mashkiz

August 30, 2024August 30, 2024

Five Years

I can finally relate to all the people who say time flies and it was just the other day when…

Its been 5 years of writing my thoughts, experiences, musings, book reviews

5 years of you reading and liking

5 years of growth, 5 years of ideas, 5 years of posts each month, 5 years of leaving pieces of me and still being whole.

5 years of sharpening my writing, my reading, my clarity of thought, my diction

5 years of us

Yesterday during my lunch break, I visited a scents shop and the lady told me how she got the business idea during covid. She had contracted covid and was in isolation for 10 days. In the duration she got to learn about candles and became obsessed. She loved the excitement of playing around with scents, creating something to be experienced and most importantly to convey messages when words have departed. This will be a trip down the lane for you but I will save you the trip by tagging the post of my similar idea which I had then and shared with the lady Purposeful gifting. She was kind enough to ask me to notify her when I actualize my dream and she encouraged me that there is enough room for everyone. Who knows, maybe you will stock my products if you will not have started your own.

The Gift barn makes the most divine candles I have come across and their rustic packaging is the cherry on top. They definitely are in the caliber of sand + fog. The beauty of scents is that our mind attaches them to people, places and events. When I boil rice with rosemary leaves, the smell takes me back to my mother’s kitchen in my high school days and the feeling is so real. The Gift barn shop had a candle whose name I forget but unmistakably reminded me of my dad. I asked the lady if it was inspired by a male perfume and she said could be, and she has heard a lot of her customers make reference to that. A kid had recently mentioned that the candle smells like papa.

Being at the shop evoked my yearning to see my creation come to life, having people buy my idea, people willing to spend on something I love passionately. I was beating myself up for not taking the leap and starting my gifting business venture then I remembered I had just recently celebrated 5 years of pouring into my blog. This blog is my labour of love. It is the gift that keeps giving and anytime I need proof of my commitment to a course I believe in, it looks right back at me. The commitment I have to my plants, to my yoga practice, to journaling, to always finding space for the things I love and that keep me grounded, all that makes me.

Much as I allow myself to take a break from all the things that make me, I get back on track and allow myself to pour some more into them. On my 5th anniversary, I commit to ensure that yoga, writing and journaling will forever be my coping tools wherever I go.

August 30, 2024

Boyfriend for hire

Cab driver

I step out of my gate and find him holding the door.

Hello, how long have you been standing in this cold?

Long enough to be the first to ..

Ah, you flatter me.

Don’t be modest. I know you get such complements all day. Is that Frank Olivier?

Yes!! You know your scents..

Waiter

I know he’s not mine but he can be just for a while.

What will you have he asks, as I sit right across him staring at the menu.

I have no idea, I tell him. I want something sweet, savoury. I want something filling because I’ve had a long day.

You could try the beef steak, medium rare. I know!! That’s not a Kenyan thing but you’ll never know how good it tastes. Remember how the sunny side up changed your egg preference? He asks

Well, that was a gamble. I don’t know how you got me to try that. Today I’m not in the mood of accomodating things as they are. I just want some familiarity with a tinge of explosion in my taste buds. I want to know what I’m eating while being unable to explain how the flavour is overworking my glands.

Sawa.. do you trust me to make your order?

I haven’t known him for long I think but the thrill of having someone else get my taste right even though there is a possibility he could get it wrong makes me leap at that chance. If one more thing goes wrong, it’s just that day.

Sure, go ahead.

Shop attendant

You know it’s been 10 min of your eyes darting from one Journal to another

Yes, I can’t seem to make a choice. I like the cover on one but the size of the other is more economical.

How about I get one for you and you pay for the other

Really…

Yes, you know you just have to ask. We have a sale coming up on the fourteenth, I could reserve it and maybe give you a call incase you forget.

The lines don’t get smoother than this. (this has been sitting in drafts from 28th August 2020 unimproved).

August 30, 2024March 6, 2025

Everything is not Enough

Lola Akinmade Akerstrom in her sequel Everything is not Enough a continuation from In Every Mirror She is Black continues proving that all people are six or fewer social connections away from each other. She has maintained a great pace in the book, she takes time to walk us through the lives of each of the three main characters and their social circles. This book was a huge relief that literature writing has something going for it after reading 3 books that need much work on them.

