mashkiz

September 29, 2021

The Path to success

At one time or another, you may not have achieved the desirable results. We do not talk about failure as much as we do success. If you fail no one wants to know your story unless you found a way against all odds to turn your 50 attempts into a success story. For a long time education was the key to success. This was hammered into the heads of all Kenyan children. You were to go to school, work hard, pass all exams and thereafter get a well paying job that will enable you raise the living standards of your family. Generations fought for women to be educated. Generations fought for women to have white collar jobs like the men. Maybe we got it all wrong .. maybe education is not the only key. After all, no one guaranteed that it was the master key.

Later in my University years is when I began hearing success stories of people who dropped out of school. No one bothered introduce us to this unique crop of individuals during our career fair. It was always the doctors, the engineers, the lawyers… funny enough our teachers were not part of the lineup ~~because even to them other professions were more noble and they wanted the best for us.~~ Scratch that, maybe they hoped we had seen the best of their profession as they spent most of the time with us and hence they did not need to be paraded once a year. It was also when joining university that I met people who opted for teaching as a career because they could not see themselves doing any other thing.

The goal has always been to be successful. Being among the best is not considered good enough, you have to beat them all, stand out, get the awards. Once you instil the habit of beating everyone to be the top, you will forever fall short. We created a culture, sustained it and demanded that we put all our efforts in attaining it.

It is never enough for an artist to be nominated for the Grammy’s. People will always ask but did the Artist win the award. Even if they won, how many awards did they scoop that year or in their entire music career. An artist who has good enough songs that attract a sizeable crowd is still measured against the amount of money the Artist makes and the lifestyle the artist can afford. It is no wonder some artists are battling with drug addiction and worse off that most of them commit suicide. Some realize they cannot live up to the expectations of their fans or their own expectations. One might have managed to scoop several awards in a year but the next year the creativity does not come up to par or maybe it does but we the fans do not give the Artist the same recognition we gave them a year before and thus they do not scoop any award.

I am trying to re evaluate my idea of success. I do not think that it is a two sided coin where you either get heads or tails. Success is a continuum and I need to recognize that I may not have it all. We have been reminded that one cannot test the ability of a fish by how it climbs a tree because that is not its forte. The same accommodation should be accorded to humans.

Instead of asking how many accolades one has on their belt perhaps we could value someone by how empathetic they are in a situation, how engaging they are in a conversation and most importantly to trust them with the opportunity to show us what they have accolades aside. I am just about to sit exams and the possibility of failing has paralyzed me with fear. It is what drives me to wake up at wee hours in the morning and my reason for sleepless nights.

The day the results come out is a day of reckoning. It is when the wheat is separated from the chaff. This is when people will finally know if you were all talk. Looking back, I have already had life examining methods that should count for something. Once when my life depended on it, I used the skill obtained from the education and narrowly carved my path out. However, this will be irrelevant if on the day of the exam I do not recall the other things that are just examinable but are not necessarily put to further use.

Just like the Grammy’s, there is no end to amassing the accolades. The other day I mentioned that I could speak a foreign language and the first thing the person asked was whether I had considered learning 4 other languages; mandarin because the Chinese have taken over our economy and it would be better if I am well equipped. My mind completely switched off after that hence I do not remember the other 3. In the same day I was being asked whether I had considered enrolling for a Professional Course and how that will help boost my employability now that I have the same accolades under my belt as everyone else who was taken for their internship in my current work place.

Some of these accolades are just amassed in the form of certification but the skills we should have been equipped with are long forgotten. Many of my friends have the DELF French Certification but they can barely put what the certificate says they hold into practice. I am probably heading in this same direction considering that I am forced to get a Certificate to prove my competency in a language I engage with every month for the past 7 years.

The other day I was being informed that the examining process is a little different from every day parlance. So one may know the language, speak the language but fail the language exam because of their parameters. ( after seating the exam, I beg to differ but this may be true for other exams)I wonder who thought assessments are the best way to prove knowledge. I am complaining about this as I take a break from my intensive revision that I hope bears the society accepted fruits.

August 1, 2021August 1, 2021

Bungee

In 2018 I came up with a bucket list and Bungee Jumping was one of the items in it. That Year I went ahead to do lots of items on the list. I tried Paint balling, GP Karting, and as I went through my list I realized I do much more and I came across things that were not on the list and did them anyway. The most daring thing back then was when my 2 friends and I attended the ASK(Agricultural Society of Kenya) Show and approached a stand that was not attracting as many people as it should. I cannot remember who suggested it but we found ourselves on the stage dancing to attract people. Dancing is not our forte but we did it anyway. As the crowd was coming in slowly, the emcee picked up the cue and asked the crowd who the best entertainer was. He started having dance battles from the crowd and awarding the winners with samples of their products. I remember getting hair food but most of all its the memory that I will treasure forever and I am sure my dance mates do.

