with my word in the hope that others will and their yes to invitations will be a yes to showing up. Even if they don’t, I will do my best not to make assumptions and never to take it personally.

Don Ruiz encourages us that we might not always be able to achieve the four agreements but we must do our best to honor them. If you break an agreement, begin again tomorrow, and again the next day.

February 1, 2020February 1, 2020

Rest In Peace

On 1st February 2018, my world crashed and I did not know how to express my pain. A friend wrote a poem that I share as we mark the 2nd anniversary.

twinkling star

You left.

You left me.

You left us.

You didn’t choose to leave

But you just had to go

My tears fall for you

My heart keep breaking every day

Because I know you are not living that day

I looked up to you

I’m now lost

Why now?

I wanted you to see me grow

Will I ever grow without you?

Your presence in my heart will not fade

I refuse to let you go

We were the three musketeers

And now we are two

Not masketeers.

I hope you found your haven

I’m not saying goodbye

Till we meet again…

RIP.

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January 24, 2020

YOU

Here’s a piece that launched my writing on 21st November 2018. There was a call for submission for a piece on mental health and the chosen articles would be on the 2019 July issue of Sed Africa. Sed Africa is an online magazine for students and by students. In the email, the line that caught my eye was ‘ If you are still trying to figure out exactly what you’re capable of, why not start here?‘ I headed to the library, opened Microsoft word and stared at a blank page. I’m not sure how long it took me to write but I sent my submission clearly stating that i’m not a writer but I have an assemble of words.

Fast forward to 10th February and I receive an email Sed Africa 7 with a link to access the Issue. Voila! I spot my first tag line and now you get to read it as well. Here’s a link to Sed Africa for an enlightening indulgence https://sedcontra.com.ar/sed-africa/

Did you ever imagine yourself being where you are currently? Holding positions you currently do? Living the life you currently afford? Good or bad.

Well, for some it might have been rather obvious; this is your dream career coming to light, everything turning out how you expected whereas, others marvel at what the journey of life has been… Making friends out of strangers and quite often the dear friends till death do us part becoming strangers.

I never had a plan joining University, but I did hope that it would be the best years of my life. I anticipated making new friends who would last a lifetime, keeping tabs on my old friends and remaining as close as we were. The greatest hope of all that makes me laugh my heart out is the dream fairy-tale I waited to unfold.

Nothing ever prepares you for the reality of life. Not the myriad bible verses you memorised as a child, nor the lessons learnt from other peoples ‘mistakes’. When the time comes, you make a choice from the cards you are dealt with. Most of the time they aren’t the cards you would have hoped for but either way you have to make a move, and everyone is watching, stakes are high. These are the moments that shape you.

Much is said about positivity, happiness, well-being, mental health, self-awareness, peace the list goes on. I will sum it all in three letters YOU. Circumstances coming our way that we did not envision is inevitable. There is no perfect ending, perfect life BUT you can still have your fairy-tale. Disclaimer: It would not end like the ones you’ve heard before because the characters and the director are different. You are the lead role; the sole director and as always portrayed in films, the star overcomes pretty much everything.

I am glad to have realised early in life that I have control over my mental health, self-value and everything else within my reach. In these four years I would probably have made different choices, had totally different outcomes, some I wish I could. Nevertheless, I do not regret. In your journey of life, You are the author of your book, the composer of your song, the judge of your case, your own architect… Never be put on anyone’s weighing scale. They do not have your cards, know your song, the facts of your case or the structure of your plan.

Ps: This is not advice for I am barely old enough to give some. Take it as you will; with a pinch of salt, herbal- I would suggest- for your health’s sake.

January 10, 2020January 8, 2020

My 2019 reading feast

2019 plummeted my reading culture. Without realizing, I preferred travelling with a book in hand. It enabled me to withstand traffic and made waiting for people who don’t keep time bearable. Slowly I developed a culture and quickly joined a community of people who love reading. I go for book club meetings once a month, I subscribe to a podcast that has monthly book discussions and several book suggestions, I devote an entire board on my Pinterest to book titles I have to read and lastly I share my thoughts on books I have read and insist that my friends and family read the same.

By the 31st of December 2019 I had finished reading around 35 books. The figure is not exact because I was simply reading for the fun of it and only made a count of those I could remember after getting to know that people had set reading targets for the year. I beat myself up because there are some books I out rightly refused to set my eyes on and others I consider nuanced like the classics but still struggled reading. Thanks to a comment on the bookclub podcast I tune to ‘any reading is good reading‘; It validated my choices and made me more comfortable sharing them.