You’ll enjoy the book more if you start with the prequel. I wrote my own predictions on how the story would end and I was revisiting my notes having finished the book. I’m glad to know I was not completely off tangent but girl, seems like I am scarred. I write that Tina’s phone call to Kemi revealed something because there has to be a story behind Tobias only being in 2 long term relationships before her and either does not materialize in marriage and further that Tobias has never told Kemi he loves her.

proceed if you do not mind spoilers

Turns out the phone call from Tina was only to check on Kemi and set up a lunch date because she wanted to see her and understand why Kemi would hurt Tobias that much. Thankfully Kemi has God on her side with the pregnancy because it would be a terrible shit show. I predicted that Kemi would get a less demanding job, smaller position and that she learns to appreciate lagom.

I am of course happy to have correctly predicted that Astrid is the problem in Johnny’s life. It is also good that the book does not tie all ends and there is lot of room for the characters to determine how their story ends. I see Brittany-Rae fashion collection being a house hold name, heck I think it already is.

Notable mentions from the book:

Saloon conversations – How they make saloon trips therapeutic because the clients get to talk and hear stories about other people and much as they hate the prodding by the saloonists, the saloonists in their efforts to understand and get to know their clients ask them questions akin to a therapist that get them thinking even after they leave the saloon. Kemi leaves the saloon not only looking good but also motivated to take up space and light the world with her being.
The reminder that women need to always take care of themselves. Kemi was feeling bad because of her actions and losing a good man because she did not trust his love which felt too easy and too effortless. In a bid to find excitement, we mess up. Kemi shares that the person who once made her shiver with desire makes her shudder with disgust. At the time, It felt that she had a chance with Ragnor, there was an illusion that the feeling between them was mutual, he was her equal. After a series of dating men who are considered beneath her finally she has the attention of someone at her level. Kemi stops punishing herself and in just making minor adjustments to her dressing and appearance, she is able to regain control of her life. We see the same with Yasmiin when she stops being a house wife and starts doing hair and makeup. She is exposed, she makes money for herself. Muna is also impacted when Yasmiin does her hair and make up and she sees herself as a beautiful girl worthy of love.
Mistakes as women are unforgiveable. I’ll first explain this from the Netflix Series Desperate lies. The husband cheats on the wife and she finds out. the wife begs him to stay so that they work things out but instead the husband flees to spend the weekend with the accomplice. The wife tries calling him severally but all her calls are unanswered. Her best friend tells her that she needs to go out and forget about her worries for a night which she obliges. Unfortunately while out, her best friend leaves her with what she had deemed as good hands but the guy ends up giving her ecstasy and she is completely blacked out and he rapes her. The husband comes back home and requests for another chance and he says they put what happened behind them. The woman agrees but unfortunately the wife’s “mistake” is unforgiveable years down the marriage. Kemi loses her job, she is cut off in her social circles, she sees judgement in everyone’s eyes while Ragnor takes a trip to find himself, comes back home to a loving wife and is offered a job at the same place Kemi was fired knowing well that Ragnor was complicit in Kemi’s actions.
Learning that Yoruba ( an ethnic group inhabiting Nigeria, Benin and Togo) have the highest frequency of twin births in the world.

The book’s title is a clear depiction of what the book addresses. For Brittany- Rae its not enough that she married a wealthy man, Its not enough that his name can open doors. She is black and even with the family connections, she needs an outsider to get her footing in the fashion world. For Kemi her work, her family, her friends, are not enough, until she learns her lesson. For Yasmiin being a housewife is not enough, for Yagiz being a Kingpin is not enough, he is still taken down by a close friend.

Muna’s story has a beautiful twist. Her dream has always been to go to university and have a degree in Finance. It does not happen for her in Sweden, Despite being in proximity with Kemi and Brittany they do not really know her, she gets a second chance in life and it opens up new possibilities for her. Its a shame that without her accident it does not seem she would have had this possibility.