As I worked through my list, I really wanted to get bungee jumping ticked off before the adrenaline rush waned. I saw a travel group that had planned to do bungee jumping later in the year. I quickly paid for reservation much as it would later conflict with the 1st hiking my classmates had planned. I convinced myself that bungee jumping was a worthy trade off and made peace with it. On the day we were to set off bunging, the organizer went kaput; completely out of radar. zero communication, phone calls not going through and I knew I was conned.

Lucky enough, the organizer also went to my University and I would see him laughing with his classmates wondering whether they know what a con he is. I followed him on Instagram and watched him go to all the nice places blowing off our hard earned cash. I shared the story with a couple of my friends and even pointed him out to them. They encouraged me to walk up to him and demand my money back because he clearly had a reputation to maintain around his peers and that is exactly what I did. I walked up to him, introduced myself and demanded my money. Right there and then he counted the six thousand shillings I had paid and gave it back. This was a whole one year later.

In 2020 I tried yet again with an unknown travel company. You must be wondering hadn’t I learnt my lesson. The thing is, I thought this was the most convenient way because I did not know how to get to Sagana and whether I could book to bungee alone; rather this is what I told myself. This time, the travel company had organized an overnight hotel booking so that after the activities we retire to a comfortable place. The difference was that we pay 3000Ksh for bed and breakfast but you only pay for the activities you engage in while we are there. I thought the deal was a steal because the picture of the hotel was serene and much as my gut told me that could not be in Kenya I decided to give benefit of doubt.

The activities listed on their Instagram advertisement included waterfall challenge, kayaking, bungee jumping, cycling, white water rafting among others. I was ready to break the bank holding my priced 40 bob coins because again this was a worthy cause. We get to Sagana, we stop at rapids camp but only two of us in the group were willing to part with more money and engage in the activities. the organizer said we cannot break the group because it will be difficult to manage and thus we were driven to the hotel where we were to spend the night and told that we could swim. I was already raging mad because nothing in this trip had gone according to plan. we were to leave Nairobi at 6am but we ended up leaving at 10am because people could not keep time and majority if not all of them were friends, my friend and I being the outsiders. The hotel of course looked nothing like the picture and now on top of that no Bungee Jumping. At least this time I actually got to Sagana but never to the Spot where Bungee Jumping was being done.

Third time must really be a charm. In July 2021, one of my friend’s friend that I follow on Instagram went Bungee Jumping for her birthday. It was also about that time that she decided to start her own travel and tours company. The minute she posted that she will be taking people for bungee jumping, I knew I was in. I immediately made payments and patiently waited for the day. This time things went smoothly and we got to our destination. We were 7 in number and a couple had arrived ahead of us so we were told to let them go first.

Julius the instructor was the icing on the cake. He read out instructions and informed us that each person has 5 minutes while up there. Once the gates are open, you have a minute to do the jump. If courage has not kicked in and you fail to take your leap of faith, you will be escorted down the stairs. He went ahead to say that he is not professionally trained but he has watched a couple of you tube videos thus he is good to go. While up there he holds a conversation with you. He asks you your name and what you do and if you would be comfortable that being your last conversation in case something goes wrong. I asked him have you done this before and he said I’m not crazy enough to jump from a 60m tower with feeble ropes attached to me. I assist the crazy people do it as I perfect my youtube earned skills.

My heart was thumping and I asked myself what in the world got me there. The view was spectacular and I wished I could just stand and watch but this was not an option at least not for long. Everyone else had already done their stunt and I was the last person up. I heard all the narration of their experiences but that did not prepare me. The girl in the couple was first and she freaked out. Her time lapsed and true to his word Julius had her esorted down. After seeing people do it, she became resilient and paid to have a second chance. I was proud of her because I knew she would feel bad if she never gets to do it.

While up there my trust issues resurfaced. I douted that Julius had properly tied the ropes that were to hold me. He fastened, I confirmed. I took the liberty of informing him how my parents just have 2 children and it would be prudent if I got back to them in one piece as they were not aware I was engaging in such a risky activity. My ‘friends’ down there started a countdown 10, 9, 8 and I knew I had to jump when they got to 1. Nothing prepared me for that moment. I was not ready when I made the jump but I did it anyway. I normally turn to yoga to empty my thoughts but bungee jumping does that too. The free fall was alarming, I screamt my lungs out. Then suddenly the rope remembers its function and holds you suspended; before you recover there is a recoil and you go back up. There is a time you even stand on air and you know this is it. I had several twists and turns and even forgot that I was to have my hands together after making the jump.