One book I reread to refresh my memory as it became a book club read later in the year ( It ends with us by Colleen Hoover), four I reread because I enjoyed the story so much and wanted to relieve the feeling the writing had evoked in me at a past time( What the future holds by Sarah Mkhonza, Memories of midnight by Sidney Sheldon, the Other side of Midnight by Sidney Sheldon, and Rage of Angels by Sidney Sheldon).

If it isn’t evident thus far, Sidney Sheldon is my all time favorite author. I have read all his books even the ones Co- Authored by Tilly Bagshawe. Rage of Angels holds a special place in my heart. I prefer the books solely written by him to the co-authored ones. Nevertheless, I am grateful that Tilly Bagshawe brings to life his unfinished manuscripts.

If I had my passport stamped for every place I have traveled to in books, I would have been to Nigeria thrice, France, the US more than 10 times, Greece, Norway, Poland, Thailand, Somalia, Brazil and Switzerland. These are among the notable countries I remember due to their vivid description. Katerina by James Frey took me to Paris, France. I landed at Charles de Gaulle and really explored the streets of Paris. I dined at a local Cafe, had a local bar that I frequented, spent days at the Louvre admiring striking pieces of Art and had conversations next to the Seine.

The genres I read were diverse. The Tattooist of Aushwitz a historical Fiction by Heather Morris made me experience Hitler’s ruling. The fact that I was reading this book while on a luxury vacation heightened the pain felt by those in concentration camps. I remember finishing the last sentence while at Border Control getting my Passport stamped and I shed a tear.

2019 was my first audio book listening experience. There is this podcast called nipe story hosted by a Kenyan, Kevin Mwachiro that gives voice to a compilation of African short story fiction, Kenyan stories. The story that got me looped is The Prostitute and heartbreak by Michael Ochoki. You have to listen to this. The story telling is just amazing and credit should also go to the story itself but the narrator, my oh my! Here’s a link https://podtail.com/en/podcast/nipe-story/the-prostitute-and-heartbreak-by-michael-ochoki/

Eleven minutes by Paulo Coelho is a book that should be read. I had a wild guess on what the tittle would be alluding but the discovery I made in the pages of the book was not one that crossed my mind. Three women by Lisa Taddeo gave me a list of vocabulary as well as a different challenge in life. When I think of a breakdown in a relationship, I tend to focus on the wrong things either party did. What of the things neither party did?

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire was a totally pointless read. I finished the book simply to voice my disappointment at my book club meeting. The only silver lining the book had were the life lessons ‘quotes’ that i’ll share. ” Another secret of the universe: Sometimes pain was like a storm that came out of nowhere. The clearest summer would end in a downpour.” I do relate to this. “Maybe we just lived between hurting and healing” this is food for thought. “I got to thinking that poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just didn’t get- and never would get” I almost conquer with John Green when he says that our favourite quotations reveal more about us than the authors who wrote them.

A girl walks into a bar by Paige Helena was a first read of its kind. It is a book where you get to choose what happens to the character and therefore determine your ending. I enjoyed reading it so much that even after having my ending, I went back to look at what the outcome would have been if I had made a different choice. Don’t we all want this? This reminds me of Dark Matter by Blake Crouch. It brings out the existence of a parallel universe and there being different versions of us living the life of the path we did not take when we were at crossroads.

Hidden in Plain sight by Nurrudin Farah is one of those books I am pleased I got to lay my hands on. It is based in Nairobi, Kenya and Somalia. Reading about the streets you know, places you frequent resonates with you. Given that the theme of the book is terrorism, I cried uncontrollably when reading it despite the fact that I was on public transport which raised an alarm from the concerned driver whom I sat next to.

The Blessed girl by Angela makholwa is another notable read. It brings to light challenges faced by young girls and is very realistic.

My author of the year has to be Colleen Hoover. I have read five of her books and enjoyed each one of them. I think she first has a theme then writes around it. Each of the five books has addressed a particular issue. Hopeless is on defilement and its effect, Without Merit is on Mental Health, It ends with us is on physical abuse in a relationship, All your perfects is on infertility and Verity is just twisted. This is the book that introduced me to the author and i’m still intrigued by it. I have questions that only Colleen can address.

Alafair Burke is an author whose books I will read more of in 2020. The two I read this year have been thrilling( The wife, and The Ex). Given the background of the Author, hers is a mind I would love to pick. The Book club podcast I have been referring to is called bad on paper. I got to learn about it sometime in November in time to join them for their December read which I really enjoyed and helped get me in the Christmas mood. The book is titled One day in December by Josie Silver . Three Women by Lisa Taddeo was also a podcast bookclub read and they brought the author in for a discussion which is a rare opportunity.

2019 in books has been an opportunity to live vicariously and I hope you too decide to enjoy life as a different character all through the 365 days.