Coming back to this draft months later and highly thinking that this writing style lost the reader who has not read the book, my bad, but maybe it works like a blurb and you now want to read the two books. The books are not a waste of your time. Also while reding about immigrants settling in their country of choice, definitely pick up Lucky Girl by Irene Muchemi.

May 31, 2024

May

Books

This month’s Book Club read was Circe by Madeline Miller . I still remember the discussion we had around its pronunciation. I pronounce it as sass, a fellow book club member pronounced it as s-i-r-s-i, we were informed google pronounced it as suh. see, take your pick.

The book is way out of my comfort zone. I struggled with the Greek mythical characters, personification is not my forte. I am happy to announce that despite the difficulty I finished the book!!!! Announcing this gives me so much joy. It is proof of my endurance, resilience, commitment to the book club, and dedication. I will definitely have this as an example at my next job interview.

The member who suggested said she wanted us to read about strong female characters and true to her word, the book is all about women empowerment without trying too hard at it. We first see Circe’s helplessness and inconsequential existence. She is finally thrown out of the palace and condemned to live in a deserted island by herself. The most impressive thing about the island to me was how supplies never ran out and dirt cleaned itself up. This could make a good modern day fairy tale; most women just want to be. To live their best lives and not worry about the mundane tasks that take up much of our time. The cooking and cleaning men are not subjected to despite women also doubling as bread winners, home finance managers and investment decision makers.

I admired the names the writer came up with for the characters’, they were very befitting of the Greek mythology narrative. The pace of the book was alright, the tidbits of surprises would keep most people going (but me). Much as my reading experience was difficult, I am glad that I know Circe’s story and you too should.

I love June’s book club read, Confessions of Nairobi Men by Joan Thatiah. I have wanted to read this book because of the hype in the Kenyan market and the opportunity to hear men’s stories. Well, It would be better if the book was written by a man but a win is a win, at least we get to read the stories.

Work

A steady growth curve. These days scrap that, I always stand up for myself. This year I have had opportunities where I needed to remind colleagues of boundaries, mutual respect and work ethic. I have gone through the roller coaster of questioning the meaning of life and wishing I could be my own boss to enjoying the perks of an employee and realizing that self employment has its downside.

Life

My face is beaming at the thought of celebrating my birthday tomorrow. I am looking forward to opening my birthday gifts, I sure will get a slice of Art Caffe’s rose something cake. That in itself is growth… chocolate fudge cake has been a birthday staple and celebratory cake since my 19th birthday. The Art caffe cake was gifted by my friends in March and I have never wanted to eat a whole cake by myself until I had a bite of that one. Dear friends, thank you so much for the plug.

On Tuesday I was rather disappointed that I did not have a plan in place on how I will celebrate the day. I came up with a plan then abandoned it, all I know for sure is that I want to look good in a new outfit preferably that will be as new as the day I am born. I want to eat good food, I want to do an activity or two and eat cake.

AOB

Lately I am happy, I am content with my choices in life, I am humbled by some life experiences but mostly I am changing. I am becoming aware of moments when my anger is building up and I decide whether to feed it or let go. I am grateful of the beautiful moments I am experiencing alongside my friends, I am being challenged with decisions that I have to make, I am praying. ( Listen to Nyashinski’s time of my life)

I tried recreating a KFC Chicken recipe and it backfired bigtime. Luckily, I cut my loss early enough and changed tactic so that most of the chicken was still edible. I had major success recreating a pasta dish that I had at a restaurant on valentine’s. The restaurant menu was haphazard and the pasta was being served after the main course (feel free to let me know if I am the one who is clueless about dining etiquette). I felt they wanted to justify the cost of the valentine’s menu considering the price was increased from the previous year’s yet the menu options were limited. This creamy pasta with chicken, mushroom and cheese is comfort food and thinking about it leaves me feeling enveloped in a hug. I should not be spoiling for a fight but I only got the recipe after talking about the pasta and thanks to the Instagram microphone, it appeared on my suggestions. The recipe was in Turkish but thanks to the see translation option, I was able to know the ingredients.

That being all from me, remember to have your heaven down here.