As you wait for the tow kayak to bring the rope that will be used to safely move you to the shore, you realize that Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the feeling that something else is more important than fear. People just do things scared but they do it anyway.

July 23, 2021July 25, 2021

The office Episode 2

The office was a series for a reason. All the things that happen in there have to be documented over time. When you think you have got the hang of it, ta da!

This week has really tried me.. one week in and I already have something to write. ( of course I never finished writing during that week ) I have decided to write lessons that I had to learn the hard way and maybe then they will stick.

Rule no 1. Do not make plans out loud. I remember this afternoon vividly. I had had a busy morning by busy I don’t mean running helter skelter busy, I changed departments and where I’m currently at, I can afford to smell the roses. Its not that there isn’t much to do here, Its because I came from a more demanding team where everything was urgent and needed a second ago. Having finished my deliverables, I went to talk about this and that just to sharpen my wits. I mentioned how things were going well for me and that my deadlines were always met. Between the walk from that office to my sitting area, I got phone calls and emails with instructions on what I was to work on. I did not leave the office late because with working from home my laptop and I are the office. We work from anywhere anytime and that’s how my not so busy time took a turn of its own.

Rule no 2. Cross the river at the shallowest. This is my mantra the whole year. I always strive to get work off my desk the earliest possible and so far so good. Its a bit of a balance between this and managing expectations because once people know things don’t sleep on your desk, they tend to push over the last minute work to you. After all, you have worked hard to prove time and again that you have a fast food chain same day delivery work ethic.

Rule no. 3 I will be done in just a moment means take a break. I know I did mention that my department allows me to smell the roses but knowing there are seasons and roses do not bloom all year round, the same applies to work. Every time someone has told me or I have told myself it will just be a moment, it becomes several moments. Our cleaner used to pity me on my first weeks at my first department. She would call me for snacks, she would offer to warm my food as she told me work never ends, I have to schedule my breaks. To date, this advice has saved me from developing ulcers and I tell my boss that I’m off to lunch. I can only eat so much so its a guarantee I will be back at my desk.

Rule no. 4 share but don’t reveal. There is a very thin line between office gossip and colleague bonding. Not to mention that we have various personalities with ulterior motives. It is quite unhealthy to always have your guard up expecting for someone to pounce. You’ll just have to trust your gut on this. If you think something is off, act cautiously.

Rule no. 6 its okay to screw up. Your first time won’t be your last. I remember how my colleague’s jaw dropped when I told her this. She was in a fit, judging herself harshly like I do. Today you make a mistake that you know is going to cost the company money and tomorrow another that is going to cost the company a client and your gut tells you today is the day you get laid off for that. You dread the confrontation and you willingly accept your fault and you are ready to pack up but that is exactly when you should stay. Growth at times comes from the most uncomfortable situations and we have to wait it out.

Rule no. 7. There is no job without hurdles. For some reason I used to think some people have it easy. That I would do what they do anytime without breaking a sweat. I would envy people who do online writing and think they make easy money. On a hectic day I envy the cleaner because there is nothing hard about cleaning or my boss because I would think all they do is delegate and supervise. I realized that the cleaner probably has a hard time and there are things in their line of work that they dread. Bosses have to take in a lot. They make hard choices that we never know about because they shield us. It is true that everyone is fighting battles we never know about.

Rule no. 8 clap for yourself. If you wait, others may never and you will be demoralised. Set your own parameters, your goals you are your truest coach. Remember only the shoe wearer can know where it pinches. Most times, I only get feedback if the work needs amending and the other times not even the computer generated well received. I do my best each time because success is rented not owned and rent is due every day.

Rule no 9. Plan your meet ups after work. You might be thinking, who has energy for that; not only will you but you will also get to feed off that energy. On my most stressful week, I pushed my two weekend meet ups to during the week after work. All week I was looking forward to that and it kept me going. On the day scheduled for my meet up, work was going overboard; it was one of those days that demanded putting in extra hours. I assured everyone that their work will be delivered on time but that I needed to leave the office. Not once during my meet up did I think of the work waiting for me when I got home. I enjoyed myself and headed home full of renewed energy. I’m sure the opposite is true that I would have hated whatever would have pushed me to cancel my plans.Getting away gives your mind and soul a breather so you can get back to the grind with a refreshed perspective.

