Thirty Three!! wow, that would have been great. Would we have had a small party with red candles thick enough for a ritual? Hopefully this time someone else would get the candles right. Anyway, they still come in handy when KPLC surprises us which has not been that often over the years.
No one cries on a birthday, its taboo. I cry months before, days before, hours before, and unfortunately throughout my day. I got the rook piercing and its still painful 7 months later. You’d barely notice it, but dislike you would. I’m still stoked about the wedding, your new contract at L’oreal and all the high end cosmetic products that would come my way. We had dinner plans for restaurant week and I’ve not been able to show up for that reservation. One day I will, seat on a table for two, and have that conversation that now feels like it was a parting shot.
John asked me about you last week, how timely. I had no words yet its simple. Its funny how at times I blurt it out and other times I cannot get myself to say the same words. He has not seen you in a while and he wondered where you’ve gone, whether you still work, do you? Shadrack uses your number now. He has a small daughter or maybe a niece, I wonder what you would have named your own. Is it weird that I look at his profile picture and wonder how easy a photo replaces someone? He is now the symbol of our conversations, our media, our documents and links but he knows none of it. He most definitely sees a blank picture on my end, he does not even have my number. I wonder if Shadrack is thirty three, at least he has the same body frame and height but he’s much darker and different, a stranger.
Birthdays are not sad, they are a celebration and I too am celebrating. It was hard for me to eat cake last year, and the year before but maybe today I will. When I sat in that office and cried through my day wishing my piercing appointment away and hoping that then I would show up for that reservation but somehow I typed. I get the most views on my relatively sad posts and subscriptions on the light hearted ones. It is rich, a letter described; by the end of the month the number of posts would be as many as my age. You would be proud of every word but maybe then I would not be writing. You know at first I had 169 words, the square of 13 because 26 letters only make the alphabet even on the thirteenth. It feels good having a first; my very own blog anniversary.
I can picture that smile, the hugs you gave and the constant name calling for no particular reason. How I would want that just for a day. I do remember, I do not feel right making everyone else remember. I do not want to make them uncomfortable. Much as I want, I cannot keep it to myself although that would save each of us the trouble. I’ll just ask that you bear with me.
Dimples Migraines and Aahs 