April 29, 2024

Twenty Fine and Stock Taking

Have you been in someone’s mind.. not on, forget those people who claim they have been thinking about you I mean literally treading, opening and closing drawers or tabs, leaving footprints. You are just about to get in mine and I am debating how far to let you in. This is when the other shoe drops. When you realize there really is nothing more than meets the eye.

My excitement has been building up as we get closer to this day. Excitement and Fear.. Fire and Ice. It is chilling, I get goosebumps all over and immediately, I feel a sweat trickle down my armpits then I have to breathe in to regain composure. At 23 my tagline was childlike joy, at 24 traveling light. For frequent AYP yogis this is something that Zablon says in his classes among others and they stick with me. At 25 I want to unlearn and relearn. Just because I am past an age does not mean that the tagline too remains in the past, I hope that once adopted, it becomes a part of me.

The drive to have childlike joy is what pushed me to write the things that make me happy. The list is filled with the mundane. I also learnt to choose joy and I am currently learning that there is joy in choosing the easy path.

Traveling light has not been easy. At first I did it selfishly. I would not want to be burdened with any emotion so instead of dealing with it, I would share with the one who caused it so that it burdens both of us. Traveling light has me unpacking. I unpack my days, I unpack my truths, I unpack things that do not settle well with me. Traveling light has me letting go of what no longer serves me frequently.

It is really nothing about the journey, what happened and what did not.. it is all about who the process has made me to be. Writing this has also been a process, I wanted the post up on my actual birthday but time took its course and the prose paused. Three books, one series, solo EDM dance party, a quiet week by myself and finally progress.

While learning and unlearning, I got things to work on. In May I worked on choice. At a given moment, should I choose to be right or choose to be happy. Elisabeth Eliott in her book Let me be a woman writes that a grown woman realises that saying yes to happiness often means saying no to yourself.

I was up in arms the entire May because I wanted to choose myself and be happy. As the month came to an end, I found the wisdom in losing a battle so as to live and fight another day. The wisdom in choosing my battles and losing them so that I can win the war. My assignment this month is to find myself. Find out the core of my existence at least the version that has not been tampered by my upringing and experiences; enneagrams call it my soul child.

The journey to learn and unlearn began early in the year but since then I was only tilling the land, there was not much to write home. I can say this rainy season has been timely because I have sown the seeds. I am watering my shed in case the rains are not sufficient and when it’s time to bring in the sheaves I will be sure to come rejoicing.

Twenty fine literally took the bull by its horns. The life-changing experiences are usually a clarion call that should be headed. There comes a time when one can no longer sit on the fence, when the foundations of your belief are tested and you have to wade in murky waters. It is the deconstruction that happens, that will never be me becoming a possibility and seeing things without the rose-coloured glasses.

I always thought I needed to go where no one knows me where I can re-invent and be my authentic self to know who I am in the absence of family and friends who have expectations. I thought I needed to face certain types of challenges that would shake my essence to the core. I am glad to have de-mystified this belief and had to deal with a grey area to separate the black and white.

Reading this just a week before my birthday and realizing I never finished the post and how cryptic some of the paragraphs are. If I thought then when I was only half-way in that my 25th took the bull by its horns the rest of the year followed suit. I am writing this as I am sheepishly happy despite all. Today kicked my ass and I just wanted to scream and it validated what I say in passing that I want a husband who can provide for me so that I can take vacations as and when need be which as an adult is everyday. Budgeting has me raking my brains on every single coin and I would want that to stop. I think fashionable step-mum is living her best life and I want to be poised, affording brands that accentuate my body, and good makeup brands.

What I have unlearnt in a nutshell: ( How I wish I finished writing). This is me picking up this post a month to my 27th birthday. I am days shy from meeting my this month’s post deadline and I am considering taking a break, leaving the party early before I get shit faced and you all forget about my really good posts and just remember me as the writer who was struggling with consistency and kept churning posts. Reading my thoughts at different stages in life is my main motivation.

At 26, I have learnt the power of the tongue, things I casually said have come to pass. I am happy I do realize what I spoke into existence but I am more worried about the things I spoke in anger. I still get upset a bit too easy for my liking and I want to manage my reaction when I get upset. I am learning to filter advice from the diverse sources and a friend gifted me a literal sieve to help with the process. I am enjoying the beauty of life, my life is becoming easy in ways I did not even imagine. I am living my fairytale and realizing that there is a price too for that.