Speaking of planning, sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith. Looking at my calendar, there is never room for working at the beach. I could go for weeks working remotely and when I tell myself perhaps this is the week to work from Coast I guarantee you the day will not end before I am needed to be physically present in the office. This is the shallowest of my rivers, other departments will never allow me this luxury.

Today has been one of those eye opening moments.. maybe I have been doing it all wrong, maybe there is no right way to do anything apart from just attempting. I was invited for a graduation ceremony and when I was accepting the invite, I literally had nothing on my desk much as I had gone the extra mile of offering my assistance. When I was about to leave for the graduation, my boss emails me that he needs some work done by C.O.B . Nevertheless, I decided to make an appearance even if I would have to work through the ceremony. I’m glad I did because on my way home, I see a picture posted in one of the whatsaap groups advertising the availability of my current job position. It is contract based anyway and I should not be shocked, I replaced someone in the same manner. Probably a good reminder that enjoy the present because this too shall pass. This just makes it to rule no. 10

June 11, 2021June 11, 2021

Bird Summons

A lady who has piqued my interest for the past two years declared this her current read. The Author’s name sounded familiar, I had purposed to read, I think I read the book, Kindness of enemies by her. I took up this book to have something in common with the lady. The book cover implores you to pick it up. It looks playful, a simple and easy ready.

The blurp was promising a story about three women who embark on a journey and through it they find themselves. Iman is in her early twenties, already married a couple of times and has no means of self sustenance hence the marriages. Moni is a wife who had given birth to a differently abled child and neglected her role as a wife to be a full time mother. She prides herself in that and feels that there is no greater honor than to be at her child’s beck and call. Some women might have been in this position or still are and I applaud the author for addressing this. Last is Salma who is happily married at least to the outsider but deep down she is fighting battles. Decades into her marriage, she still wonders whether she made the right choice. She stalks her first love on social media to see the life he is living and imagines herself in it.

There might seem to be a trend here of me only reading books about women, written by women and this is not orchestrated. I might have felt strongly about them or was bothered enough to write about them but in between reading city of girls and this, I read men without women by Haruki Murakami and the silent patient by Alex Michaelides.

By now you are accustomed to the way I conduct my reviews. To the new reader, I give snippets of conversations or pick lines from the book and in doing that, I aim to help you in decision making on whether or not to read the book. The lines I pick will not spoil your reading experience in any way if that is your eventual decision.

children can be rude to their parents but never to the waiter

I don’t know which parenting handbook gave this tip that well behaved children should be polite to strangers, people who provide services, adults in general but no emphasis on the parents. As a child one could get away with shouting at your parent but if you pulled the same action to another adult, you would never hear the end of it.

Every holiday was a threat… perfect length turned into indulgence, time sitting heavy on idle hands, the mind free to find fault with time left behind, too much friction between people, familiarity turning into contempt.

The next time you plan a holiday, make it short.. resist the urge of going for a week to Mombasa; three days two nights is adequate. I never thought of holidays as a threat but ever since I read that line that is all I see holidays as. Guests who overstay their welcome eventually leave when things have turned sour. All night spent in the clubs ( back in the day) turns friends to despicable people. When you look back and admit to yourself, you will agree with the author. At least we now know how to prevent that going forward.

For the three women who took the journey too long, they realized that there is freedom from pride and convention, freedom from the need to put on a brave face or pretend that things are not as bad as they appear to be. This is the only positive outcome of such long holidays; one gets to untangle the deeper feelings and if the process does not ruin the relationship in the process, it sweeps cobwebs off it.

The actions considered small and casual not the big ones carried on the peg of self righteousness. It was the small choices the characters had made in their lives that was thrown at them in their attempt to sweep off their cobwebs; questioning their righteousness. Mantra: Resist the urge of a week’s trip ; two nights are adequate.

For coming this far, here is an unpopular opinion from one of the characters: Isn’t marriage a form of religious sanctioned prostitution? She argues, prostitution involves someone giving their body in exchange of material gain. In marriage, much as the holy book says it is ordained for procreation, there is significant material gain and what of the married couples who cannot/ do not procreate, what is marriage for them?

May 29, 2021May 29, 2021

Falling…

I always thought it would be fast

I’d see you and my heart would just increase its beats per second.

I’d have butterflies all over, goosebumps I mean.

I thought you would take my breath away, you’d be running on my mind all day and I wouldn’t be able to think, sleep, eat, obsession is the word

I must not have fallen

It’s been quite steady, rational.

I think, I eat, I sleep, I don’t obsess over you (at least not yet)

Love you, I know I do.

It wasn’t how you look.

Mostly how you made me feel.

I was this new subject that you wanted to learn and pass the exam.

You would stop me in my tracks and ask questions.

You would follow me after class sessions and seek clarification.

You would tackle questions and bring them to me to asses your mastery of the subject.

It is the dedication you put that made me take a step back and realize I had always been looking forward to class sessions.

Because of you, I taught passionately, I knew you were keen.

I silently hoped and even prayed that you would find time to do the questions and bring my way to asses.

It was slow, subtle, but the effect was tremendous

Just the other day we barely knew of each other’s existence. Today we are inseparable. Constant phone calls, lots of take cares at the end of each quarter of the day as if we had not been doing that all along with no one to remind us. It has become unbearable to stay without being in each other’s presence for more than 3 days.

The honeymoon stage is over, just as predicted.

I’m wondering whether this, us, is too good to be true.

I want to break it, us before it breaks me.

I searched for reasons that would be the deal breaker; perhaps you snore and it might be loud and I’ll never get to sleep soundly again.

Is it that you drink too much, and reek of it.

You miss dates because you couldn’t wake up on time.

You promise what you do not deliver because your words don’t count.

Maybe money will be our problem, you make little and spend too much.

The mundane.. you worry too much, call too often, always thinking of the next thing we will do together and how much I would love whatever you have set yourself to spend on for me.

You have to call it off.. don’t you see.

I make it harder for you on a daily, harder to reach, harder to read, harder for you to tell whether I am done with you or you should bid more time.

The thing is, I fear…

I fear being the one on the other end, constantly calling, always spending time with you, losing my independence,

falling…

May 21, 2021

Writer’s bug, writing block

It finally got to me. I oft wondered why did writers quit on their craft. You get a good blog that resonates with you and one day they stop posting, it becomes one week, one month, one year then a blog that you used to know. I get tempted to reread the old posts and probably imagine what they could have written, what they should have written and why they can no longer write.

I got a new follower this month and I wondered oh my… I’m in a rut, content has not been coming to me much as I will myself to write. I am all about the dimples, the migraines and the aahs, they have all been there but not provoking enough to write about or too profound to be shared. I am still finding my voice here. Filtering between what should go in the journal, what is better said on the blog and what pieces should not be on paper trail yet.

The writer’s bug, its what caught me when I started the blog. Full of enthusiasm, full of life, full of stories to be shared; then, everything happening was a noteworthy piece. The writer’s block is what caught me now. What eventually happens to all the writers who stopped writing, nothing is good enough to be on paper. We start, 19 drafts sit on my page but drafts is all they are.

Today, P!nk’s album all I know so far came out. I like how she reinvented the old and two very unconventional pieces. Its an album of her old songs recorded live. There’s a start where she forgets the lyrics, and another where she hits the wrong pitch. I like how she apologizes to the pianist Jason because they have to go over it again. Like musicians do covers for songs written by other artists is there an equivalent for writers? I have come across a title done by two of my friends who have never crossed paths, writing about the same thing, in the same demographic but in completely different and somehow similar way. This reminds me of the take away essays we did for continuous assessments where each person was working on the same title but we came up with somehow different yet similar pieces.

From Pink’s album, I wanted to reinvent myself, give my old pieces a new voice, what probably all writers who have gone mute should do. Maybe I should do a cover of someone else’s piece; is that what we writers call a review… I don’t think we have a word for it yet or if we do I haven’t come across it because a review is closer to a trailer in the film world.

Just wanted you to hang in there, sooner or later the writing gods will visit me with content I will be happy to share. In the meantime, you could play P!nk’s album as I will. If you read, Oprah’s all I know for sure is the literary form of P!nk’s Album.

love and light

April 24, 2021

City of girls

I had no idea what to expect when I picked up this book but it delivered. I have read books by the author before but none were like this. Committed which is a memoir and that I would recommend left me with bouts of wisdom. My next read was big magic which to me is a self help book particularly to channel your creative side and she mastered the writing there. I could not pick up eat pray love, I have watched the movie and I cannot tell which part elated readers across the world because that effect truly passed by me. I know people who swear by that book are about to kill my prose here but hear me out please. After all this writing is about city of girls.

Now that I think about it, I did have some thoughts on the book before reading. A book by a woman about women, a city of them; I was in for friendships, romance, and just being carried away by the lives of other women for the 467 pages. I knew the book was the right choice out of my rut from the very first page, it was addressed to me and all along it felt like I was seated in a plush sofa, getting a whiff of the burning sea salt and orchid candle and Elizabeth was narrating the story ( rather Vivian Morris).