Life is beautiful. My mom really prepared me for this life and it was a nuisance back then. I smile in the ease I have in practicing what she taught. I know that my daughter too will vehemently oppose but like my mum says, I will be at peace when the time comes knowing that she is ready. 27 looks promising. I am starting a new chapter in life, a chapter I am ready to experience and I open my arms ready for the blessings, the lessons, the abundance life has in store for me. My tagline, having a little heaven down here.

Having a little heaven down here will entail, being slow to anger, channeling my childlike joy to keep me going, travelling light because I need only submit my things in prayer and leave it to God. I have to unlearn and relearn because to have heaven on earth I need to be more Christ like. I am seeing myself celebrating more; the more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. When we are popping a champagne bottle we will be celebrating my little heaven down here.

Here is to 27, my little heaven down here 🥂✨

March 31, 2024

To my girls

I am really cutting it close with this post. I am writing feeling exhausted as I have been traveling and since I waited until the very last day of the month, I have to keep at it unless I want to lose my 5 year long streak of having a post each month. I miss the days I would be inspired enough and churn up to three posts in a month. before today, I lacked content to write and I was ready to lose my streak instead of writing for the sake. I hope I keep writing long enough because going back to each of the published posts show my growth in terms of thought process and beliefs.

On 15th August 2022, I ended the post to my girls with what I thoughts girls my age needed to hear, the quote read:

BTW live life the way men do… the audacity, the entitlement, so carefree. I actually respect these creatures… men will always choose themselves. Wewe shinda hapo tu

I am finding it so difficult to express my thoughts. I have been wondering where I should share it as a letter to my future self and make it public for others to benefit, to journal it out or write a blog post here. My problem is I am uncomfortable giving my opinion lest I am later forced to mince my words. I have come across a line I wrote and thus, the opinion shared is my current best until I know better.

Allow me to leave this here with the hope that I shall settle the debate that is going on in my mind and agree on what to write in the three avenues. Until then we maintain the streak for another month.

Cheers!

February 27, 2024

Literature

The title sounds so academic but it is the best I could come up with to cover the three things I would like to write about.

The weekend after valentine's, I watched a play titled an Ideal Husband by Igiza Arts Production. It is not the title of the play that drove me to buy the ticket, neither is it the producers of the play, but knowing that it is an adaptation from Oscar Wilde and trusting the capability of the Producers and the director who is well known to me, I knew I had to have a ticket. I considered reading the book before watching the play but my hands were full as I had 3 other books that I needed to finish within the month, I ended up watching the play having not read the book and I was thoroughly entertained.

Of the three books I was reading, I managed to finish Lucky Girl by Irene Muchemi. I loved the pace of the book, the coming to age storyline, the experiences Soila had being born and bred in Kenya and getting an opportunity to study in the USA. I bet my Kenyan friends with similar fates would relate to her experiences, if only I can get them to read the book. I am having trouble freely addressing my reservation about the book, mostly because I already know the critic that would come from it. At this juncture in my writing, I cannot ruffle feathers and much as it bothered me while reading the book, it did not prevent me from enjoying the author's work, her first.

There is much I am dying to talk about but I feel gagged because I would spoil it for those who intend to read, which I think you should. Was Soila really Lucky? How has our Kenyan upbringing affected our values as adults and the choices we make? The African setting of having family around and their approval and how growing up detached from one side of the family impacts our lives. The position of 'the second family' and how one choses whether or not to relate with them.  The choice of a partner and how much family approval should weigh in on that choice. How can we create a family from two individuals with glaring differences in their beliefs, and culture?

I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends about the last question and she strongly believes that two people cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. Her position is hinged on Amos 3:3 and 2nd Corinthians 6:14 which says  "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" I shall leave it at that as this is a conversation that requires more depth.

My book club read for the month was Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden.  I really struggled with this one. I had tried reading it before and it proved difficult even then. My book club members encouraged me to just start page one and I was happy to have reached page 190. The tea parties were too many for me and the process for each was similar, she gets an invitation, she dresses up, we learn about the guests present and the conversations they have, and then there is the next tea party or even up to three in  a day and then we repeat, or have breaks when she is learning.

There is a lot of plotting by the characters. I thought office politics is where it is at but I could sure learn a thing or two from the Geishas'. The discussion about the book sure did heighten our perception. Going in, only two members had been thrilled by it but through the discussions, we realized there was more depth to the book and the characters and indeed there was much to love. It was my first seating where I had not finished a book, I did not mind the spoilers and I feel that I would have been satisfied if I had read it all the way to the end.

The writing style is highly descriptive, the people who help Sayuri along the way each have something they are getting. We see how naivety affects our choices and how unfortunate being constantly exposed to schemers develops you into a schemer. We loved it when a character finally learnt how to play the game. We loved it when a poorly written character still had a role to play, we loved discussing the long game and grappled answering if the best thing and worst thing that happened to a character was an encounter they had. Sayuri's humor is really a plus for the book.

We never got to discuss our beliefs in consulting an almanac to know auspicious days. From the book it seemed that our actions or inactions although inconsequential at first glance affect our destinies. I will leave you with the book club read I selected for our March read, The Mothers by Brit Bennet which I have now read twice and written as much about it in my posts. By now you are in agreement that literature is how best I could title this post.

January 30, 2024January 30, 2024

January in books

I pride myself in starting the year strong and making the best use of those first days before things settle. This January, I managed to get my hands on four books: The girl with the lauding voice by Abi daré, a spill over from 2023, The invisible life of Addie Larue, a secret Santa gift which I had to momentarily pose and dig into Animal Farm by George Orwell, the book club read of the month and lastly Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, a re-read that feels like a first time reading.

Most people have found it difficult reading the girl with the lauding voice because of the broken English. Having been forewarned and further explained to that the writer was in character with the girl narrating the story, I was in awe because the writing style is certainly hard to pull off. Our brains are trained to correct error. It is an uphill task reverse engineering and having deliberate spelling errors. One can easily blame it on poor editing like I do but not this time.

The innocence of the girl, the unfortunate things that happen to her and the helplessness of her situation keep you rooting for her and turning the pages to find out if she gets a reprieve. That being said, I am taking a break from Nigerian authors because I have reached saturation with their kind of content. The invisible life of Addie Larue is out of my comfort zone. Very mystical and definitely a book that I would not have picked for myself. Addie prays to the Gods who she was warned not to ask from and in the spur of the moment, she asks for the gift of life for as long as she is not tired of living.

Addie is not given parameters for her ask, she does not take time to seek clarification either which is what I would have done in her position. She was just praying and did not expect to be answered and when the answer came, she was not certain of what she wanted. She learns “on the job” that she cannot say her name, she cannot tell the truth, people do not remember her, she cannot have friends, a lover, a relationship only because everyone else’s memory of her is fleeting. She might as well be a ghost, It would be easier because then she would not worry about having a place to live, needing money for food or any of life’s luxuries and a change of clothes. So far, Addie has done the most with the cards life has dealt her.

The length of Animal Farm made reading the book bearable. I was quickly taken back to my high school days when we learnt about personification and symnolism. I was pleasantly shocked that pigs would be the cleverest of the animals, I only know them as dirty and greedy. The book is mostly a mirror and if that is lost to any reader, the writer says as much in the last page. It is insightful on leadership and how the society perceives leaders and rules. I am glad to have been introduced to George Orwell’s works.

I must have written about committed. I remember being smitten with the book then as I am now the only difference being that now marriage is not a far off chance topic as it was then. I have been searching the depths of my soul and interrogating the beliefs I hold about marriage as an institution and everything that grace’s the occasion right from the engagement ring, the white dress, the notion of brides maids, the venue of the wedding, the roles of each party in the marriage and the extent to which the two parties have control on the state of the marriage.

For each couple that is eager to be wedded, there is an equal number of those trying to weed themselves from what they got into. Much thought has been given to the institution and the pertinent questions one needs to have answered leading to the decision to marry/wed. Reading Committed reminded me of the many nuggets I picked from my all time favourite of Elizabeth Gilbert’s books, City of Girls. I have been recommending this book to anyone who has ears to hear and eyes to read to the extent that I got upset when two of those people keep pushing it further down their to be read list and I angrily told them that they should not even get the book because they are unworthy of the Gems in it. I am yet to determine whose choice was more distasteful between them and the person who started and left it halfway.