How do I not mention the prologue! It read

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm
Colette

I like atypical stories, stories about people who do not conform to societal expectations. Stories about people who are free, wild, doing foolish things with enthusiasm. People who let that inner child out and go about their lives as everyone should, like it is theirs and only theirs to make something of, anything. stories about glamour, partying, meeting who is who and finally drifting back to your close knit circle, doing what you passionately love which most of the time is a hobby that you made a career out of and that allows you to enjoy the frivolities of life while touching people’s lives with your unique talents.

The conversations in this book are so real. There is a way Elizabeth clothes you in the characters and in that line, you are one. I loved the show business; in the middle of the war the conversation in this book is about how other people’s lives were going on. those engaging in debauchery were still at it, we felt the loss of loved ones who had gone in the army, families being separated, careers changing, patriotism, critique of the government, it is all in there around the light heartedness of plays at the lily house.

In this book I lost myself and I found myself. I finally unearthed what it was that I really wanted and what that meant. From it I wrote one of the truest entries in my journal and I now see life with a certain clarity I lacked before the 467 pages. I am not promising that you will have the same outcome, but you will lose yourself in it and you will be entertained by it.

I never start a book without reading the dedication and I’m only done with it after reading the acknowledgements. I want to know how the journey was writing the book and appreciate the people who made it come to life by reading their names. I am glad to know that the unabashed sensuality and independence was someone’s true life story. I am grateful for the depths Elizabeth took to capture their intricacies; there was literally a corresponding human version that birthed each character in the book. My personal favourite was the mention of Doris Day whose music I have just come to enjoy.

Much as the setup is in the 1940s, the book will be enjoyed by both the young and old. The old will be filled with nostalgia and the young with a deeper appreciation of the ninety’s. There is literally nothing new under the sun and what you think was just recently invented is a practice that has been long in existence and you are just late to the party.

‘ girls who are about to get married are always afraid. They’re afraid that they don’t love their fiancés enough or that they love them too much. They’re afraid of the sex that is coming to them or the sex that they are leaving behind. They’re afraid of the wedding day going awry. They’re afraid of being looked at by hundreds of eyes- and they’re afraid of not being looked at, in case their dress is all wrong or their maid of honour is more beautiful ‘

The book is this raw I tell you. ‘ You must learn in life to take things more lightly my dear. The world is always changing. Learn how to allow for it. Someone makes a promise and then they break it. A play gets good notices, and then it folds. A marriage looks strong, and then they divorce. For a while there’s no war, and then there’s another war. If you get too upset about it all, you become a stupid, unhappy person -and where’s the good in that?

Last conversation I leave as I hope you will get a hold of the book and be equally awed.

“Good for him, give him a trophy for it , but don’t marry a man just because he’s nice. And try not to make a habit of getting engaged in the first place, it can lead to marriage if you’re not careful.“

You will be in for such subtle humour, and good rinsing of your eyeballs if you allow.

April 18, 2021April 30, 2021

Grown up dreams

Grown ups dream too. Why do we limit wishful thinking to kids? An adult is rarely asked what do you want to be? I know they do ask in interviews where you see yourself in five years but this is more to see whether you are aligned to the company’s vision. Do not mistake this for an invitation to build castles in the air. The answers expected are more towards career progression, the value addition to both the company and yourself so that you can be considered an asset they would be desirous to acquire and fully exploit for those 5 years as your unspoken true goals continually take a back seat.

Would anyone willingly work if they had an alternative means of survival? Yes but I bet it would be in a much relaxed setup either in terms of time given or the days they report to work. In Nairobi most people work to earn enough for taxes and rent. The other basic needs i.e food and clothing are luxuries. Tala and debts at mama mboga are how people go by.

The middle class form of relaxing is watching influencers show them parts of their town they cannot access. Back in the day, people used to pay each other a visit during the weekends and that sufficed as good as a vacation at Bora bora. ( Check out Dave mani’s Youtube channel and instagram handle) It took a Canadian moving to Kenya to give us proper access to the insides of Villa Rosa a place majority of Nairobians have passed by severally.

It is becoming more difficult to do those home visits. Most families are already struggling and it would be inconsiderate to add them another mouth to feed. Moreover, do you have the package? In Kenya, the unwritten rule when visiting people’s homes is to carry the essential shopping consisting of sugar, tea leaves, milk and bread ( wheat flour and rice) if you can afford. When you do the math, one would rather reach for their phone and top up 100ksh credit and hopefully you get a storo bonus while at it to catch up with the people you cannot afford to visit.

The other day amidst all the studying I asked myself, why am I really working hard? to get a good job was the answer.

Then what next? so I can afford all the things I like in life and never worry about finances.

Is there another way to achieve the things you like in life?

Yeah, if only I was a fitness model. I would finally go to the gym because my job depends on it. Then I ( insert my photographer) would take lots of cute pictures for the gram because miraculously I would become photogenic and he/she would know the right filters to use. My followers would rapidly increase then I would become a brand influencer and get all those high end athleisure products I am working hard to get a well paying job so that I can afford. The icing on the cake would be all the unhealthy foods I would be able to eat without any evidence left on my body.

what next?

I would diversify my brand, get on any business that deals with the human body. I would get luxury perfumes, watches, body butter, face masks, spa treatments, jewellery, wigs , ~~celebrity~~ influencer status and meetings on the right table. I would pose nude for an artist somewhere and get the image sculpted and replicated all over the world as dummies for the athleisure products I advertise. Maybe then I would freely walk in the high fashion impractical clothing because I will be living in the right cities where I would not be worried about being groped or assaulted and with the whole team working behind me, I would be safe from predators at all times.

The best part about it, I would be free to explore all the other things I like. I would read more books, I would take courses just for the sake and not because my future depends on it, I would travel, I would learn about different cultures and cuisines, I would do all activities under the sun; paragliding, skiing, surfing you name it. I would afford to live in different cities every so often and I would rent and own apartments with the best views and amenities.

I would start a foundation that enables people do what they love with the guarantee that you have a place to stay and the more things you try the higher your allowance and once you find what you are good at, you perfect it and teach others and learn more. The foundation would have apartments in different cities, an establishment like Qwetu but for the fun and spirited people.

Because we are in the middle of a pandemic and my dream is taking effect in this context, I would just pull a Dave Mani on y’all. I would take staycations in the lovely hotels that are now operating on reduced rates to keep their lights on. I would go to the desert in Malindi, Hike Mt Kenya, take a balloon ride across the Mara, swim in Ngare Ndare as I await the dolphins to come sometime in September.

Nice, so what is holding you back?

The thing about me is that I dream. This is just one of them. The one that isn’t too big to scare you into thinking my senses have taken leave of me. Dreaming is really a part of me and dream big I will.

April 7, 2021April 7, 2021

Qué sera sera

At the end of the day, all reading will depend on what my brain chooses to remember on the exam day. After that, it depends on the examiners mood and how strict or lenient they choose to be.

There are only so many ways you can cross your legs and just a few postures to shift from.

Time still runs out whether you are in the 5am club or not.

Getting things done, well that depends.

I have tried reading several units a day each spanning just 2 hours. I changed to understanding units per topic. I later added going through past papers to get the feel of the exam and scrapped all that for jogging my memory to see whether I remember the points read and if I could explain them in my own words.

Will I ever be ready?

Do I want exams pushed an extra week?

What if I just get it over and done with?

I could read everything, understand everything. Interpreting the question well would definitely add me marks and the icing on the cake would be remembering everything I read and seemed to understand. At the end of the day, it heavily depends on the examiner, their mood, how lenient or strict they choose to be

Qué sera sera … what will be will be.

March 19, 2021March 19, 2021

The viral post that will land me my byline in a weekly newspaper.

How does this title sound for someone practising praying for rain while under an umbrella, not Riri’s. This is what will make me feel on top of the world. Those newspapers that are slowly being phased out because millennials and gen z prefer tea served by Edgar Obare. I cannot remember the last time I used one to clean my windows since the upgrade to a window cleaner spray that does magic and one just needs a lint free cloth to wipe the dirt off. My butcher also upgraded to some foil like sheet so it is really obsolete but there is still where I want my byline.

I write notes, I write lists, in 2020 I have even written conversation points for my audio messages. I have written cards, accountability lists, journal entries and class notes. This is an interview of myself by myself for the writing Feature on me. (Ps this is a 2020 draft I wrote)

Importance of preparing yourself for the conversations you will have with the people you would like to meet one day– it is not far fetched, these things do happen. Speaking from experience, 2018 must have been a gold mine for me. I had the opportunity to speak to my celebrity crush on phone and much as I wasn’t dumbfounded, I could have been better prepared for it. Of course he will not remember any of this as it wasn’t a life changing moment for him as it was for me. I quizzed him trying to get his bluff because, how could that just happen.. I mean is it really you, an alter ego, a parallel universe version in alternate reality that is aware of what happened but not my version of you. ( too much science fiction reading)

Meeting Hon. Lady Justice Joyce Aluoch whom I had been admiring from afar and all I did was congratulate her for the many achievements and ask the number one question every reporter asks; what advice would you give someone who looks up to you? If this isn’t the universe giving me a sign to be ready for who I want to meet because I will, I am still taking it as that sign. Hence, I am prepping for the interview I will have once I am featured.