Committed is well written. Elizabeth allows us to grapple with the same questions she did as she shares her findings with us. I have learnt so much about marriage as an institution but like she says, it is ever changing. You think you now have the tools to do it right but when you put what you have learnt in practise you have totally different players and their response to the tools is completely different which sets us out on another learning curve.

With this good start, I am looking forward to the insights I will get from books in 2024, I hope you are here for the ride.

December 31, 2023December 31, 2023

Travel in Books 2023

I finally got something to unbox this 26th, a book that would have me flipping pages, engrossed till the very last page. I was home, wondering what I could get my hands on. I flipped through the notes on my phone and settled on the one titled books to read. I was surprised it had only one book, The Other Year by Rea Frey. An author I had not heard of before, no reason as to why I should read the book and whether it would be in tune with the holiday mood I was in search of. Without looking the book up on good reads, I quickly downloaded and finished the first 100 pages in an hour thirty minutes.

Sometimes life changes in a single moment this is the quote written on the bottom of the front page cover. I can point singular moments that have changed my life. I wonder if the singular moments did not happen or if I made different choices in the singular moments whether I would end up in the place that I am. Rea asks us to ponder whether we end up where we are supposed to no matter what or if grief sends us on a different path completely. I like that she specifically asks about grief. For a long time I have believed, heck I still believe that If my siblings were with us today, my family would have taken a different trajectory. Rea makes me think that might not be the case and we would still end up where we are.

The Other Year is dedicated to Rea’s daughter in every life. I found this amusing, that she too believes in the multiverse and that in every version of reality she still chooses to dedicate this book to her daughter. I was also impressed that she starts by telling us how she was vehemently anti-kids for most of her life and that she wrote a column called My daughter the A**hole when her daughter was young. I recognize kids for who they are, adorable at times with the potential of turning into monsters every other time. Every parent’s prayer is that their kid turns out well equipped for this life and most importantly that this prayer is answered. I pray for that too, now and even more when I become a parent.

Rea warned us that the book will take a hard look at grief and for sure the first 100 pages do. I kept wondering why do I torture myself reading of a pain I know too well. Her quote that life is not always about the good stuff reminded me of my description of migraines in this blog ‘sunshine everyday makes a desert’. True to her word, the plenty of light and joy and fun and romance in the book is covered in equal measure.

There are three men in Kate’s life: First, the male best friend who has been around for everything life has thrown at her; second, the ex boy friend whom she saw a future with and intentions to build a family with but has shortcomings that she grapples with whether to suck it up or continue with her search for more and last, the new stranger whom she is getting to know, and who holds a candlelight with a promise of more, something new, but just like a candle, this light could flicker.

I like the style of the book, how Rea writes about two realities back to back. The message that children are their own unique person and never an extension of either parent. A parent’s role which is one I hope to remember is to help them grow but release them. Let them live and then be there if they need you along the way. I hear myself already losing this battle every time I describe the ways I would like to mold my girls. I am already strongly possessive and I know I will have to put in a lot of work to let them live.

I have loved how Rea has brought out each of the male characters. She says she drew inspiration from her husband. I strongly believe that Rea and her husband started out as Michael and Kate only that Rea’s husband made a different choice than the one Michael in the book makes. I currently believe that he is more of a Jason, steady and present. The book builds us up to wonder who Kate will choose and if the choice will be different in the two versions of reality portrayed. Suffice to say, I love the ending in both versions and this would be a good holiday read. It reminds you of the importance of family, the need to put yourself first and it is a good distraction from everything going on good or bad.

This year I have not read much and I know I already wrote about what I have been reading in multiple posts throughout the year. We had Secret Santa in my bookclub, I wanted to gift City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert but the bookshop only had a hardcover version available. The book I was looking forward to reading since it came out is the Lucky Girl by Irene Muchemi and I am a few pages in. I was gifted the invisible life of Adie Larue which I would have carried with me but I did not want to have more luggage than I needed. Reading e-books has completely spoilt me but I hold dear the few hard copy books I own.

2023 cannot end before I plug We Need New Names. I completely loved how simple this book was and it is easily among the best book gifts I have given this year. The story took me to my childhood and I agree with the author, the characters do need new names. I am looking to add this book to my collection and I still feel sad that my recommender of books left the office towards the end of the year. We had a good year discussing books and I will miss that.

I am happy that I got to form a new book club in 2023 and I am already in awe of the literary world experiences coming our way. In every mirror she is black which was our first read has a sequel and I will be digging that in 2024. I still have not got a hold of the 30th Candle by Angela Makholwa, I will appreciate any leads as to where I can get this book. 2023 is a wrap, 15 books against my goodreads goal of 40, we live to try again.

Happy New Year 2024 and thank you for always reading.

November 30, 2023

Mombasa Again

Travelling like any other activity can be good or great depending on the company. I believe the traveler must first be at peace within and a happy traveler can radiate this to others or be better placed to cope with unpleasant company.

 My 2nd last trip of the year, was a return to the Coastal region with a group I met early this year. Our maiden trip to Watamu went well. We had no qualms within the group, entertainment decision making was a challenge but we agreed on the main things such as the meals we were to have, daily routine and monetary contributions.

We opened the trip  invitation to friends and the planning process began. We had myriads of options to choose from. It was hard narrowing down and even harder getting everyone to settle on one pick. Like most planned trips, it was never to leave the WhatsApp group save for the three of us.

Transportation of the planned trip went amiss. The first hotel we booked did not deliver and luckily we had just booked for 2 nights and said we could pay up once we settled. We then moved to an Airbnb for a night and brought our reservation to a resort far out of town up by a day.

At first, other than the views, and meals the resort did not meet our expectations. It was far flung from the night life spots we planned to visit. Having started our vacation as a food tour, we were limited in visiting places on our list but the resort compensated for this in the variety of food options. We were happy being waited on, wined and dined but we were yet to acclimatize to the new order of business. We were resistant and felt our freedom had been curtailed.

The more we took the place in the more activities we found to occupy ourselves and leaving our cocoon resort was fought with resistance. Well, at first we looked forward to it but the travel logistics were a hard pass. The drivers were demanding high prices because they knew their clientele were people on vacation. We tried reasoning with them, but their greed for money surpassed everything else. We eventually gave up and decided to make the best of our stay within the resort.

While at the resort, whatever group you observed, a lady was present. There were ladies on a girls trip, mother's with their children, families, couples, or an assortment of friends. We happened to hear a couple fighting as we were checking out and we wondered what about the trip upset them that they raised their voices at each other in reckless abandon. We made friends during the trip, we people watched during meals.

My packing for the trip greatly improved from my Zanzibar trip. I attained both functionality and aesthetic. I had options for dressing up events despite them not being in the itinerary and chill clothes for the evening. I also packed going out clothes but for 4 nights and my company surprised me by wanting to go out every other night, I was a bit happy with the few botched night out plans but as we progressed to the nights I had planned for and now could not go out due to circumstances, I wished I had gone when I had the chance.

With every trip I have new opinions, different experiences and I love each of the trips for their uniqueness. In this trip I learnt there were beaches along the Coast of Kenya that one could not swim in. The sand was coarse and the beach was full of corals.

In this trip I felt extorted by the locals. We were asked to pay exorbitant prices for the smallest of things. We wanted to walk on the beach and this would cost us because it was advisable we have a guide. The guide was to show us the path to use. I thought this was insanely ridiculous but at least this guide suggested we go with him then we would see his value. There were several animals and plants that we could not have identified without his help.

A starfish

This beach despite not being conducive for swimming, I bet surfers would enjoy the waves.

I look forward to going back for a repeat of some of the activities. I would need to practise holding my breath longer in water so that I feed the fish beneath the glass bottle like our guide.

Much as I acknowledge the differences of each town, I believe all Coastal town lovers like myself should make a trip to Dar es salaam and Zanzibar. Nevertheless Mombasa will always have a special place in my heart.