If you could make a trend, what would it be? I would substitute the questions asked in normal parlance for the below questions in an attempt to make better conversation by being direct.

what is making you happy today?
how is your day? ( Note: it is different from how have you been)
what is your idea of happiness?
what were you thinking of before drifting to sleep?
what was the first thought on your mind this morning?

I think the above questions give you an insight into the person without them feeling vulnerable. Of course with time, the person will open up to you and the answers will definitely vary depending on who is asking and the relationship the two of you have and that is better than the blanket How have you been? that everyone throws around.

How writing twice a month has been– It was a leap of faith especially since I had not been writing before for an audience. I am impressed by the content I managed to channel out each month and most importantly the feedback I am constantly receiving. I always start clueless, some months I generate content faster than others. there are pieces that I write and publish immediately and others that sit on the draft being edited until they feel right. Others never feel right so their stay on the draft has been long overdue while other times I just put it out and let it be.

Do I have a favorite piece– Each piece is different, I like the thought process that gave birth to each distinct piece and I always marvel at the end product. I get anxious when the month is coming to an end and I have not written good content and think the Gods of creativity have failed to shine their face upon me.

A Particular writing time or place – Literally anywhere as long as my fingers itch to type. I am mostly inspired by my experiences, environment, things I watch or content I read. When I am writing on my laptop, that content was well thought out. Drafts on my phone or tablet are the ones that are inspired in the spur of the moment and I feel that If I do not write there and then, I| would lose it. One time I had a sleepless night but it gave birth to a unique piece of writing inspired by the music I was listening to in a bid for it to lull me to sleep.

How I feel about the performance of a post– I am always in awe when a post gets views and likes. There are two kinds of writings, those I write for myself and the kind I write for enjoyment by others. What is constant in the two is that there will be a message either to myself or others. Even the message that is meant for me still resonates with others and that in itself is a win. I am passionate about acquiring knowledge and I use every opportunity I have to impart that knowledge to others. Having someone view or go to the extent of liking that is pure bliss.

My take on compliments; how I respond to them– it depends on the person and the thing being complimented on. There are those you know for sure are genuine and the thing speaks for itself so oh yeah.. Thank you! I do recognize it as well. Very few get me off guard.

How writing has changed my perspective on things – I notice the creative process behind every work of art i.e script writing, song writing etc. I study how the person writes which then reflects in their output. I appreciate the effort that went in putting forth that work. I notice when one is inspired by what they are going through and when they choose to create an alternate universe for themselves and just create from inspiration.

What I think I need to work on -the notion that I need to be right all the time and learning better ways of expressing myself. I have learnt that I cannot contain my thoughts and feelings; maybe for a while, a very short while but eventually I just let it out. I do not like being inconvenienced or being the one who has to be the bigger person all the time hence why I really need to always create and see the third option.

I tend to be very sure of myself even where there is uncertainty. I notice people who have wavering faith in their knowledge and wonder why they would expect someone else to believe in themselves when they do not.

Pet peeve– When someone does something wrong then they apologize, I hate the reply it’s okay because it wasn’t, it isn’t and it shouldn’t be okay. For instance someone spilling something on you or stepping on you or whatever they have done, I always feel like saying better watch your way next time or be more careful but that would be considered rude so I slowly murmur its okay, low enough for my conscience not to prick me about it even though it does.

How reading over 30 books a year has influenced my life– I have become very open minded. This would also be thanks to the course I took up on Harvard edx on the different schools of thought and how they arrive at their conclusions.

What I have learnt so far– Everything is a choice and the more options available for you, the better life is. I am always striving to increase my options because comfort comes from the freedom of choice. In 2021 I am heavy on the soft life and constantly aligning my choices to my idea of happiness.

Lastly, to close this interview, what are your last words – I hope everyone realizes the power they have in them. The power to do good and be good. I am slowly realizing the power of the tongue and I believe we can manifest things into existence. The universe really does conspire to get us what we really want as Paulo Coelho says in the Alchemist . Dream big, think big, we are only as limited as our thoughts. The people we surround ourselves with, the things we watch and read, what we expose ourselves to has an impact on the kind of thoughts we have.